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How to Keep Romance Alive When You Live Together

Spicing things up can be hard when you're together all the time, but learning how to keep the romance alive when you live together can make all the difference.

By Dr. Harmon LovePublished 7 years ago 7 min read

You’ve taken the next step and you and your significant other have moved in together. This move can be an exciting and stressful time, and it can bring changes to your relationship. How do you keep romance alive when you live together, and see each other all the time?

Moving in together is a huge step, and one that can bring about a strange transition for many couples. Before living together, you probably spent more time apart, had to make special plans and effort to see one another, and for all of these reasons, tended to be very excited about your time together. Once you’ve moved in, you get to see your significant other morning and night, in their pajamas, and at their worst in addition to their best. With this can come a sense that there is less romance in the relationship, and that you’re less focused on flirting with each other and keeping things exciting when you are together. But the romantic stage of your relationship doesn’t need to end once you’ve started sharing home responsibilities, and there are plenty of things you can do to keep the romance alive when you live together. Keeping things fun, light, and exciting between the two of you, and in your own lives, will keep you out of the dreaded home-rut.

Make Time For Quality Staycations Together

On that note, you also have to make sure you take time for staycations. Even when two people are home “together,” they might not be connected. We can get caught up in our own work and our own activities. Before you know it, days and even weeks can go by without a real night spent together talking, cuddling, and catching up. So, make sure that you plan some time at home that is really fun for the two of you. Pick a movie, grab your favorite snacks or dinner, make a blanket fort, and make time to talk and have fun.

Stay In Contact Throughout the Day

Couples who have lived together for a while might fall into one of two patterns: either not speaking all day because they know they will see one another at home, or only communicating about things like money, laundry, or groceries during the workday. It is very important that you and your loved one take some time throughout the day to at least check in lovingly with one another. For one, it can be a strong show of support during what might be a long and difficult workday, and it also helps maintain a sense of loving and missing between the two of you. It can be very easy to “get used” to having your partner around, and these check ins can help remind the two of you how important your relationship is, and how much you mean to one another. Take the time to send a text, or have a quick call throughout the day. Flirt and build up the anticipation of arriving home to one another again.

Go Out Together Socially

Look, there is a reason we all love to Netflix and Chill. In a busy, stressful life, there are few things better than coming home, relaxing, and spending some pressure free time with your partner. When you live together, this fun activity can become more of a way of life, and it is important to break up nights at home with some fun. Be sure to go out, together, and with friends, so you have time to have discussions and connect with others. It makes coming home alone together all the more exciting, and brings the fun back to sitting around doing “nothing.”

Learn Your Partner's Love Language and Identify Your Own

We all give and receive love in different ways, and it can be very difficult to identify the things that make your partner feel most loved. We all give or receive love through a combination of giving gifts, planning and spending quality time together, giving words of support and affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch. Very few of us only have one love language, but many of us have one that makes us feel most loved and secure, and it may be different from our partner. You might feel most loved when your partner says really loving and supportive things about you and your future together. Conversely, your partner might find that they only feel truly loved by you through physical touch. Take some time to consider the different love languages and talk to your partner about how you try to show them love. A very simple concept can make a huge difference in your relationship and prevent accidental hurt feelings in the long-term.

Make Time to Travel Together

One of the best ways to stay in love with your home and your life is to get out there and travel. New food, new experiences, new languages, and new lands can be incredible, and nothing brings people together more than new travel experiences. But one of the best parts of going away is the joy of coming home to your own clothes, your own bed, and your own life. You see everything, even your relationship with your partner, with new eyes, and the relaxation from the trip won’t hurt either!

Express Gratitude For Your Partner

With the routine of living together, certain chores and responsibilities tend to divide partners. Even if there is no conflict and you are both happy with the division of these responsibilities, be sure to thank your partner for what they do for you and be sure they are truly aware of your appreciation. This can really help keep the romance alive when you live together, and reminds you of exactly how much your partner does for you (handy if they have also just done something to drive you nuts). Beyond this, try to be internally grateful for your partner, all they do, and the life you are building together every day.

Keep Things Alive In the Bedroom

This is the most obvious, standard, and repeated relationship advice, but it is a cliche for a reason. It is very important not to let your sex life dwindle once you’ve moved in together. After couples have been together for some time, it is natural that their sex drive will drop off a bit. But knowing you can have sex any time means that we may pass it up more often if we are tired or stressed. Don’t let yourself fall out of the habit of being intimate with your partner. It keeps a strong connection between you, and is something you can truly do to show your love for one another. Be sure to initiate enthusiastically with your partner on a regular occasion. Realizing how fun it is, you won’t have to make a conscious effort to do this once you’ve gotten out of your rut.

Continue to Surprise Each Other

Having a predictable routine is very good for most people trying to manage work, family, and friends. Having some sense of order ensures the time to eat well, sleep well, and see those that matter to you. But with routine can also come a rut, and many couples find it challenging to create a routine that isn’t stifling to them. It is important that each partner be open to some level of spontaneity and changing it up. People are happiest when they experience new things and, as a bonus, experiencing it with your partner can be a fun and bonding experience. Surprise your partner with a new date or experience, send them some sexy photos, or convince them to take a surprise day off of work to just spend together in bed. These moments can help you remember the joy of your relationship, and keeps an element of fun between you.

Moving in together is a big step for any couple, and with a new stage comes new relationship challenges. If you’ve fallen into a bit of a rut with your partner, know that you are not alone, and there are many things you can do to keep the romance alive once you live together. Follow these tips to show your partner how much fun you can have by keeping things exciting, and you’ll have no trouble keeping the romance alive.

advicehow tolistrelationships

About the Creator

Dr. Harmon Love

Sex therapist, avid reader and movie fan. Sex is not love but there is no love without sex.

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