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How Do You Know If She Likes You?

Instead of asking how to know if she likes you, tell her you do!

By Hayley QuinnPublished 7 years ago 3 min read

This is another one of those ‘if you’re asking the question you’re already losing’ questions. I don’t want you to spend another day stuck in your head, thinking about whether she likes you rather than asking her out in real life.

I know it can be frustrating to feel like you’re stuck admiring that cute girl in your class or who you see every week and never quite know the right steps to take.

However, I can tell you that instead of questioning, ‘does she like me?’ ‘would she go on a date with me?’ you need to be thinking, ‘do I like her?’, ‘do I want to go on a date with her?’ If the answer is YES (and I have a feeling that if you're reading this, it is!) you need to take action to make this a reality instead of waiting for her to choose you.

She is highly unlikely to walk up to you and ask you out; women have consistently been told (wrongly so) that if they make a strong first move you’re going to judge her negatively. She also probably doesn’t know if she likes you quite yet, and this is normal considering her process of attraction is so different from yours.

If you showed a guy a bunch of pictures of different women and asked him which one he’d like to go out with later that night he’d probably point to the woman he’s most physically attracted to.

If you asked a woman the same question she’s likely to ask for more information before making a decision.

Her attraction to you is a reaction to your behaviour and engagement with you.

Be Direct

To begin this process you need to engage with her in a self-assured way, rather than look for her signals of approval from afar. And let’s be honest here: even if she thought she was sending super clear signals, men often struggle to interpret these correctly. So instead of getting thrown off by ‘mixed signals’, focus on what you need to do to ask her out. To begin- if you've developed a crush but haven’t gotten to know her yet you need to initiate conversation. No woman wants to be asked out based solely on how she looks, and in order for her to begin to feel that same attraction toward you, she needs to engage with you and have a chance to experience you.

You need to initiate a conversation, keeping it focused on discovering her personality. Before she can feel a strong enough attraction to you to want to invest her time in you, she needs to feel both a personal connection as well as physical attraction.

A great indicator of when you’ve hit this mark is when you find yourself able to say to her, ‘I really like how you’re ambitious/ smart/ sassy/ rebellious’. NOT ALL AT ONCE –pick the quality that applies to the woman you’re speaking to! This will also help you navigate your conversation with her. When you’re approaching this with the right mindset you should be thinking, ‘OK she’s cute, but I’m only going to invest my time in getting to know her better if we click as people.’ This inner mantra shows that you have high standards and stops you from compulsively thinking that you really need to impress her.

Remember, a conversation is a two-way process of getting to know each other: not you desperately trying to perform for her.

If you can establish a ‘click’ on personal qualities then it will seem easy and natural to say, ‘it’s been great talking to you, let me get your number.’

You’re not saying, ‘would you like to go on a date with me?’ which is both needy and creates unnecessary pressure. Instead, be direct and base your desire to see her in how much you’ve enjoyed talking to her. Never ask the question of her attraction: instead state yours.

Meet more women - find out how by getting Hayley's free cheat sheet on meeting women in real life at

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About the Creator

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is a TEDx speaker, author and Founder of Her dating skills training teaches men and women to become more empowered in love.

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