15 Answers to 15 Quora Adultery Questions

DEAR TERESA: I feel clueless and don’t know how and what to do next as I just found my fiancé is cheating on me. What should I do now?

DEAR DAWG WIFE: Don’t get married until you get the bottom of it.

DEAR TERESA: Did you see any of your parents sleeping with someone outside of their marriage?

DEAR PEEPING TOM: Yes. I write about it here—

Programmed to Cheat: Musings of a Third Generation Adulteress

DEAR TERESA: Can an extramarital affair save an already dead marriage, or would it just be a nail in the coffin?

DEAR UNDERTAKER: It depends. If you want or need to stay in the dead marriage, it might be enough to keep your head in the game.

DEAR TERESA: I’m at a loss. My husband of 15 years is accusing me of cheating and lying, when I didn’t and don’t. We have 2 children and he wants divorce as he doesn’t believe miracle that we could reconcile?

DEAR WIFE OF A LOSER: Usually when someone accuses their partner of cheating like that, it is because they are the one cheating. They accuse the other partner of cheating to give themselves an excuse to leave without looking like an asshole. I would have a closer look at him.

DEAR TERESA: Why would my ex say he wants me back and that he loves me, while in a new relationship for 4 months already? I love him and I want him too, but he says I should be just a little bit more patient and he will break up with her, but that doesn’t happen.

DEAR HE LOVES ME NOT: If you really want to see how he feels, start seeing other men. If he doesn’t break up with her then, you’ll know he’s stringing you along.

DEAR TERESA: Why do the most successful people in America seem to have a good relationship with their spouse/significant other?

DEAR IDEALIST: Oh, like Jeff Bezos? Sometimes they are just better actors, but don’t be fooled, every relationship takes work no matter how successful they are.

DEAR TERESA: I don’t let my husband spend a night out anywhere with friends or anywhere. What will I do to overcome this?

DEAR BALL AND CHAIN: Let him spend the night out, and at the same time, you invite a girlfriend over for the night, and ask her to help you get through it.

DEAR TERESA: Is it a red flag to find out your spouse is tracking you through a ‘find my phone’ app?

DEAR CYBER STALKER: Yes, because he thinks you’re cheating. And if he doesn’t, he’s so insecure that he’s afraid you will. You can start leaving your phone home, or turn it off while you’re out. Do that, and see how he reacts.

DEAR TERESA: Why do people write their own wedding vows? Isn’t the standard wedding vows enough?

DEAR AVOWED: It’s because they are self-indulgent and think they are somehow special, when the reality is, they are absurd.

DEAR TERESA: What should I do if I am a racist?

DEAR RACIST: Stop.

(This is more a general piece of advice for everyone who is racist.)

DEAR TERESA: What is the percentage of marriages in 2020 compared to the previous years?

DEAR LAZY ASS: Google it. I’m not your research assistant.

DEAR TERESA: What goes on in a cheating narcissist’s head when they continue to cheat on their partner?

DEAR JUST LEAVE BECAUSE HE WON’T CHANGE: Nothing. They crave constant validation and sex with strangers gives them that. They aren’t thinking of their spouse if that’s what you mean.

DEAR TERESA: What are the red flags for an emotional cheater?

DEAR WARNING SIGNS: Those are called emotional affairs or EAs, by cheaters. The biggest sign here is changing phone use patterns. Changed passwords, late-night texts, jealous guarding of it, not letting you use it, etc.

EAs are usually all cyber. Sexting, pictures, emails, dirty videos. So, all phone.

You might also see a withdrawal of emotions as they invest their time in their new lover.

DEAR TERESA: What should I do if I’m in love with someone who loves me, but is married to someone who has a lot more money than I do?

DEAR I HOPE YOU HAVE THE TIME: You should get used to waiting because she isn’t going anywhere.

DEAR TERESA: My SO is a good partner but always has to be the one who is right. At times will even change the events of what actually happened just to appear right. My SO can’t see they are doing this. What should I do?

DEAR YOUR HUSBAND IS A DOUCHE: Well, that’s called gaslighting and it is a form of emotional abuse. Some people are so fragile they can’t admit they are wrong — as you know. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do, because you can’t argue with someone like that.

One way to avoid this sort of thing is to try and see it coming and just steer away from it. Basically, take away his ability to show you he’s right by not going there. Take the air out of his balloon.

DEAR TERESA: Multiple marriages work less and less, so does this mean that our parents were much better at choosing their partner than we are?

DEAR THE FIFTIES ARE OVER: No, it means society was much better at forcing them to stay together. Partner selection works best when you are confident in yourself and know what you want.

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How to Cheat: Field Notes from an Adulteress

© Teresa J. Conway, 2020

By Teresa J Conway on October 24, 2020.

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Exported from Medium on March 25, 2021.