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Satironical Meta Magical Realism

A Brand New Genre of Writing is Invented When an Intelligent Autotyping Machine Helps a Struggling Author With Words of Encouragement and Praise

By Everyday JunglistPublished about a year ago 6 min read
2
Now that's some realistic magic. Image by Dmitry Abramov from Pixabay

Narrator's preface: The writer who is the protagonist of the below story includes an author's preface in many of his written works. Generally these are full of psuedo intellectual clap trap that sounds intelligent at first blush, but upon closer inspection is actually nonsense. He was not available to provide an author's preface in this case telling me that he was busy "inventing a brand new genre of writing" which he had dubbed satironical meta magical realism. And there you have it, a perfect example of what I meant with that intelligent nonsense comment. Apparently he was doing this in order that he might produce a story he could enter in a writing contest for some two bit website nobody has ever heard of much less cares about. I told him good luck and offered to dream something up to cover his author's preface for this "story." His fan base which consists primarily of persons recently released from or soon to be committed to a mental institution, prisoners, hobos and homeless vagabounds get very agitated when he fails to include an author's preface in any given story he writes. Of course they also get agitated by anything anyone else considers normal. Ah well. Enjoy the below, or don't, it's no skin off my back either way.

Every night at midnight, the purple clouds came out to dance with the blushing sky. Every day at 3pm the writer sat at his computer and struggled to construct a story that would take place in the real world, yet also contain magical elements. Unlike regular magical elements however, these magical element would be woven into the real world, or, more precisely, the story set in the real world, in a way which seemed totally natural. Or, at least, seemed totally natural to the persons that populated the real world, or, as the struggling writer referred to it, the fake real world. Fortunately for the author his intelligent typecrafting machine the AX-12X5 autotyper was there to comfort him with words of encouragement whenever he became too discouraged. Generally it would do this by saying things like "Hang in there Danny boy. You are a good writer, and don't you forget it buddy." Whenever AXie (that's what the writer called his talking, intelligent, autotyper) said things like that the writer was sorely tempted to immediately unplug it, take it outside, and smash it to smithereens with his laser hammer. The laser hammer packed quite a wallop on account of its on board power amplifier, a commercial Q-switched Nd:YAG laser which could deliver pulses of energy of up to 1 joule with a duration of 1 to 10 nanoseconds, yielding peak power approaching a gigawatt (109 watts).

Believe me when I tell you that a 109 watt laser power hammer would make short work of Axie, if the writer ever decided to actually follow through on his constant threats to dismantle the typing machine.

But, you should also believe me when I tell you he never would. Why should you believe me? you may be asking yourself, or perhaps you would ask me if you could. I mean, you have no idea who I am, what I am capable of, or what I might do to you if you started asking too many questions. Do you want to find out? Then keep asking questions smart guy or girl, ask away. So, you don't really want to find out do you? I didn't think so. But you had better believe the things I tell you in any case. Cause if you don't, well, who knows what I might do? Do you? If you do could you please tell me because I have no clue and I am also really confused at the moment. And who the hell are you? Get the hell out of here. That's right go home you big baby. Now that you are home and your mom has properly wiped the snot off of your face we can return to the story I was relaying until you so rudely interrupted me.

The reason the writer would would never lay a finger on AXie, despite his many threats to do so was, unlike the plot of this particular story, very easy to understand. In fact, even a big dummy like you could understand it.

For you see Danny boy needed AXie. Needed him as much as he needed an analogy to finish this sentence that was intelligent, clever, and sensical, unlike the analogy he decided to eventually go with (which you just read), which was the exact opposite of all those things.

Because he was so bad at analogies and writing in general the author had no chance of becoming a successful writer or finishing his story which, in case you forgot, was to take place in the real world yet contain magical elements integrated into the story in such a way that they seemed totally normal. Even though he was bad at analogies, he did have a knack for run on sentences. The power of run on sentences alone would not be enough for him to finish that story, or even his meta satironical take on that story. No sir or madam, without AXie he knew his story would never reach the mystical 600 words. Six hundred being the number of words that all right thinking peoples and interweb publishing companies understand as the absolute bare minimum required for any story to be worth more than a pile of banfa squat. Whenever the writer would question this or complain about it, AXie would say things like "Danny boy don't question so much, just go with the flo bro." or "Danny the manny, stop being such a nanny, and get your fanny out to Mianni." Then it would laugh and laugh and laugh. Whenever the intelligent autotyper laughed the writer would tell it to shut the hell up and try to convince it that because it was a machine it couldn't possibly be intelligent. He would go on and on about how machines can't learn, and how the term machine learning is composed of two words that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction. Supposedly this made machine learning logically impossible according to the writer. AXie didn't believe him of course and liked to learn things in front of the writer just to prove him wrong, and piss him off. Whenever he did this he would say things like "look at me Danny boy, I'm a machine, and I am learning, wheeeh!" The last time it did this the writer unplugged AXie took it outside and smashed it to Smithereens with his laser hammer. Guess I was wrong when I said all that stuff about how he would never do that. Oh well, you are the dum dum that believed me when I told you that. Serves you right.

THE END.

HumorFableAdventure
2

About the Creator

Everyday Junglist

Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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Comments (1)

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  • Furkan Ceylanabout a year ago

    Nice!

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