You Should Never Breed With a Lunatic

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. There are so many aspects involved with raising a strong, healthy, well-adjusted child. Having one or both parents unstable and dysfunctional can ruin a child’s mental health.

It can ruin yours, too. The person that you think you’re in love with at the moment and can’t live without has the ability to manipulate you and make your life a living hell. Add a baby into this equation and it can be downright torturous dealing with the other parent.

We have to be careful about choices in life. Though most seem obvious, things often change. The one you’re in a relationship with can seemingly be a decent person right now. But people change over time. And not always for the better.

I am a firm believer in waiting to make life’s biggest decisions until your brain is fully formed. Most doctors and therapists agree that this happens around the age of 25 to 26 years old. Choosing to have a child prior to this could make for cloudy judgment.

I’m not saying that people having children younger are destined to fail at parenting. I’ve known some exceptional parents who were young when their children were born. My mother was 21 when I entered the world. And look how that turned out.

Uh… Well. Ok, bad example. But you get what I’m saying.

You owe it to yourself to be careful about who you choose to create life with. There are many variables to consider before bringing another tiny human into this world and into your home. Be sure you’re sharing that home with a stable, loving, reliable person.

I couldn’t imagine sharing my child with another person that I didn’t admire, like, and respect. Yet it happens all of the time in this crazy world of ours. I see so many young parents going through battles because they simply cannot get along.

This is not healthy for your child’s mental state. If the baby, toddler, or grade school-aged kid is witnessing mother and father fighting constantly, it can be devastating. Arguing, manipulating, yelling, or even physical confrontations can scar a person for life.

If you’re in a marriage or relationship where these things are happening, even before there’s a child in the picture, get out. There is nothing worse than not having peace within your home and in your relationship.

The world is a tough, unfair, shitty place so often. We struggle to navigate adulthood, careers/jobs, as well as relationships and social interactions. When you come home at the end of the workday, you should find your home to be a peaceful, safe haven. Doubly so if you have a child or children to take care of.

Sharing that home and your child with a horrible other parent can make life hell. You will unlikely have peace and quiet. Every small inconvenience or disagreement can blow up into a ridiculous, drama-filled event. Your child and you will suffer mentally, having to witness this constantly.

Even if you don’t live together after a breakup or a divorce, sharing a child with an unfit, irrational other parent will make life quite difficult. You will continue to fight over the child or children that you share, with the irrational, unbalanced parent using the child as a pawn against you. This is both disgusting and unfair.

Relationships are often difficult. Being choosy about who you decide to date, marry, and create life with is of the utmost importance. 18 years is a long time. You will likely struggle with your parenting and mental health if you choose to have a child with someone you suspect is not a good person.

I understand that there are situations in which two people seemingly have a solid relationship, have a child or children, and then one of them changes for the worse. I’m not blaming the other parent for this happening. We cannot control other people’s decisions and their choice to become worse over time.

But watch for the red flags. Especially in the first months or even years that you’re together. Most people who find themselves in these dysfunctional, emotionally disturbing co-parenting situations end up looking back at them years later and say, “I should have seen this coming. There were signs.”

Sadly, romantic feelings can mask the red flags that present themselves to us in the early stages of a new relationship. We usually see the world through rose-colored glasses, initially. But then the reality of who we’re really dealing with sets in.

Don’t think that having a child will make a toxic relationship better. Be aware that it will likely become worse over time. As much as you love that child, so will that other person. This will likely make you a target, in their mind.

If your breakup is not agreeable, and that person is not a well-balanced, emotionally mature human, they will likely use the child you share to hurt you. This is especially true if you were the person ending the relationship. Many people who get dumped do not play fair, especially if the breakup was not mutually agreed upon.

Be safe. Take care of your own mental health when engaging in a new relationship. Truly get to know the person you’re with, especially in the beginning. Protect yourselves from having an unexpected pregnancy, until you’re sure that this is the person you’ll want in your and your child’s life for at least 18 years.

Be sure to take the steps necessary to prevent having children with someone who you aren’t absolutely convinced would make a wonderful other parent to either raise your child together, or co-parent, should the relationship deteriorate and not work out.

We shouldn’t quit our children. Most people don’t. The ones who do often cite the irrational, abusive behavior of the other parent as being the main reason they choose not to raise their son or daughter.

Nobody should make the other person’s life a living hell. I am so happy and proud of the fact that my Bride and I have solid, healthy relationships with our exes and their spouses. It’s made for a far easier, more agreeable time raising our children together.

It takes a village. Don’t be the village idiot. Surround yourself with the most solid, caring, and emotionally healthy people you can, for your and your child’s sakes. Be careful about who you choose to breed with. 18 years can be a LONG time. &:^)