"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns
The Unknown Call Turns into a Prank
A look of fear flashed into my eyes, my heartbeat sickeningly in great pounding thumps, sounding right up in my ears. An uncomfortable silence prevailed in the room. “What will happen if ever my mistake is out in the open?” I whispered under my breath, hidden in the darkest corner under my bed away from the glare of prying eyes which started to appear in my mind.
TᕼE ᗷEᗩTᔕ Oᖴ ᒪᗩᑎEᗩᑌ᙭
The Beats Of Laneaux ‘Every morning it happens like this.’ Tabatha thinks to herself as she wakes up with a splitting headache. The house bumbles of a thunderous noise. “Ugh!” Tabatha yanks herself out of bed pissed, frustrated, but most of all annoyed. She quickly puts on her robe, bolts out of her room, runs down two flights of stairs, then kicks open the basement door. ‘I’m going to ring this little mutha...’ Her eyes are in disbelief when she notices that on this morning it is not only her little brother beating away at the drums, but also her older sister on guitar, her father blowing a saxophone, and her beautiful mother on vocals. It was at this moment that Tabatha realizes that her family was much different than most.
A Perfect Summer
I read all my emails. I do not know why. My mother says it is because I am afraid to miss anything. My oldest daughter believes it is because I am OCD. My wife thinks (tongue in cheek) I am looking for the answer to the mystery of life.
- Top Story - November 2018
Thanksgiving Dinner Table Talk
Ah Thanksgiving, that perfect time of the year when we get to stuff our faces with our families while making meaningful conversation with people that we may not have seen in quite some time. A beautiful holiday it is. In order to ensure Thanksgiving goes as smooth as possible, here are some tips to start conversation at Thanksgiving dinner because with food, football, and festivities what could possibly go wrong?
An Early Thanksgiving
There's entirely too many Mammy dolls and statuettes in this house. It's like stepping into another realm, one which I don't blend in to. Grandma and Grandpa Mac's house, which Grandpa built with his own two hands. Everything is immaculate, orderly, pristine. I am out of my element among family members, their intrusive questions briefly answered with forced smiles. The smell of food wafts through house, as does gossip about church stories and how good God is for sparing Uncle James' house from water damage. I guess the other unfortunate waterlogged neighbors' house weren't worth God's attention.
Lies to Tell a Scottish Kid
Parents do it. Grandparents do it. The Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy are all tall tales told to our kids to help them understand parts of everyday life. Sometimes though, a gullible kid is just too much fun to resist. Here are a few lies told to Scottish kids to make the lives of a busy parent a bit easier....
Young Mama Shit Story
Hello, all. First and foremost, my name is Maria and if you could not tell by the title of this post, I am in fact, a young mom. Long story short, I met my now-husband, then-conflicting boyfriend in 2015. Five months later, I was a pregnant senior in high school. Yes, I know that escalated quickly. I’ll probably leave the long story for another time.
Smile If You're Happy
The white blouse had been a bad choice. Barbara didn’t have to look down to see the dribble of ketchup that had fallen onto her stomach. Almost all of her shirts had the same stain due to her fondness of french fries. It was the one thing she couldn’t give up. Henry had suggested it, even pushed her many a time to let the habit die but so far it hadn’t and she wasn’t really planning on it.
Those Good Old Days
In those good old days we talked about, we lived on a little farm in a three roomed house on a hill side. I loved its rustic charms. Its roof homemade shingles, big cracks in the floor, no curtains at the window. No screen on the door.
Lessons in Step-Parenting
Lesson One: Meeting Your New Step-Child So, you’ve decided to get married to someone who already has kids! Well, good for you! No sense in ruining your own body or risking premature hair loss.
Parenting a Teenager
The night around them lay heavy. Every sound was something sinister... Oh, wait. Wrong story. This one is much more terrifying, I'm afraid - and there are no heroes. No one to save you. All you can do is walk slowly through the darkness, and pray for the light to come - and come it will, but it will take its dear time. "It can't be that bad." You think, scoffing at my title as you gaze lovingly at your rosy cheeked, adorable chubby fingered toddler. "My baby could never become the stuff nightmares are made of." I was that naive and delusional once - and then my child became a pre teen. She was so sweet, thoughtful, and considerate; every bit the angel that yours is right now. If I concentrate hard enough I can still remember the sound of her giggling, and how it felt to be her best friend, respected, the center of her world. Then, the inevitable happened. She became twelve, and Aunt Flo found her. Suddenly my sweet, considerate child became this hormonal, moody thing that only wanted me around if I was a convenience for her. Not just during "That time of the month." Oh no. Don't delude yourself into thinking it's only then. I went from momma to mom and when she's annoyed (which is oh so often) or mad Muh-Therrrr. Just like that. Just like how it's spelled. I assure you. Now instead of hugs, kisses, and smiles I get eye-rolling, huffing, and stomping, or - my personal favorite - the sarcastic, rude remarks and ever popular "must get the last word in no matter the cost."
The stench was unbearable; the particles that were floating their merry way about my head, as they rose up on the thermal of a steamy waft of anal produce; could easily be imagined to have their own universal atmosphere, each with their own sun and moon to collaborate a dance with.