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Lies to Tell a Scottish Kid

...Because you can.

By Rosalyn GramsPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
Photo by Michael Podger on Unsplash

Parents do it. Grandparents do it. The Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy are all tall tales told to our kids to help them understand parts of everyday life. Sometimes though, a gullible kid is just too much fun to resist. Here are a few lies told to Scottish kids to make the lives of a busy parent a bit easier....

Teaching Them About Other Countries...

Scottish Grass

My cousins lived far far away when I was a kid, but I didn't understand exactly where that was or how they got there. Grampa said we lived in Scotland and they lived in England, and that it was another country. My kids' brain thought it must be very difficult to remember how to get so far away, but my Grampa explained it all for me.

Apparently, when I got bigger and travelled south with Grampa to visit my cousins, I would know where the border was to get from Scotland to England—because the grass in England is purple, while the Scottish stuff is green. This way, I could look at the grass to tell me which country I was in! I really wanted to see this!

How the Orange Trains Got Inside Glasgow Subway...

A baby subway train

Those big orange trains actually grew from baby orange caterpillars who live underground and eat dirt under the city of Glasgow. As they ate more dirt they got bigger and bigger and bigger.....until they were the size they are now! These giant orange caterpillars like us and want to help us get to other places really fast so they put doors on their sides so that we can sit in their bellies and get carried inside them. The orange caterpillar-trains used to dig and burrow over to other places under Glasgow, when they wanted to talk to one of the other orange caterpillars and ate more dirt on the way, and that is how the tunnels were made. The caterpillars only eat dirt at night, while we are sleeping so that they have time to take us places in the daytime.

What Happens When You Pick Your Nose.....

picking my nose

If you pick your nose too much, your head will fall off and you'll have to carry it in a bag when you go to school. This could make crossing the road to the sweetie shop a bit difficult because if your head is in a bag, you can't see anything to cross the road safely—so you must hold mummy's hand, ok? An important thing to remember though, is that you get to choose what kind of bag you want to carry your head in, because it's your head—Paw Patrol, Frozen, Peppa Pig.....

Fairies in the Garden

Fairies live in the garden so that they can stop spiders biting your toes when you are outside. You can't see them. They need to hide so that they can watch out for the spiders coming to get us - it make them easier to catch.

Lost Socks—Where do they go?

This what socks look like before the washing machine gets hungry.

The washing machine gets hungry sometimes but doesn't really know what it likes so it tries eating one of your socks. If the first sock tastes good it will eat the matching one as well. If it only eats one of your socks it means they taste horrible.

"Shut the damn door—keep the draught out!"

Parent will shout this to kids who run into the house and leave the door wide open. The problem is that most of these parents don't tell a child what a "draught" actually is. My mum used to point out how quickly we shut the door when we were kids. She didn't know that we thought the draught was some kind of monster we couldn't let in the house. What was more confusing is why we couldn't see these things when we were outside? And why did they always want to come in our house?


About the Creator

Rosalyn Grams

#walking on wonky kneesI write about journeys,imaginary worlds, disability challenges, satire & other topics. Twitter @rosgrams Email [email protected] Facebook https://www.facebook.com/walkingonwonkyknees/

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