LUCKY TO HAVE ME?!

.

LUCKY TO HAVE ME?!

.

Sooner or later my Ex-wife will meet someone better than me.

More likely sooner

- And I will see them together for the first time!

- And it will hurt A LOT!

<shrug>

So,

Unfortunately,

I guess That I still have that scorching pain to "look forward to"...

.

And one person said,

“It may also work in the reverse.”

.

Yeh?!

Well, looking at the facts as they exist,

It is probably not going to get reversed... <shrug>

It is not impossible, theoretically,

Just very, very, very unlikely.

I would Not bet my own weekend drinking money on it!

- Put it this way.

.

Everyone, even my own family would constantly say,

"You are lucky to have Her."

And NEVER ONCE has anyone, (again, even in my own family), in 30 years has anyone ever said to her,

"You are lucky to have HIM!".

.

I cannot remember a time when she herself ever said,

“I love you.” First and without being prompted by me saying it first.

Sure, she has said it once prompted, plenty of times, but Never First, and unprompted!

.

That combined with her never seeming to be attracted to me,

With feelings of resigned revulsion whenever I went to be intimate,

That combined with describing any marriage intimacy as, (and this is an actual quote),

“A job to do.”

Has left me feeling ugly, unattractive, and unlovable.

Which lead me to putting on a shit load of weight, trying to fill myself with food.

(Because for me, being unfaithful instead was unthinkable and beneath me and my own personal ethics! – Unlike “other mere weak-minded men” - I am better than that! – So, I ate the loneliness away instead!)

So, I got very fat,

Which obviously perpetuated the cycle of perception of her being with me as,

“Ross being married to someone as pretty as Her, is Him punching well over his weight,”

“What can she possibly see in him?!”

.

Sure,

I have lost much of the weight now,

Sure,

I am getting fitter and healthier now.

But the number of times I have gone out and caught my reflection in a random pub mirror and ended up going straight back home – is LOTS!

.

In the break-up

She got almost all the friends and the sympathy of my family.

Some of my closest relatives voiced that I need to

“Plough my own furrow” and not bother them with my problems or pain.

If my mum was not still alive,

They would probably not even of given me that much conversation!

And when my Mum dies

I imagine that they are already planning their “exit strategy” for 3 weeks after the funeral.

.

I have asked out only 8 people in the last year.

BUT…

The fact that since the breakup,

That I have asked anyone out at all,

That I have the unmitigated balls to keep trying at anything!

Is a triumph of my sheer bloody-minded willpower over All logical evidence of my personal experience!

.

So yes,

Sooner or later my Ex-wife will meet someone better than me.

More likely sooner.

But certain things MUST and SHOULD happen!

- And I will see them together for the first time!

- And yes…

…it WILL hurt A LOT!

It is supposed to! – It’s a normal reaction that I am allowed to have!

Things must move forward and move on, painful or not!

That is how life works.

Some things cannot and should never be stopped!

I also cannot stop the sun from setting tomorrow,

Or rising…

And even if I could stop the sun from rising tomorrow.

I would not stop that from happening either!

.

But I AM STILL! BLOODY WELL, ALLOWED TO WEEP!

So, I can heal.

And not be ashamed of being sad about it!

.

.

PS

This is the Vocal Media rejection I got for my first draft:

.

Your story was rejected because it was flagged for potential spam or non disclosed AI-generated content.

.

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted?!

.

I am not an AI

The Text is Mine!

The Art cover is ALSO MINE!

.

This is a photo of the art propped against the wall above my fridge in my flat!

.

.

If the good people at Vocal Media no longer want my content,

Then they should just ask me directly and nicely like adults!

Instead of coming up with such silly excuses to get rid of me!

.

PPS

Rejected AGAIN for the same dumb arse reasons!

Note this bit!

.

.

"Repeated violations will result in account suspension."

Well, I am throwing this in for a third time!

So, if that counts as a repeat violation

Then just ban be and be dammed

(Pretty much the opposite of the famous quote "publish and be dammed")

Stop dragging the inevitable out!

Just get it over with and pull the trigger already!

Here is a photo of the same art above my fridge again! - But in close-up!

.

.

PPS

THE 4TH TIME!

.

I am working on the theory that the problem is...

AI REGECTING SUSPECTED AI!

.

Instead of being a "Personal Attack" I am for now going to assume that it is just the automated AI of vocal media mistaking my cover art for another fellow AI.

.

And you cannot argue with a computer algorithm

Any more than you can argue with the ocean storm!

Sure, you can scream at the incoming tide!

But it won't do anything!

.

So instead of the cool original art, That I was going to use

I have replaced that cool cover image with the first random sub-par photo off my phone...

Hopefully,

<Fingers crossed>

I can get on with my day now!

.

.

The 5th time!

Ok,

I changed the cover image (to something crap and random) and still got rejected!

NOW I am suspecting that it IS personal!

Now might be the time to take the hint,

And simply not bother submitting to Vocal Media anymore.

<Shrug>

Oh hum!

It is not as if I was going to make any serious money with them anyway!

No one will ever read this,

But I am writing it anyway, just for me.

I am kinda of getting used to being discarded like trash by the world now.

I barely feel it anymore...

.