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Fat First Time Parent
When I first told people I was pregnant it came as a bit of a shock. Firstly because only 4 months prior to falling pregnant I had weight loss surgery ( a story for another time). One of the biggest reactions was that from my family (grandparents to be specific). They refused to talk to me for a few weeks before telling me how disappointed they were that I had “finally started to get my life together, losing weight and now throwing it all away for a baby who wasn’t conceived in a marriage” and yadda yadda etc. I know they are more of a traditional religious standing, but my first expectation from them was going to be shock, and then support and excitement as they would be around to see the next generation of our family as it did end with me. But not, unfortunately it was not that way at first (they have since started to come around to the idea, thankfully). But this wasn’t the only negative reaction I dealt with. Another was an few in-laws reactions which come to now were made out of spite and jealousy. “How do you know it’s even your kid?” Was asked of my partner. “Look at you both, it’ll be cruel to raise a child in such an unhealthy home” seeing as both my partner and I are overweight that it would assumingly make our house automatically unhealthy. “You never wanted kids. You always said it would never happen, so why keep it? There are plenty of women who want kids but can’t and here you are pregnant, never wanting kids. Unfair” While when I was younger, he’ll even until a few years ago I was still with this mentality. People can change their minds and that shouldn’t be held against them. So yes, I lost a few people who I thought were supportive of me along the way. The oh my pregnancy I was adamant on having a caesarean. I told my midwife, my endocrinologist, my doctors and ONGYM about this. None were supportive. They dismissed me because of my weight and BMI (bloody bullshit measuring index if you ask me). I ended up having a caesarean only because spud was in breach. Ridiculous really. My choices should have been heard as it was my body going through this experience. Not only was this an issue to try and get heard about, but other questions and concerns I had were basically fallen on ignorant ears because I was 1) a first time parent and 2) I am FAT. I was told numerous times how they were expecting me to get pre-eclampsia because of my weight. How I needed to exercised more than what the average person should because I was carrying extra weight. I was told that I shouldn’t eat extra calories because it was a myth “eating for two” as I looked as though I was already doing that (I almost punched that dr in the face) I was concerned about my eating habits as I had recently had the gastric sleeve surgery and couldn’t eat more than half a cup of food at a time and I would forget to eat for hours on end because I didn’t get any hunger cues until I was basically starving. So having to force myself to eat every two hours on top of having a baby push on what very little stomach I had left, was becoming more difficult each week, especially towards the end of the third trimester. All my medical team would just wash their hands at my concerns and questions. It was only my surgeon who did my gastric sleeve who took me seriously and helped me with questions I had. Especially when it came to the different medications they wanted me to take. There were conflicting medications and it seemed like they were going to do me and baby harm rather than good, so I was scared and worried and frustrated and stressed which are never good things normally let alone in a pregnancy. So the journey throughout my pregnancy was medically wise very stressful. Skip forward to now that we are happily 3 months postpartum and I’ve had my fair share of comments from both medical professionals and complete strangers who really had no business telling me their opinions. I was shamed by a midwife for not being able to breast feed my baby. “Breast is best. I don’t know why you would taint your child with formula” No. Just, no. Fed is best. End of story. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it. No matter what reason if there even is one (which there doesn’t have to be it can just be a personal choice) why someone formula feeds/breast feeds or both, it’s completely up to the parent. I tried breastfeeding for the first two weeks before it became too much of a struggle and I couldn’t produce enough to feed my baby. I used pumps, boobie bikkies, tablets, drinks everything under the sun to try and get a good production of supply but to no avail. I felt like a failure. I felt as though I let my baby down and that I was a terrible and horrible parent. No one should ever feel ashamed about something like this. Especially not from a medical professional who was meant to be “helping”. I had bought a ton of formula about a month before I was due to give birth because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try breastfeeding at that point. I was shamed for buying a tin in preparation of my new baby. This same midwife rolled her eyes at me and said “so you’re were already planning to bottle/formula feed. You know breastmilk is the best for a newborn. Formula is a terrible substitute”. I felt like the worst parent in the world because I could give my baby the one thing my breasts were meant to do. I cried myself to sleep most nights over it. This shouldn’t have been the case. Again this midwife said my baby was underfed the next time I saw her a few days later, saying he wasn’t getting enough milk. This was all happening within the first two weeks of being home from the hospital, trying to grasp being a parent and how to properly care for my baby. I’d never done this before so I took the advice form a professional in the hopes of being the best parent I can be. So to be told I’m underfeeding my baby while also being shunned for even thinking about using formula to help solve this problem was overwhelming. I ended up breaking down and telling the home midwife service to never come to my house again. They said they were concerned about my baby’s weight and that they had to check up to make sure he was losing too much and become in such a state that he’d need to be hospitalised. I thought I was failing as a parent and started to believe that maybe those people who said I shouldn’t be a parent and I was unfit were right. I was close to just giving up when my Mum who had come down to help for the first two weeks noticed how much stress and depression had taken over me due to this midwife handed me a bottle of formula and told me to feed my baby. I didn’t question her and just started putting the test to bubs mouth. It took a few tries but eventually latched on and started drinking. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I could see how thirsty he was and was content sucking on the bottle. My mum put a hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eyes. “You’re doing great. Don’t let some pompous woman who’s never had kids tell you you’re wrong. He’s happy, healthy and fed. You’re doing the best you can” after that, I started to feel less ashamed that I couldn’t breastfeed and was using the bottle. It wasn’t until I had a follow up with my surgeon (gastric sleeve) that he explained to me that with the surgery and the lack of vitiamins due to it, that my body was already working overtime to try and play catch up and that’s why it was harder for me to produce a good enough supply of milk. Regardless of why it happened, I’m happy that someone actually spoke to me in a caring and professional manner. To this day I still get questioned as to why my baby is formula fed and why I chose this etc. Honestly, it’s no one’s business unless it was effecting my child in a negative way. So yeah, being fat and a first time parent has been challenging so far. I am making changes to become more healthy for not only myself but for my baby, but while I’m in this transitional period, people should respect that I’m making the choices that are right for us. So, for now I’ll leave you lovely readers, but I’ll be sure to post more on this wonderful adventure of parenthood in the near future. Stay positive and keep smiling ☺️
By Flick6 years ago in Families
Life's VIPs
Have you had a special bond with someone in your life? Have you had a special bond with someone who is no longer alive? Have you had a special bond with someone who is no longer alive and that someone was a grandparent?
By ME6 years ago in Families
Learning to Live With Grief
I had prayed for over 20 years for a little sister for my son, for a daughter with whom I could do all the things little girls dream of one day doing with their daughters. When God gifted me with my daughter 21 years after my son was born, I felt truly blessed.
By Cait Blevins6 years ago in Families
Christmas Shopping for Out of Town Relatives
Although living nearby to all of your relatives can be a wonderful experience, unfortunately this is not always the case and relatives are often separated by vast differences. Sometimes you are forced to relocate because of a job and sometimes you just move because you would like to live in and experience a new city, state or country. Likewise one or more of your relatives may opt to relocate for the same reasons. Regardless of how or why it happened many of us often find ourselves in a situation where our relatives may be spread out all over the globe. This is a sad fact of life which makes it more difficult to stay in touch and also greatly complicates the Christmas shopping process. This article will take a look at some of the dilemmas associated with Christmas shopping for out of town relatives and will provide some strategies for dealing with these dilemmas.
By Kennedy Jones6 years ago in Families
Christmas Shopping for Kids
Christmas is a truly magical season that is enjoyed by many but no one enjoys the Christmas season more than kids. It might be the prospect of some well deserved time off from school, the allure of the lights and decorations, the beauty of the snow that often accompanies Christmas or just the anticipation of Santa and his sleigh filled with toys that is so exciting for children but it is evident that most kids are truly enchanted by Christmas. For this reason many adults truly enjoy shopping for kids and Christmas time.
By Kennedy Jones6 years ago in Families
COVID Winter is Coming
Summer has faded away, as blue skies turn gray. Winter is coming, and the pandemic night “may be dark and full of terrors.” But, the world is still our oyster, and together, we will stand our ground. The virus shall not pass, and humanity will prevail.
By Rui Alves6 years ago in Families
Below the Surface
“If you do not have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut,” I remember her saying. Looking back, I see my report cards littered with nice things my teachers said about me—“She’s so quiet, shy, and such a good girl.” I was not superiorly witty, in fact, the earliest memory is of the nameless boy spitting in my face, on the sidewalk after school. The shy, nice little girl stood stunned until I cried, not even a thought to wipe my face. I ran all the way home. Fast forward looking back, the little girl in me pictures a sharp image—one of the serious objections of a boy ejecting any such aversion or contempt toward me. Little did I understand, the value of such a lasting memory, how this event shaped my inner spirit.
By Tamara Sobolewski6 years ago in Families
Victim
I come from wealthy middle class family. 3 brothers no sister, the second eldest out of the siblings. I was a kind person who would say yes to everything. Very easy going, understanding , loving and a door mat.
By Fiona Begum6 years ago in Families
2 Year Marriage
Me and my husband have been married for two years and been together for four years. Before we got married we did marriage counseling and everything seemed like we were going to be a perfect match together. Everything was so good when we were dating and even better when we got engaged. But when we said I DO it was the happiest day of our life. So our first year things started to become a problem like parenting. I came into the marriage with 4 children 3 of them older then his son and one was younger. So we had to do some compromising. My husband and his only son had a selfish side to them because it has been the two of them for a long time. Most people were shocked we were even getting married because they said he seemed like he was not the marrying type. But another thing we had a problem with in our marriage was controlling problems. He wanted our family to follow his every step and what he say about everything we do. But eventually we had a conversation and now we are better because he had to learn that my opinion matters as well and in order to make our marriage work.
By Lashonte Bevel6 years ago in Families
Christmas Holidays
Mummy is the central figure in all of the warm and fuzzy childhood memories I have of the Christmas holidays. Mummy, this memoir is my gift to you this Christmas of 2020:
By Lizabeth Brooks6 years ago in Families
Now What
You Know how you have so much going on in the world. Like Having kids who are between the age 15 to 8 years old then it hit you BOOM! YOU ARE PREGNANT! you are thinking to yourself what now I am starting over. Okay you and your husband are happy then around 5 months you tell him exactly what you knew all along you are having a girl. More good news but you then two months later get hit with an extremely high case of gestational diabetes. So, you are pricking your finger every day and keeping logs ok no big deal. January 5, 2020 the blessing comes your beautiful daughter is born. Everything is fine then here coming Covid-19 as it hits United States hard. But as every day passes when come to the hard changes of teaching the kids online at home grades 9th, 7th,5th,3rd and a baby who only takes the breast no bottle or pacifier at all imagine the juggle and struggle. Tragedy hit 7 days ago being Hospitalized with a 650 sugar which I could have sent meet in a coma. But before I knew I was a diabetic I was functioning everyday like nothing was wrong not knowing I was sick. But this one-day I just could not shake the feeling I was having. so now I have Diabetes. I was in shock being though I was a healthy person. I love fruit/vegetable smoothies, exercising everyday type person. But because I had two things against me my dad has diabetes genetic and me having gestational diabetes when I was pregnant well it was one of those bonds to happen things. But that is just the way the cookie crumbles, I guess. So, I am like now what. You Know how you have so much going on in the world. You explore life a little faster than others. Things like getting married and finally getting what you always dreamed about 4 kids later you meet the husband of your dreams. You guys date for about 2 years then he pops the question will you marry me. Super excited I said YES of course. But to my surprise the wedding was a stress but glad it was over it was beautiful. And now we have been married for 2 years and we have been together for about 4 years now. Fast forward to our current life Like Having kids between the age 15 to 8 years old and a stepson who is 10 then it hit you BOOM!!!!!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!! you are thinking to yourself what now I am starting over. At first it was a lot of arguments because of my stomach growing fast at 3 moths I had to stop working because it looks like I was having twins. But my husband was beyond stubborn so there was not much hope. We had are good days but we had many bad days my husband would start arguments for basically no reason. I spent many nights in tears because I was like how we go from a happy marriage to now a sad one. Okay you and your husband are ok happy that you are around 5 months you tell him exactly what you knew all along you are having a girl. More good news but you know two months later get hit with an extremely high case of gestational diabetes. So, you are pricking your finger every day and keeping logs ok no big deal. Then December hits and your stepson comes over to your house to give you the Flu. Which now you must be pregnant with gestational diabetes and the Flu great. So, you get better just to find out your husband has caught the same thing from taking care of you. After a couple of weeks all you have remaining is a horrendous cough. You are waiting patiently for the big day to come. January 5, 2020 the blessing comes your beautiful daughter is born. Everything is fine then here coming Covid-19 as it hits United States hard. So, we went from free air to now air can kill you. But as every day passes when come to the hard changes of teaching the kids online at home grades 9th, 7th,5th,3rd and a baby who only takes the breast no bottle or pacifier at all imagine the juggle and struggle. Tragedy hit 7 days ago being Hospitalized with a 650 sugar which could have sent meet in a coma. But before I knew I was a diabetic I was functioning everyday like nothing was wrong not knowing I was sick. But this one day I just could not shake the feeling I was having. so now I have Diabetes. I was in shock being though I was a healthy person. I love fruit/vegetable smoothies, exercising everyday type person. But because I had two things against me my dad has diabetes genetic and me having gestational diabetes when I was pregnant well it was one of those bound to happen things. But that is just the way the cookie crumbles, I guess. So, I am like now what.
By Lashonte Bevel6 years ago in Families
My Life As I Know It
My life started as most other people's does... guy meets girl... they fall in love and get married and had a daughter (myself). My mom already had my oldest sister and my younger sister would come later. Happily ever after, right? Wrong. My parents never got along and for the life of me, I can't understand why they got married. After fights, lots of angry screaming, and so many other things; they got divorced. All this happened before I even remember. I never knew my parents together, only of them hating each other.
By Lacey Cohran Kines6 years ago in Families