It’s just a rough week

This week has been tough. My daughter has decided that naps are the worst thing in the world. But then she gets overtired and super fussy and cranky, and her cortisol levels are way too high, so she refuses naps even more. It’s a vicious cycle that my husband and I are desperately trying to break, because this week was supposed to be focused on getting her to sleep independently. Well, independent sleep can’t exactly happen when sleep isn’t happening.

On top of that, she’s been more fussy in general. My husband and I have been doing some research on developmental leaps and how babies learn best, so we’re thinking that we might be boring her by playing with some of the same toys most days. She seems to learn best with her eyes, so we’re going to experiment with showing her new things.

But that doesn’t take away the days we’ve had already. The days where we’ve yelled at each other, and the days I’ve sat in my car and cried while he working through her screaming. The days where I’ve questioned if I’m cut out to be a mom, because I just can’t figure out what’s wrong.

Newsflash: there doesn’t have to be something wrong! Sometimes babies cry. It can be their way to wind down after a stressful experience, or it can be because they’re frustrated at things they want, but they can’t express it. And sometimes there just isn’t a reason. Hell, I cry for no reason half the time, too. The point is, as her mom, I’m not expected to stop the crying every time it happens. I’m just expected to support her through it however I can. Yes, I’ll admit I can be bad at that sometimes, because my emotions are also running rampant these days. I’m still breastfeeding, so, not to use a “female” excuse, my hormones are all out of whack. But my husband has been the absolute best crutch for that. He has never backed down from her screams, and when he sees me breaking down with the baby, he jumps right in.

And on that note, as moms, we need to normalize letting other people help during the meltdowns. I know my mom guilt has made me feel like I have to be the one working through my baby’s meltdowns, even when I’m emotionally and mentally unwell. But that isn’t true. If you have a partner who is helping you parent your child, they are allowed to help. It’s not just your job. If you have family nearby who offers to hold the baby when you’re breaking down and the baby is having a meltdown, let them. It isn’t helpful to have both of you crying and losing it, because your baby feeds off of your emotions, your heart rate, and your breathing. You need to be able to settle down before you can settle your baby. Let people help you!

Anyways, back to the original topic at hand here. Naps and how uncool they are, and how sleeping independently is even worse. Truthfully, I don’t have any help for this if you’re reading this far for an answer. We’re trying different things right now. It’s a lot of baby steps, and some days are better than others. And it’s unpredictable. We can keep things exactly the same, and naps are different from day to day. My husband and I have tried just about everything people recommend, but truthfully, the only thing that’s somewhat saved our sanity is just going with the flow and accepting that some days are going to work well, and some days are going to suck. But then, even if it’s just once, we get to see her adorable, gummy smile. And then I cry happy tears and I forget about all the crankiness and fussiness of the day. Someday these cries are going to be different, and she won’t want me to hold her through them. I won’t be able to rock her to sleep anymore, or carry her around so she’s always close to me.

So yeah, this week has been tough. I’ve questioned my ability to be a good mom more than once in an hour a couple times this week. But my daughter wakes up with a smile every morning, and she goes to bed with a clean diaper and full belly. I’m doing the best I can, and I just need to take more time to remember that. There is no rule book that tells you how to be the perfect mom or parent, and mistakes will be made. Things will be tough sometimes. You’ll learn new things about your baby every day, for the rest of their life. Don’t forget the bad times, it’s all a part of raising your child, but don’t get stuck on them. Just do your best, and I promise that’s exactly what your child needs.