Clash in Values—How much is negotiable?

With the U$ poised on the brink of a civil war with Republicans & Democrats so polarized & tensions & uncertainly in the country igniting increasing chaos & violence, Republicans have been crying that Democrats refuse to date them. But when values so opposed to one another surface in relationships, major disputes generally arise, so is it safe to date someone of such different political views?

Such conflicts of values or perspectives often result in violence within & between cultures, nations, religions, families, communities, social classes, & other interest groups. It has been immensely exciting to be a mediator in many conflict situations that I was able to defuse, delay, minimize, manage, or help others to resolve.

Getting in between conflicted people, though exciting & rewarding when successful, can be dangerous. I have been lucky, & apparently skilled enough, to avoid such escalations. But in these times of hotheaded psychos having been unleashed by the buffoon who recently disgraced the Oval Office & the international image of what used to be the United $tates, I would not want to be mediating—or even living on the same continent—as the spitbrains who would need to be calmed down before negotiations were possible. Besides, negotiation with a hate-filled psychopath is virtually impossible. Not all situations can be reconciled. Ukraine facing Putin is in that neighborhood.

When all other options are exhausted but fail to bring or keep 2 or more conflicted parties together, the final suggestion, so heartbreaking at times, may need to be heeded: get out of the relationship, or don’t get into one if it has not yet begun. Saving oneself is a valid reason for preventing or ending catastrophic unions. The Soviet so-called Union was one such recent example, Yugoslavia another.

The Catholic Church convincingly shows itself to still be in the Middle Ages by prohibiting life-giving & violence-avoiding divorce. One of my most appreciated “thank yous” from a psychotherapy client a few years ago was from a woman whose marriage I was unable to salvage, but who was so surprised & thrilled that she & her husband were able to part amicably & stay friends. This was vital in their case because they’d had a couple of children whose upbringing will continue to require joint decisions, which, in a sense, will keep them interacting for the rest of their lives. I’ll always have her words featured in my mental trophy case of accomplishments, a special corner of my mind I occasionally dip into when things are not going so well.

Regarding the crying Republicans, I doubt that if I were still back in the U$ that I could be friends with or even in the company of reality-denying mindblown MAGAt’s or QAnoners let alone getting involved in a relationship with them. What do those in an alternate reality see as favorable in dating someone with views so opposed to their wacko ones? Marjorie Taylor Green’s husband has seen the light in this regard & has jumped ship, to his relief, I am sure.

The only theory I could propose is that Republican men would see it as a macho achievement of sexual conquest for their emasculated egos, which I suspect many now coddle with all their legal efforts to regain political dominance having been so frustrated & humiliated. To “get a woman” who is a Democrat & probably more liberal almost by definition, who would be more readily available for sex than some uptight purse-lipped prudish fundamentalcase Holy Roller Republican, would be considered a “win” in their otherwise defeated reality. I know—maybe just a tad overstated, but you get the drift.

This is not something new. Almost ½ a century ago, I had a friend who, during her 1st month of marriage to a man she’d known only a short time, found out that he’d voted for Nixon. Recovering from her shock that she’d pitched camp with someone with such grossly differing values—basically the enemy—Melba realized he wasn’t at all the kind of person she wanted to live with. She divorced him immediately.

I’d be hard-pressed to find a better reason for a divorce, unless it was from someone who has voted for any of the spitbrained Republican presidents after Nixon, who seem to have gotten progressively worse intellectually, morally, & in so many other ways. I, for example, can not by the farthest stretch of my rather fluid imagination, understand how Melania Trump can look herself in the mirror knowing the kind of person her husband is. I don’t understand how she is not dying of shame being involved & sleeping with someone that morally reprehensible & mentally & emotionally deranged. I can’t help wondering what is wrong with her. Maybe she belongs in a back ward of a psychiatric hospital as well as her demented husband? I know that’s where I’d soon be if I were dating or living with a Republican.

©Vytas Stoskus, 2022 www.stoskus.net

If you like my work & do not fear reading an outspoken thinker, writer, & heretic opposed to the stupidities which are taking down humanity & civil society, please kick in a one-time or monthly support of $3, $6, $9, or whatever sum you can in multiples of $3 at Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/vytasjstoskus?ref=onboarding_email_share2

Sharing this article with others will also help significantly as I am a computer idiot & have not mastered social media for its effectiveness. I prefer interacting directly with diverse peoples & writing about it for everyone’s benefit.

Thank you so much.