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Turd in the shower

Keep your head up

Turd in the shower

So people have been asking me if I wrote anything while I was away. The answer is yes. Much of it is junk, because prison wasn't that funny this time. Most of the stuff I did was just to depressing for Facebook. I did however have a few good sessions. So I thought I'd share. This one is called "turd in the shower "

Commissary day. What a treat. I got some coffee, granola bars, a new notebook and some pens. It's amazing how just a few creature comforts can make your day. You have to be looking for it though. If you have a positive attitude, and learn to savor the little things, you can have peace of mind like a zen master.

One good way to stay positive is to learn something new every day. Even in prison there's new stuff to learn. For example, did you know gay guys poop in the shower? Suprising, I know. I didn't know that either. Its true though, all the lady boy cross dressing types do it. Just sorta falls right outta there. You ever forget to close the tailgate on your truck? You drive up a steep hill and all your stuff falls out the back. Its kinda the same principle.

The first time you see it, your brain doesn't understand what just happened. A good magician like Chris Angle can do the same thing to your brain. Thing is this ain't no magic trick and your brain catches up pretty quickly. You will notice a lag though. It's so odd, you think, is that,,,,? No can't be, wait, what? Then your brain catches up, and sounds the alarm. Yup that's poop human poop, let's get out of here.

You know those times when you slip on the ice, or a wet floor? You jerk to correct your balance. You pull muscles in your back, or maybe stub your toe. As you make awkward attempts to regain stability. Well you know you have to keep walking to prevent pulling a muscle. You walk it off. Well your brain is just a muscle, and seeing something like that could sprain your mind. You gotta walk it off.

Your shower has been canceled, so you decide to walk the yard for a while. You look around and realize some how times have changed and nobody warned you. When did being an outlaw get so gay? Tattooed tuff guys walking the yard holding hands with a guy who has fake tits and an amazing ass. You think, he must spend a fortune on razors to keep his legs that smooth. He really does look great. AHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK, your loosing your zen.

You keep walking it off, and realize its not for you. Women have much better purpose built parts for those intament moments. Parts that don't malfunction later and ruin your shower. Plus girls smell great. They're just better.

You head back to your cell, having just avoided a bad mental sprain. You sit down at your tiny desk and your celly walks in and says "gross, you're not gonna shower after your workout" you just smile and say "yup I'm the gross one in this situation, just a disgusting human being" sarcasm is slowly trying to become frustration and anger. You don't want to go there. So you take a sip of coffee, bite of your granola bar, open your notebook and start to write "commissary day what a treat" take a breath and you're the zen master once again. Inner peace restored.

The late great Chris Cutler once said to me "I'm not afraid of anything, except women and the police" I found out later he was quoting Burt Reynolds. Still I give Cutler credit for giving me those words to live by. In that spirit of tradition I'm going to give you some words to live by. "Never forget, never ever forget their are no chicks with dicks only dudes with boobs" also enjoy the little things. Enjoy what you have and don't worry about what you want. Do that and you can have peace in any situation. You can survive anything.

Lifes storms are coming no matter what. Be an island let the waves crash. As long as you have peace of mind and stay content nothing can touch you. Not even a turd in the shower.

Clifford Albrecht
Clifford Albrecht
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Clifford Albrecht

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