Rocks

Rocks are more than they appear to be. What else, what other inanimate object can cause so many different emotional responses in people? What do I mean you ask? I'm glad you asked, let me tell you a story. I once had a wonderful woman. Like most girls, she loved rocks. I didn't get it either, but she did. The house was littered with the things. Crystals, geodes, jade, and rocks that vaguely looked like something. Not just that but she had boxes of rocks, saved for some unknown event in the future. Not one little box, but many large heavy boxes of rocks, heavy because they are full of fucking rocks. Far too heavy for her to carry. That means this lucky guy got to carry them around. Every time they were in the way, as rocks often are, I moved them. Every new house, move the rocks. A pointless exercise if you ask me, but to her, a priceless collection,,, of useless rocks... This rock collection caused feelings of resent in me, but pride and joy to her. We had so many arguments about the rocks. Not even kidding, rocks. Been around for millions of years, just sitting there being rocks, and we are fighting over them. Arguably the most readably available substance on the planet, next to water and air. Still there we are arguing about rocks. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY ROCKS, she says. Of course she is right I don't give a shit about rocks, but I said, WHAT DO YOU MEAN! I CARRY THEM AROUND, BOUGHT A HOUSE FOR THEM TO LIVE IN, I CARE MORE ABOUT THOSE ROCKS THAN YOU DO! obviously this wasn't true, but I really would have liked to win an argument once in my life. Turns out that was not happening that day, or any other day. I keep hoping though. One day I'll win an argument and it will be everything I thought it could be. Im getting off the point. One could say that rocks, at least in part ended my marriage. Well rocks and a bunch of other stuff, but they certainly didn't help! Rocks have done much more than ruin my marriage. All summer I've been seeing touring boats driving around, with crowds of people paying $150 a head to take pictures of rocks. It's insanity! Think about it these people working a job back home, telling all there friends "just six months of saving money and vacation days and we're going to Alaska and get pictures of rocks" plus I'm sure some poor husband will follow his wife down the beach on a romantic walk, carrying rocks for his wife. Rocks he will pay to ship home, carry around for ten years, and if he's not careful they'll end his marriage. Pore guy just wanted to be nice and get laid. He doesn't realize the evil he's putting in his pockets. Not diamonds just rocks. It's a whole industry rocks are. There's more, as a former husband and a sailor, I have a special dislike for these things. Nothing like driving a boat through some narrow channel knowing there is a rock of to your starboard side. You can't see it in the dark, but its on the chart, you know its there, just under the surface of the water. Formed millions of years ago, quietly sitting and waiting to attack and sink your boat, killing everyone on board. Just knowing they are there inspires feelings of dread and stress. Silent perfectly still, murderous rocks. So if you are in love, and your girl likes rocks, set a precedent now, and buy her a diamond. It's cheaper in the long run. Get her into those rocks. At least they have value. If you're packing around heavy boxes of diamonds, it won't seem so pointless. Just saying...