You Never Know

I recently joined this dating app called Blind Love. It’s pretty much online dating in the dark. No pictures, videos, or social media accounts allowed, only the person’s profile. Stupid right? At least that’s what I thought until all my friends ended up finding their currents boyfriends through the app. The app claims to have an algorithm that helps find individuals’ ideal matches according to their personality types and values. Every week the app gives you a new batch of matches. After you read their biographies, you can choose to swipe left (no) or right (yes) and start a conversation. The app recommends you build rapport with the other person for at least a month before you set up the First Meet. The First Meet is where you finally get to reveal what each other looks like. If you like what you see, you can choose to go on a first date with them. If you don’t, you can call it quits right there and then. So here I am, standing outside the entrance of a botanical garden waiting to meet a guy that for all I know, could look like Napoleon Dynamite. The guy’s name is Tony. We have been messaging for two months now. Out of all the guys I’ve corresponded with, Tony has made me feel most like myself. I am so nervous and I can’t seem to stop checking myself on my iPhone camera.

As I fix my hair, using my camera as a mirror, I see through my screen a man pop up next to me. Startled, I drop my phone to the ground. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you” he says. “That’s ok, I was just uh…making sure I look decent” I say as I compose myself. “Well, I’m sorry to say, but you actually don’t look decent”, he says with a mean look. He then adds “you look stunning!”. I laugh in relief “Oh! That’s totally not where I thought that was going!” He laughs with me and says “Yes I’m quite good at building suspense. I’m Tony, you must be Lily”, he says and shakes my hand. It takes me a long second before I process that this is my Tony. “T-tony!” I exclaim in utter surprise. He doesn’t look anything like I had imagined him. He looks much older. He smiles in amusement, “I’m not what you were expecting was I?”. I am at a loss for words. It’s definitely a bad idea to bring up his age and risk offending him. I’m not saying he looks bad, he actually cleans up quite nicely. He’s got thick dark hair, a pearly smile, good build, and nice style. I know it said on Tony’s profile that he is 33. I am 23. I really don’t mind the 10 year age gap, but I wasn’t expecting the gap to look this apparent! He looks like he is at least 38!

“No-- I mean you look great. It’s just different from what I pictured” I say trying to save face in this already awkward First Meet. He kisses his teeth, “It’s the grey jacket, isn’t it? I knew it didn’t go well with my skin tone. Should’ve worn my tan jacket. I never get complaints with that one”. I know he’s trying to be humorous but I’m still unsure if I should stay or go. Seeing my doubt, gently says “Lily, I know this is probably the weirdest thing that you’ve ever done. Trust me, it’s the weirdest I’ve ever done. This definitely is not how I would’ve wanted to do things. But we can’t deny that you and I have built a great connection over the past two months. I’m not gonna tell you what you should do or what you should be expecting out of this first date. We might end up gaining a beautiful friendship, or you might kicking me to the curb and never speak to me again. All I am saying is that you never know…So before you make that decision, let me take you on this date. What do you say?”.

Wow. His little speech actually convinced me. “Ok yeah, let’s do it! You never know” I say. I walk towards the entrance but he stops me and offers me his arm. What is this the 1950’s? But without protest I take his arm and let him guide me to the entrance. As we walk through the gardens, we share endless stories about ourselves. We share stories about my new career in marketing, about the businesses he owns, about how I grew up with a single mother, and about his experiences in the army when he joined at the age of 21. I felt as if though I could talk and laugh with him forever. We took pictures by the fountains, sat in the shade, admired the nature, fed the swans and ducks, and went for ice cream. “Enjoying yourself so far?” Tony asks as he throws away the remains of my ice cream. “Are you kidding? This has been by far one of the best dates I had ever gone on! Not bad old man, you’ve still got some game.” I say teasing him. Tony pretends to be offended “Old!? Oh no, I think the world you’re looking for is mature. Plus. Whatchu talking about. I still got it! Boom! You see these?” he says as he flexes his biceps, “Shooot, I should sue the T-shirt companies for making sleeves too small”. I laugh and punch his flexed arm, “Ok so what’s next?”. “Part two of our date, we’re going to one of my restaurants” he replies. “No way! Wait- aren’t I a little under dressed?” I say. “No, it’s fine. We’ll sit in the patio” Tony says reassuring me. “Ok!” I say and follow him to his car. He then opened and closed the car door for me. I guess chivalry really isn’t dead. I could get used to this.

Once we arrive to his restaurant, I am led to a table by the end of the patio with a bouquet of my favourite flowers on it (fire roses). “NO! Really!?” I say in awe of how perfect this date has been. He pulls my chair for me and I sit down. He chuckles, “Hmm, too much?” I struggle to find the right words and then finally say, “I feel like a freaking princess!” Tony laughs, “Good! That’s how it should be”. He beckons the server over and the server pours us two glasses of red wine. “Well, any more surprises and I might just have to bring you home to mom” I joke. He gives me as small smile and takes a sip of his wine. He nods, smacks his lips, “Merlot. You can never go wrong with Merlot”. He brings his glass to mine and we clink glasses. I take a sip of my wine and nod in approval. I look over at Tony and his face is suddenly downcast. “Want’s wrong?” I ask concerned. He composes himself, smiles, and pulls out a manilla envelope from the inside of his jacket “Nothing, I’ve got one more surprise for you”. He hands me the envelope. “What is this?” I ask intrigued as I flip it over, “it’s not a million-dollar check is it?” He leans forward and raises his eyebrows in suspense “Only one way to find out”.

I tear the folder and pull out the contents. It’s pictures, a card, and folded piece of paper. I lay it all out in front of me. The first picture is that of a young man holding a baby. “Wait it’s you!” I say holding the picture up to his face to compare. “You look so young! How old were you here?” I ask. “Twenty” he replies “Nice. Who’s the baby?” I ask inspecting the photo further. “…It’s my daughter” He says in a serious tone. “Your daughter??? No way, she must be like 13 right now!” I say surprised at this new revelation. I continue to look through the photos and see on of him with his arms wrapped around a beautiful young woman and another photo of him and the same woman holding the baby together in a hospital bed. As I bring the photo closer for me to examine more carefully, I pause. Why does her face look so familiar? It suddenly hits me like a train wreck. That’s my mother. My mother has gained a lot of weight throughout the years, but her face is still the same. It’s her. I gasp and clasp my mouth. I look at Tony in utter horror, looking for him to rescue me with any answer “What is this?” I ask not wanting to jump to conclusions. Tony looked afraid. “Lily”, he says. He clears his throat and tries again “Lily, I’m not 33…I’m 43. I met your Sandra, your mother, in college. We were college sweethearts, and we had you when we were 20 years old… I’m your father…”.

I stare at him in shock. Tony continues, “We were just young, stupid kids and…” he pauses and looks at me with hurt in his eyes “and I left you and your mother to join the army the year after to start a new life. I- I- just couldn’t do it”. I hold my head in my hands. This doesn’t make sense! Growing up my mother had told me that she didn’t know who my father was. She had a drunken one-night stand with some guy at a college party. It’s been her and I against the world ever since. It’s all I’ve ever known. How could she lie to me?! Lie to me for so many years and not even flinch! After 15 minutes of replaying my life over and over in my head Tony begins to speak, “I reached out to your mother three years ago. I couldn’t go another year, knowing what I had done. I knew I needed to make things right. Anyway, she told me to wait for you to finish school. I greatly respect that. But when you finally did, I had to wait another whole year for your mother to finally decide when was the right time for me to meet you.” He reached over the table, opened the card and set it in front of me, “It’s from your mother. Read it. She explains the rest”. With tears in my eyes, I read her card. She confirms that Tony is my father, she explains why she never told me, and how she wanted to help my father and I to have the relationship that I deserved.

It all makes sense now, the personality match on the dating app, the perfect date, my favourite roses. My mother coached him. I close the car and begin to weep silently. I look at the folded white piece of paper and then I look at Tony questioningly. “A paternity test” he replies. I take it and look through it. Indeed, it’s a mach. Antonio Alvarez is the father of Liliana Montes. For what seems like an eternity, I stare at the 99.999% on the form. “You really are my father” I say. Tony replies, “I am”. I then grab my glass of wine and chug it. Tony raises his eyebrows surprised. But before I can utter a word he slides over his glass. I take it and chug it as well. I slowly nod, “You’re right, you really can’t go wrong with a glass of merlot”. Tony reaches over and takes hold of my hands with a sweet smile on his face. Unable to resist I sigh and hold his hands back while feeling all kinds of mixed emotions. He softly caresses them with his thumbs. His touch is so comforting, I finally relax a little. I give him a small smile as my eyes tear up again “what now?” I say chuckling nervously. He smiles back “You never know".