TO MEET IS TO SEPARATE

When the moonlight began to nestle by the window and night gradually fell, I suddenly became stunned thinking about the past months. How long has it been?

A year?

Two years?

Or three years?

I don't know anymore, it's been too long to remember her face, the person who made me flutter for half my life.

gap-go-la-de-separation

Si un jour je disparais.

Vais je te manquer?

It was a hot summer day in a strange city, I was lounging on a bench in the middle of a long break. Even though the homeroom teacher hoarsely asked everyone to get along, no one wanted to talk to a newcomer. The gloomy atmosphere mixed with the sound of cicadas for several days made me feel very sad. , and remember my friends at my old school.

"Hey! I heard there's a new student transferring to the next class. Is it you?"

Ah! Old ghosts bully new ghosts again.

I heard a lot about them before studying at this school, the hateful and unpleasant people. To deal with this situation, it's best not to be weak, I was taught that, but why doesn't anyone say that a bully becomes so flustered and embarrassed that he has to scratch his cheek.

"Where are you from?"

So it's not them.

"Hey... Are you mute? Did you hear what I said?"

Suddenly I felt disappointed, but this guy talked too much, and was more annoying than the cicadas on the trees. He kept talking until it was time to go to class. Really annoying.

The next few days were the same, every time it was time to play, he would come up to where I was sitting and brag about all sorts of things, as if we were very close. I didn't bother to answer, sometimes I just hummed to get a few candies out of his hand.

Gradually, I began to get to know my friends in class and no longer had to sit alone on the bench, so I also forgot about that annoying person who was a troublemaker during recess.

But somehow, every time we play, there's a figure undulating outside the window. It's still the same mushroom head and annoying eyes. Does he think that standing in the hallway won't result in him being disciplined for going to someone else's class? Really stupid. I called the class president, and in less than two minutes, the loud screams echoed throughout the building. After that, the troublesome debt seemed to evaporate. There was no sign of it anywhere anymore. I pouted and clicked my tongue to let it go. Peaceful life passed like that until the new school year.

With the desire to create a sociable and friendly group, every year the school board mixes students from different classes together, and so we meet again. But luckily we weren't at the same table, each was in a group. Yet every time, every time he could answer a question, he would turn around with a look of disdain and disdain, as if he was the only one in this whole class who could do it.

Hate it!

I thought to myself and responded to his provocative chin movements by volunteering to go to the board. At first, the teacher was very happy and even praised the two children for their progressive spirit. But gradually everyone realized that we had conflicts, to the point that if one person was on the board, the other person had to volunteer; Otherwise, we'll sit under the rocks and blame each other. And to calm the situation, she decided to sit us at the same table in the hope that we would make up.

But there was no such thing as an easy thing, he must have thought so too, so as soon as he changed places, he divided the table and drew a line, each child had his own country and no one touched anyone else. If you violate, you will be fined. And it didn't take two days for his hand to have red welts while I was fine.

It was very angry, but after hundreds of dirty tricks, the opponent still refused to violate the border. He then called for help, ran all the way to her desk, cried, and told her about it.

Oh my god!

How can someone be so crazy? I did not bully or beat anything. Isn't he the one who started everything? How the hell is it that the one standing in the corner of the classroom is now me!!!

After that, he became much more shy, always afraid and didn't even dare to look me straight in the eye. Perhaps it realized its mistake? But I don't know anymore. But in the end, the person who came to mediate was still the homeroom teacher.

And to prove that pact, the two invited each other fatty candies full of earnest friendship. But actually it's all his money, anyway it's not me who's at fault.

Then one fine day, he insisted on playing tic-tac-toe. Looks very excited. Her pupils widened just like a girl's. I pouted: "You don't know that I'm a loner and you still invite me."

Having said that, I still argued with him a few times. Just thinking about someone having to cry and beg for forgiveness makes my heart feel happy. And it didn't take even ten minutes for the harsh truth to wake me up. Five goals without equalizing.

What a shame!

I pursed my lips and put down my pen, because I knew there was no point in playing anymore. Then it gained momentum, covering its mouth and laughing mischievously, its narrowed eyes full of scorn and contempt as if to say: "It turns out that being alone and seeking defeat is just a vain name..."

I still can't forget that miserable failure, because until later, it was still used to tease me every time I had the chance.

Time keeps passing by, and the life of an elementary school student begins to come to an end. On the closing day, we met at a familiar store outside the school gate. The owner is a meticulous person who likes to be clean, so when I received the invitation, I immediately thought of some weird tricks instead of saying goodbye. And it certainly is the same.

Those days were still popular with snacks like yogurt bags, instant noodles, jelly, etc. So I decided to choose the simplest, easiest thing to make and also the food he liked to eat the most. Packaged shredded noodles. There's no need to calculate or be fussy at all, I just tear off a small corner at the bottom, then grab it tightly and give it to it with a warm face: "Here. For you."

Seemingly realizing something, he grimaced and pushed back a bag of opaque ivory-colored yogurt and gritted his teeth to hold the package of shredded noodles. The two put their arms around each other's shoulders and then fought like the swordsmen in Kim Dung's story: "I know, you're still angry that time so you don't like me. But now you're in middle school, you're all grown up, so everything Consider it a waste..."

He talked a lot, kept walking back and forth in front of the shop, but I didn't hear much, because at that time my chest was pounding loudly because I saw the noodle crumbs starting to scatter on the path. Is it fear or nervousness? I don't know anymore. But as soon as the owner put her hands on her waist and was about to curse her husband, I ran away, leaving her bewildered and not understanding what was going on.

le destin est étrange

Mais je n'y crois pas.

In middle school, we no longer attended the same school.

I imagine how wonderful and peaceful school would be without it. But somehow, my heart felt a lot more depressed and empty, no longer interested in anything, just like when I first moved here. Looking back, all this time, it was the only thing that made me feel less boring and life became more joyful. Even though it's not very friendly at times, without it, everything becomes a lot bleaker. No one teases or teases anymore, the competition also disappears, and academic performance drops noticeably. Instead, the time spent looking out the window started to become more frequent. I don't know what's wrong with me either. Strange emotions keep haunting me. What a bother...

And then everything passed again, until the end of eighth grade. During an excellent student exam at another school, because I had finished my homework and no one came to pick me up, I had no other choice but to walk around to kill time. Then there, I encountered a stranger that brought extreme familiarity. Still short hair and black t-shirt. The quick steps that follow each beat of the ball remind me of my old appearance.

Or is it? But that's so strange, because it doesn't have breasts!!!

That curiosity made me pay more attention. And it seemed like he realized someone was looking at him. She stopped, not even bothering to receive the incoming pass, but raised her eyebrows: "Hey!..." and then scratched her bangs when she saw the opponent start to be stunned.

There was no doubt about it anymore, it was right there, just like when we first met. I felt my ears start to burn with embarrassment. So it turns out that up until now, I've always been comparing and losing with a girl. But how the hell couldn't we notice? We've been sitting next to each other for half a year.

Perhaps he also sensed something, so as soon as I moved to leave, he called out: "Is it you? Wait a minute, Dad. It's been a long time since we last saw each other."

Listening to the tone, it seemed to be very happy, including the sound of hurried footsteps behind. But there was no reason to do what he said, so I went straight.

It's obviously troublesome and annoying!

Le destin... est ce comme taquiner les gens?

I thought after that unexpected meeting, everything would return to normal. But the miraculous arrangement once again disrupted my peaceful rhythm of life.

At the beginning of the high school year, our students had to rush to find centers or extra classes to reinforce basic knowledge as well as prepare for graduation and university exams. And in some strange way, fate called once again. We met in math class, sitting at the same table, with the same teacher, just like in the old days.

Thinking that, I smiled slightly and so did she. Perhaps both of them had the same thoughts when placed in the same situation. Only small things are still as obnoxious, unpleasant and annoying as ever. The meeting gift is a piece of paper with six numbers and a dash: 125 - 127

Not a greeting or a question at all. It's simply the score of checkers played. And of course the loser is still me. Looks like she intends to start a war. But who is afraid of whom?

So we started again, but there was no more jealousy or hostility like when we were kids. A little more mature, a little wiser. And I don't know when, I started to laugh more...

Perhaps time will really make people change, children too, start to grow long hair, wear feminine clothes, no longer like before, just a tomboy. She even became more mature, spoke softly and began to learn about beauty care. But no matter what angle I look at it from, I still see her as an obnoxious and unpleasant person.

There were times while studying, for some reason he grimaced, hugged one side of his stomach and clutched my hand, as if he was in pain to the point of death. Yet when asked, I only received irritation and discomfort. Every time that happens, I pout and curse under my breath. But every time, she would invite and comfort her with a round of red bean tea instead of apologizing.

And I don't know when, those hanging out together started to become more frequent.

Then suddenly one day, while giving lessons to a girl at the next table, I noticed that she was a bit different. Feeling like I'm always frowning and wanting to scold people.

I'm sure my parents scolded me!

I decided to ask her to stay after class to ask questions. But the situation became more and more wrong, to the point where even one wrong stroke could annoy the entire page. So I gave him a lollipop and asked softly: "What's wrong, Mom???"

"Nothing!"

But why the hell was she not holding the candy bar like usual, and even glaring at me.

I tilted my head slightly: "I wasn't sure before, but now I see the problem. It's okay!"

As soon as she finished speaking, she slammed the book on the table so hard that the whole class had to turn to look. Seeing that the situation didn't look good, I gently pulled his hand and urged him to calm down.

But she didn't say anything, just asked her permission to leave early because her health was not good. Before passing by, he kicked me in the leg.

"It's obviously troublesome!"

While muttering, I asked permission to go out to go to the bathroom, and often saw her shadow disappearing at the end of the alley.

Someone once said: "We are just grown-up versions of small children." Maybe that's why sadness comes so quickly but goes away just as quickly. At the next tutoring session, I saw her as cheerful and active as usual, and even brought rice rolls with her. So while eating, I asked about the old story, but she just shook her head and smiled without saying anything. Seeing that awkward and annoying gesture, I pouted. Truly unpleasant...

In the last days of autumn, the rain began to increase, making the road surface wet. Cold and hunger urged everyone to quickly go home to be with their families. And so was she, just in a bit of a hurry, she slipped and fell down the steps, her knees were all scratched, and blood was pouring out. I had to sigh and scratch my head and go into the house to ask her for some bandages and hydrogen peroxide for first aid. Unlike usual, she didn't jump when someone touched her, but instead sat still while I cleaned and bandaged her. His eyes still sparkled strangely.

After finishing, she wanted to go home on her own, but she couldn't even lead the car, let alone drive it. In the end, I had to take it home. Obviously annoying!!!

After that time, for some reason, she didn't dare look me straight in the face. The two of them always avoided each other as if there was an invisible wall separating them. But deep in my mind, I knew that something strange, like emptiness, like anxiety, was starting to flicker.

Until I saw her sitting at the table and laughing with another boy. For some reason, I felt restless inside, my heart beat skipped a beat, both disappointed and uncomfortable. These feelings keep surfacing. I scratched my head, took the stack of books and sat between the two of them with a friendly smile: "It's time to go to class, ladies!"

She was smiling from ear to ear, not knowing what to think all hour without studying, she kept looking at me with her hands on her knees, making me feel guilty.

What a hassle! But not too obnoxious!!!

From that day on, we started spending more time together. Or wander the streets next to the lake, or go to the park to watch the bonsai tree trimmers.

But what is this called? Student love? I don't think so, but I don't need it either. Because sometimes no one says anything, just quietly walk together, looking at the sky, looking at the ground, then looking at the person next to them and smiling, that's enough.

At the end of the tenth grade and the beginning of the eleventh grade, studying was rampant and the pressure of exams, while my family always pressured me, made me, someone who felt that homework was too normal, feel stressed because of the overload. The climax is having to take a break from extra classes to relax yourself.

That day it was raining lightly. Under the canopy outside the park, I sat and observed the hustle and bustle of people on the street, but I missed home very much. But it's still early, if I go home right now, my mother will definitely scold me for skipping school. Thinking and thinking again, I swung on the rock wall and caught every drop of rain falling on the porch. The coolness and comfort gradually bring the mind back.

I don't know when, there was a person standing next to me, quiet and smiling. She shook the water off her umbrella and raised her eyebrows: "So you guys skipped class to come out here to play in the rain?"

I pouted and patted the place next to me: "But there's someone following me."

"This coward just happened to pass by and saw someone indifferent in here."

Having said that, she jumped up onto the rock, tried to touch me, and continued: "What's wrong with you these days? It's gloomy..."

Not letting her finish her sentence, I turned around and watched intently. The two ends of his pants were completely wet while the rain was not heavy, his hair and roots were also stained with small drops. Breathing is a bit short. No need to ask, I know what she did. I sighed: "You don't have to do that!"

She struggled, swinging her legs in the rainwater and saying nothing. Perhaps it is this quiet atmosphere that makes us feel comfortable. Suddenly, I glanced over and looked back.

Does telepathy?

I don't know anymore. But for the first time I saw such beautiful eyes. Sparkling and deep. Below the corners of her eyes are a few freckles like stylish dots on her white skin.

"What are you looking at!!!"

She raised her eyebrows and turned away. I laughed, rubbed her hair and held her hand to pull her down.

"Let's go! Nay brother, so be reasonable and hold an umbrella."

Croiss en la destination?

Ne sont pas! Mais...

Today's break is longer than usual because she has some personal matters. But actually, we students don't really care much, everyone has their own thing. Some sleep, some listen to music, some eat. As for her, she took out her phone and played around with it. I heard it's been so popular lately that the sentences are cheesy and dead where honey kills flies. But it seems small too. Because even though I said I was in the middle of some exercises, I still insisted on being able to pronounce a meaningless French sentence: "Si un jour je disparais. Vais je te manquer?" Or at least at the time I assumed so.

Just waiting for that, she immediately hugged the phone to her chest, smiled widely and mumbled a certain response that I could only vaguely hear: "Withdrawal... stamp... fast forward..."

Looking at that exhilarated and detestable gesture, I frowned: "If you have time, why don't you practice checkers? The score is close at 157 - 158. If you're not careful... "

She shook her head vigorously and then happily turned to the phone, turning it back to me every now and then to the point where I had to ignore my homework to deal with the trouble in front of me. This time, she sobbed again at some crappy love story on the internet, then used the same headline to compare with herself.

"Hey... Hey... Isn't it the same with you and me? It's just like fate."

I nodded and thought it was right. Ben then secretly observed the expression on her face. Dumbfounded and smiling. It certainly reminds me of the old days. Then suddenly she looked straight into my eyes, smiling with satisfaction: "Ah! Do you believe in fate? I do, and I'm very grateful for it ha ha..."

Fate? Rub. I don't know anymore. Probably not. But...

I didn't say anything, just smiled and rubbed my head against her forehead, saying seriously: "Who knows about the future. But for now, it's there, quickly finish your homework."

Le destin est il prédéterminé?

Si c'est le cas, je n'en veux plus...

Fate will always call the names of those who are foolish but pious. But why is an outsider like me also mentioned? Is this a challenge, a tease, or simply a betrayal?

How nice it would be if that day never comes. She had to return to her hometown to celebrate his grandfather's death and died due to drowning...

Rub...

On the day of the funeral, it was pouring rain. I didn't dare go in, I just stood quietly at a distance and watched. Her photos are displayed very neatly and beautifully. They take the happiest and most youthful moments and place them on them. But for me, she is always there, still standing quietly next to me under the umbrella and smiling under the dome. So I can't cry, or maybe God is crying for this heart.

What's the point of fighting each other...

What's the point of studying well...

Finally, there's only me left!

Until now, more than five years have passed, even though I cannot remember his face clearly, I still cannot forget that love. Or maybe it's just me embracing my feelings and tormenting myself.

She is truly a terrible person, arbitrarily entering other people's lives; arbitrarily disturbing the inherent peace; Give them hope, give them promises and then leave on their own... Who allowed it!!! Without saying goodbye, he quickly walked away. Clearly making a promise and then unilaterally breaking that promise. Lies and betrayal.

If that day, we confessed to each other, maybe it would be different. Continue or stop. Whatever it is, it's probably better than an indifferent ending, without beginning or end, that makes people suffer to this extent.

Fate?

Rub! I don't believe in it.

But...

I believe in your words again.

Jusqu'à la mort...

Je t'aime toujours.

---❧•❧---End---❧•❧---

Sidelines:

It wasn't until later that I asked that I learned that the bully at that time had lost the game 'King and Slave' so he had to compete with a stranger on the bench.

---

At the end of elementary school, the bag of yogurt she gave me tasted horrible. Perhaps in addition to the main ingredients, there are also exotic spices. But it's okay, I still feel happy to retaliate once.

---

The part where she falls down looks a bit funny. The way he limps but still wants to sit in the car. You guys must think it's very romantic. The weather is cold. Light drizzle. Amidst the withered and dying scene of falling leaves, a flower has just begun to bloom. One before, one after. But in reality, there was one more final part for me: "Okay... okay... Get in Dad's car. I'll pay you the next day."

---

A year ago I met my aunt again at her child's grave. Looks shabby and old. At first, he was confused and didn't know who I was, but after looking for a while, he was startled and remembered something, then ran back to the car. A moment later he came back with a small notebook, perhaps it was always there, for this moment.

"Is that you?"

Although it's a bit difficult to understand, that choking and lingering feeling makes me realize many things. It turned out to be her legacy. I take it. It's an old diary.

Later I didn't dare read it and burned it. It seemed that the problems would fly away with ashes and smoke. But no, I accidentally drank the wrong look and fell in love for half my life.