Missing Loved Ones

It really doesn't matter how much time goes by, truth is if you lose someone you love you miss them forever. As time goes by, it does get a little easier and you learn to accept that they're gone. As of May 29th, 2021 it has been two years since my son's father passed away. His Mother also passed away last October and she was very important to me as well. Both of them cross my mind daily. I miss them very much and this article is to talk about them and express my feelings.

Daily I see a color, an object, eat a certain kind of food, smell a scent, etc. and it makes me think of one of them. For instance, over the weekend I was at the bar playing billiards and it made me think of Renee. Renee loved to party and play billiards. In fact, she was the life of the party. Her and I used to go places and she'd sneak vodka in by hiding it in water bottles! It's very funny and still amuses me whether it amuses you or not. Renee and Nick had the capability of making others laugh and smile. I have so many great memories with both of them. Renee was such a kind and caring person that after I went over her home for Thanksgiving the first time and she discovered I don't like turkey but ham, she started making a turkey and ham every Thanksgiving that followed! I loved going to her home for Thanksgiving because it was fun and she made me felt cared for and like I belonged. Renee honestly was like a second Mother to me.

As of now my son Viktor (Nick's only child) is three and a half. He is at that part of being a toddler where he vocalizes much more and tells you what he likes and doesn't. A couple weeks ago he told me his favorite color was orange and it made a piece of my heart melt but also shatter. It made my heart shatter because, sunburnt orange was Nick's favorite color. So many things make me think of Nick and Renee daily. I cannot even go to a bar and see someone drinking a Henekin beer without thinking of Nick! I don't even like Henekin beer but, Nick loved it. Whenever Nick did drink which was very seldom, he would have a Henekin beer. He mostly did this while watching the Pittsburgh Penguins or Pittsburgh Steelers games. Nick and I both loved hockey and the Penguins and we also both hated baseball! Nick and I had a lot in common and got along great.

No matter what I do I cannot get them off my mind. Every time I put on a necklace I think of a time Nick and I had our necklaces get stuck together. I had a heart and he had a key. There was a little space for the key to go in but, it wasn't made to stay like that. We hugged and the key went into the heart necklace and stayed stuck! What a weird but, amazing coincidence. Perhaps it wasn't a coincidence and a sign of our love but, that is something I will never know.

I have moved on even though Nick will always have a piece of my heart. I am actually married now and I love my husband very much and he loves my son and I with all his heart. I honestly wrote this article to vent my feelings of how I miss Nick and Renee very much. I cared for both of them so much and still do. As mentioned prior, I think of them daily! What I just can't seem to understand is why hasn't the it gotten easier? Of course when a loved one passes you still think of them and will always miss them but, I think of Nick and Renee constantly. I wonder will the grief ever stop?

I need to keep my head up high and stay strong. I know Nick and Renee are watching over me and I will continue to hold them near and dear to my heart. For those of you that read this thank you and for those of you that had the pleasure of knowing Renee or Nick you are very blessed. Renee and Nick were both fun, caring and amazing people. They sadly left this Earth much, much to soon. I will always love them and never forget them.