Loyalty

I did favors I had no room to do for people. For all the bad checks that I have written to feed myself and others that I thought were for me. For all of the silent tears that I have cried because of how others were treating me, knowing damn well that if I did half of the stuff they did to me to them, they would be pissed the fuck off. At this stage in my life, I do not have time to keep giving other people passes because they are so used to me giving them out like candy. This pattern has shifted for the betterment of me and not anyone else. So if and when I do another favor for someone else, I will not waste any more of my time talking to you about your actions. I am just going to sit back and watch what you do, and then when it comes time for me to decide about your dumb-ass ways and actions, this will be no surprise to you because I have spoken on it before. So when you start to notice that I have fallen back from being in your company, take a minute and sit down by yourself and look at what you did and didn’t do to make me choose the way I move with you from here on out.

I did things that put me in a hole for a while just to see the other mother fucker smile! This includes ex-boyfriends, family members, associates, and friends. Putting myself through school was a life-changing event, but I also knew that I wanted better despite who I was with. I am currently working on paying my student loan debt out, and this is a long process, but at the same time, I am glad that I did go through some of the things that I did because those challenges helped to build my mental, emotional and physical. I have allowed others to say and do almost anything to me because I thought it was typical for all these years. I found out in my late forties that this is not true

I took worries off other people’s backs and added them to mine. I did all of these things for various reasons, and some of those now don’t seem as important as they used to be when I was younger in age and mindset. I have always been the one to listen to other people’s issues and come up with a plan for them to get and do better but what I have found is that most people that I have listened to do not care about my advice. Even though they are the ones that came to me and asked me for it, the sad reality is that they only want to know if my issues are worse than theirs.

So DON’T YOU EVER QUESTION ME ABOUT BEING LOYAL TO YOU. I have always been loyal to the wrong people, and they tend to think that I will always be loyal to them later because I am so loyal to them now. They don’t realize that my loyalty has a limited warranty now, like a car. I can not afford to keep giving others my friendship and sisterhood when all you are going to do is throw it in the trash. Before letting anyone else take my loyalty for granted, just remember that I was loyal to you first, so my falling back from you should now be no surprised. I love people in general but I will always put myself first because no body else can love me like me.