Getting in Touch with Me!

As of late getting older has taken on a new dimension of awareness for me. It's revealing memories of the whys that were never addressed in my youth. Maybe it's best for me to say that this aging process is causing me to see many flaws in my upbringing which is why I've coined this term called misplaced affections to describe a few.

For instance, my awkwardness in meeting someone and then becoming stimulated by them sexually and why things stall. I'm realizing why I haven't been able to remarry and trust being in a relationship that's not sparked by the flesh. So, the thing that I learned about myself this time is the why.

I'm intellectually awkward when it comes down to me expressing myself with someone whom I'm intimately attracted to. The conversations are the key stimulators that makes me want to be intimate with them far sooner than I should. In the past it was mere immature hormones which set the stage for coitus without anything other than physical sexual attraction. As my own awareness of the intellect evolved, I became extremely attracted to the one who mastered the use of language. This is where my problems began as a fuller grown adult.

I can have numerous conversations with many people from different walks of life, no matter what their social status is. No matter who they are. Although I tend to shy away from those who have too much education because I always felt unsure of my vocabulary. Misplaced Affections number two. But, if intimacy isn't involved with those of the opposite sex, then I'm fine with engaging in conversations them.

However, once I entertain that attraction as they show me the interest, I become a silly young girl whose hormones have no place in the control box. Then the dumb spirit of lust takes over and I end up making a fool of myself and ruin what could be beautiful before beauty can take shape. You talk about awkward! It's a harsh reality to acknowledge but one much needed.

It's not that I'm sapiosexual, it's the stimulation of one's intellect and grammar that heightens the attraction, yes. But it can be detrimental to my self-esteem because I don't only want a sexual relationship, but it comes off that way and I have recognized it.

This is why communication with your youth is an important factor in their growth. It gives them the chance to explore their decision making, argue their opinions while being able to find fair grounds, enhance their experience to understand the opposite sex or others in general, know that there's more to life than sexual fulfillment, and give them a more solid foundation to stand on without compromising their choices, morals, and beliefs.

So, for myself, this awareness was needed. I now really understand that we were made for relationships where communication is the main key to discovery. We truly weren't made to be recluses; we were made to enjoy the whole social experience without intimate relations that leads immediately to the bed. I want more and deserve more. I no longer want to be as the silly ones are who can't think past their intimate parts. I've done that too often even from my first marriage. I know can enjoy socializing without the intimate connections of one's bed after I'm aware of my attraction to them.

This has been part of my misplaced affections for years. Thankfully my awareness has been heightened so, I'm ready for the challenges ahead of me. I need to be connected again where social gatherings, besides work and church, are a routine activity in my life. Being involved in social events are healthy and stimulating and having a partner to enjoy them with is a reward.

I want all the benefits of a relationship, but I don't want to scare the right one away by entertaining the same spirit that kept me single for many years in between relationships. I love the intimacy, but I want longevity more than the intimacy.

Times have changed so much. One of the major components that it took to maintain your relationship is outdated and overrated. The times we're living in today calls for a much higher level of self-awareness and conscience stimulation. I guess our awareness of higher education wasn't pushed enough in our family, so we fell for the things that decreased our values of ourselves because that's what was most evident in the dynamics of our upbringing. Unfortunately, I introduced my children to some of those same misplaced affections, but I did instill in them the importance of education. Some embraced it, others fell for the attractions.

Whatever may have happened in the interim, I now apply what I learn so that I can avoid the pits that kept me attached to a cycle of relational despair. My children are fixing their lives as well as they go through their mishaps and misunderstandings, too. So, the only thing we can do now is show gratitude that we are still here so that we recognize, fix, and heal.

Gratitude plays a big part after a loss and opens a new level of consciousness that makes room for second chances. And guess what? I like it! No more misplaced affections and no more stimulating intellectuals to arouse my hormones!