Today was an interesting day with a decent amount of mental drama...
Backstory: In high school, I was in a small group of music nerd kids. There were four of us and three of us were really close, hanging out outside of school. Meghan, Alana, Julia, and me. Meghan, Julia, and I were inseparable for three years. Now, Meghan and Alana are not around Julia and me. They stopped talking to us after high school.
After a couple of years of not being in school anymore, I thought Julia hated me since we hadn't talked at all in so long. I found out that she no longer talked to me due to her Facebook being hacked and we didn't have each other's numbers anymore.
Onto the present day (starting yesterday): Julia's brother messaged me on Facebook since he was making a new account due to drama from an ex-girlfriend and not wanting to go through all his pictures of her on his account. We talked for hours last night and decided we would hang out today. He picked me up and after a bit, decided to call Julia and see where she was. His dad texted asking if he was going over today, which led to him asking about meeting up with her. He asked all his children who have moved out about going over so it made sense to meet up, especially since they are pretty close. They always have been.
For a while, I ended up with my high school friend. She wanted her nails done and I tagged along. We then went to her dad's house, where everyone had met up already.
This is where the mental drama starts... I kept finding myself looking at Julia's brother. Not just as a friend but wanting to tell him I wanted to kiss him. Well, who was going to drive me home? Him. I almost told him on the way back to my house but I couldn't bring myself to. He told me before I got out of the truck, "I'll message you as soon as I get home." He stuck to his word. Well, like word vomit, I told him through text about wanting to kiss him. I asked how he would have responded. He told me he didn't know and that he would have been shocked.
Apparently, because of his dad (a lot of disgusting drama there), he didn't realize that I looked at him more than I should have. It definitely didn't help that his baby mama (who he hates now because of the stuff she has done) was there too. Luckily, I don't think she noticed that I kept glancing over at him.
* * *
I'm a bit worried about what the future holds. I can be impulsive and he did say, "Next time, we'll go to the mall or something," which was his original plan until his dad texted him. It was originally going to be just us but in a public area.
Additional details: I did tell him, after saying what I nearly asked before getting out of the truck (through text), that I feel extremely guilty since he told me everything he's dealing with having to deal with the baby mama. He told me that there's no reason to feel guilty and that he's happy that I am being honest. It is even worse for me because of the fact that his sister and I are friends.
* * *
If anyone has any advice for me (as a lonely 22-year-old), I would definitely appreciate it in the comments. I am lost about how to deal with my own thoughts and emotions.
About the Creator
Rene Peters
I write what I know, usually in the form of poetry. I tend to lean towards mental health, epilepsy, and loss/grieving.
Enjoyed the story? Support the Creator.
Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.
Keep reading
More stories from Rene Peters and writers in Confessions and other communities.
Opal Walker
It happened again, another mother lost a son. Another good woman who has nothing left. Yet she holds on. She believes and she has courage to fight on. She sees that there is a need arising. She understands that she has a voice. She understands that she must accomplished something in her life. She realized that she is here for a point. That she has a destiny. Losing your son is like losing your heart. It's like losing your husband to a single mother. How could she recover? How could she get back her dignity? I am inspired everyday by women like this. I am inspired to believe. I am inspired to hope. And I hope you too can be inspired to do go where no one's gone before, to seek what never been done and to do the impossible. Thank you and congratulations Class. I spoke at the graduation of Lincoln College which was an all girls college. Women need to be inspired. Women need strong role models. We hold much and we do have a say. We must not be afraid to speak up and be heard. We must not be afraid to live and love and laugh. We must not be afraid to come together and assemble. Our voice is stronger together than apart. We are more important as one than as two or three. We are more stronger in numbers and we are stronger than naysayers. And so I met Mr. Jesse along the way out from my speech. He said Opal Walker you are amazing up there. You got to join politics. You got to share your voice with the world. You got to liberate all of us. I am telling you. And I said stop right there. I am no Dr. King. I am no Medgar Evers. I am not even Malcolm X. It was just a speech. And he said But look at what the world is like Opal. The world is not what it seems to be. We need heroes as well as heroines. You may not think you are great but if you look deeply if you reach a bit hard and if you think on it. You will know what you really are. That is all I am saying. Think about it. And don't think lightly. Just look at the news, the paper and TV even listen to the television. And I thought for some time as he left. How could I change the world? How could I change the future? How could I make a difference? I am just a professor. I only teached but action is another thing. Well Opal Walker what are you gonna do? What are you gonna be? Just a voice or a voice with action. Eventually I called up Mr. Jesse who worked at the local church and he was glad and said he did not hear from me in a long time but he was sure glad. And I asked him a few questions about how to get involved and how to get my students involved. So I researched and I saw the issues of my people locally, statewide and nationally. I was so stirred in the spirit that I registered for a poltiical party and decided to vote. And I was campaigning for Senator Warner because I believed she would provide representation in government. Without representation there is no democracy. And Senator Warner was running for Governor and she wanted me to give an endorsement speech.. And that night I got a called from my doctor that I might have cancer. So I told her I needed time and I was depressed and sad. I was disturbed and hurted. All this appeared for nothing and I was very upset and acting unusual. When Mr. Jesse and church folks came to my door and he said We all know you are in there Opal. And I said Get away leave me alone. And he told the church folks to sing on the steps of my house. And he said What is wrong with you? I thought you cared. I thought you wanted to make a change. And I eventually opened the door in anguish and said Jesse I may have cancer. And he bowed and he tried to comfort me. And he told the church folks that we need to pray and so he prayed for me while they laid hands upon me. And he said I will go with you right now. It's been too long since the doctor told you. I will drive you there right now. We are gonna find out. And so I went to Miriam Central Hospital. And I could not find my doctor and it was hours and finally the head nurse said that doctor left and I can look in your records. Then she came back with a large file and look for sometime. And she said that it was a mixed up. And I was just gonna tell her off but Mr. Jesse said saved it the Lord has been good. And he sought the church folks away and he drove me home. And I felt cheated and angry. And I told him about the speech and he suggested I do the speech that I did at the graduation in support of Senator Warner running for Governor. And I said again I ain't no Dr.King. I ain't no Frederick Douglass. I ain't no Harriet Tubman. I am Opal Walker. I stand on their shoulders and I come to tell you that it is time to change this. And that's what I added to the speech. And I was apart of the campaign officially as I knew we needed to make a stand O my people.
By Matthew Primous3 days ago in Confessions
Comments (4)
Kudos to you for being upfront and honest with him rather than you keeping it in. Because that would have eaten you alive and also it wouldn't be fair for him if you guys hang out and he didn’t know your intentions. Now that you've come clean, that's a huge load of weight of your shoulders. So now you wait and follow his lead. I know it might get complicated because of his your friends brother and he has a baby mama but hey, if it's meant to be, then it will happen. Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️
Agree with Mother Combs!!! You were truthful with your feelings. Follow your heart but don't rush rush into a relationship. Life is about balance. Have you read Judey Kalchik's story regarding relationship/marriage? 💕♥️♥️
Let your heart lead you.
Let him make the next move. You don't want to push him too fast.