Beauty Standards

I've never been good enough,

I've never been right,

It hasn't been right for years,

Am I just not skinny enough?

Am I just not tall enough?

Am I not pretty enough?

What is it, then?

~

Did you click on this thinking it was an article about beauty standards?

Wrong.

No one ever knew the truth about how I felt when I was being degraded for my appearance. No one ever really knows the truth other than yourself when it comes to your confessions. No one ever speaks about the secretive actions you want to conduct when you feel belittled.

There were times I just wanted to stand there and cry. Timers where I just wanted to run away and avoid everyone's opinion. Times where I felt like my existence was worthless~

Let me tell you...

~

"That is too much makeup!"

"But you said I needed more before."

"Well, now you look like you belong in a circus. Take some off."

I sigh. "I'm still experiencing, is that what being a girl is about?"

"Being a girl, in your words, means someone who is poised, respectful, pretty and beautiful. Thats all."

"And what are you referring too when you say this?"- I ask.

"Hm? That your not pretty."

Hmph......

I then grabbed my makeup brush, stabbing into both of my eyes. Then I grab my other brushes and started torturing the beauty standard out of my face. I'm bleeding everywhere, I look ugly, my makeup is messy, my makeup is ruined, I look unloved, I look unworthy..... "Do I look better now?"- I said. Just kidding, that's what I wanted to say and do...

Growing up, I always felt like I didn't fit in. As a young girl, I was always told that beauty was important and that it was something I needed to strive for. Everywhere I looked, there were images of perfect, flawless models with perfect hair and perfect bodies. I couldn't help but feel like I didn't measure up. As I got older, the pressure to conform to society's beauty standards only intensified.

As I entered my teenage years, the pressure to conform to beauty standards only intensified. I was bombarded with advertisements for weight loss products, beauty treatments, and clothing that promised to make me look 'perfect'. It seemed like everyone around me was striving for this unattainable idea of beauty, and I felt like I was constantly chasing after something that I could never reach.

~

She squeezes her tight body into the corset.

"Tighter, more!"

She inhales, leaving no room for air until she fits.

She exhales, leaving room for the air she kept.

"Now this is in, father, could you please go fetch me a pretty pill and some water!"

"Yes, dear!"

He comes back with a pill and some water.

She drinks the pill, receiving the power she craves.

"Are you ready for your birthday party now?"- Her father asks.

"I'm not really looking forward to it, since there's not much I can really do other than talk to elderly woman about Chanel's new lip liner."

"Oh come on, it will be fun, there be birthday cake there!... for you to serve."

Hmph....

~

The harsh expectation of beauty standards makes me want to look ugly. Sometimes I just want to feel ugly to rub it into people's faces and say, "Now I'm not the pretty bitch you expect, am I pretty enough now?" I hate these standards, I refuse to exceed these standards, I refuse to look pretty just to satisfy and benefit other people's view.

It's been a long and difficult journey, but I have learned to reject society's unrealistic beauty standards and instead focus on loving and accepting myself for who I am. I still have moments where I struggle with my insecurities, but I am learning to let go of the idea of perfection and instead embrace my own individuality.

Beauty should not be something that makes us feel sad, but rather something that empowers us and celebrates our differences.

~

Authors Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! 💕

I wrote this about the beauty standard struggles growing up/ the relatable experiences my grandmother and I went through.