A Shitty (literally) Incident That Happened To Me at The Vienna Train Station

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Whatever, that being said, let's take a short break from the travelogue of the 30 days in Europe and move on to the tragicomic happenings that happened, obviously, in Vienna. The main one, I say, which I consider the cherry on the cake of disappointments in this city, and a small one, but still shitty…

I don't know how others are, but when I have to poop in a public place… I can't. Even at home, if I sense someone in the area, certain bodily functions are instantly and permanently blocked until the danger is removed. It doesn't matter if it's a small thing or a big thing… I just can't.

I think all the details in the previous paragraphs give you an idea of ​​where this story is going, so let's cut it short and get straight to the point:

As I said, I didn't like Vienna very much, and the icing on the cake came just as I was leaving. When arriving at the station, I feel how I'm cut off by the shit that makes me sweat. 36 years old as I am at this moment, I managed to keep in myself any starts of this kind, but now I felt that the moment of my virginity was coming: I was going to empty my colon in a public toilet. In a super crowded train station. In Vienna.

It took me a while to find what I think was just one of the many toilets there. I put in the 50 cents to enter the locker room, entered one of the fitting rooms (the one in the middle of the 3 existing ones), set up my space - otherwise very clean - as best I could, and- I sat down. I knew he was just an old man next to me. From the movements that could be heard, it seemed that he was preparing to leave. Nothing came out of me while it was there, but luckily it didn't last long. I heard the water at the sink. The dryer. Door.

Had left. Unbelievably, I was ALONE in a public bathroom, in Vienna, at the train station. Dreamlike.

Just like sex, my dream lasted about 3 seconds. The door opened. Big uproar. Two people enter. In the sweetest words, I hear:

- Come on, look at me, I paid 50 cents! (It might have been 1 Euro, I don't remember exactly)

The good friends each enter his cabin: one on my left, another on my right. And they start the discussion:

- Man, are you shitting?

- I'm shit, man. You?

- Well, don't sit on the toilet, well, you're making bubbles in your ass!

- I don't care, bro!

And he continues to discuss the same topic. I was already sweating all over, my stomach hurt because I couldn't take it anymore. My body wanted, but my mind blocked my starts. I felt like I was going crazy, so I stuck my fingers deep in my ears, and obsessively repeated to myself: "no one is here, no one is here" luckily I managed to unleash the apocalypse. Liberation, happiness.

I'm going to wipe myself. The neighbor on the left:

- Okay, did you shit?

- Not me, comes the answer.

I make myself small, I speed up the process. I draw water. The voice on the right:

- Okay, did you shit?

- No… I think there is someone else here…

I ran away. Later, walking toward the train, I also saw my nightmare colleagues. I'm convinced it was them. They spoke the Romanian language and were well-tanned, mustached, and had fat bellies. They were smoking and drinking coffee, and according to the voice, they were in the toilet with me. They also, popped in at the end. :)

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And because where there is room for three almost simultaneous shits, there is room for one more - also in Vienna. Also mine… but not really.

Because yes, there was another shitty one, also on departure: on leaving the zoo this time. In the huge zoo in Vienna, in fact, among the thousands of people there, among the hundreds of birds flying around, from the infinite moments when such a bird shits in flight, guess who was right in the shit way?

Yes, me! And not anyway, let's giggle, but a big, smelly flying whale, right on top of the head. Lucky, luck, but I would have given this luck to someone else…