A Little Girl

I am anything but perfect, in fact I'm so far from it that I have made mistakes in my life and have regrets on things I have done and still have trouble keeping those memories and my emotions at bay, when they decide to intrude on my mind, it's hard not say sorry, soo many times to myself for even letting it get so far. For letting myself show more then what I intended and keep asking myself "Why did I do that?" "How could I have done that." I ask myself, because it was never like me to get so angry or so upset over the tiniest of things, but somehow I did. And it is why I am the way I am.

I have changed. A lot. When I was younger, I was a keep to myself kind of kid. I wasn't always like that though. I didn't become silent, or distant until the night my dad had to "work late" and my favorite uncle at the time was babysitting me, my two step sisters and my little brother. We got to stay up late that night, or at least I got to anyway. We were in the middle of playing house when my uncle came into our room and said it was bed time. Of course, with us kids wanting to keep playing said, "oh come on, just a little longer, Please." with our little hands folded, bottom lip sticking out and pleading, hoping we could keep playing a few minutes longer. My uncle replied, "Nope, not this time, its time for bed, hurry up."

We all hang our shoulders low moan and whine and whimper but we knew that once we were told no it was time to just give in because we don't want to get spanked and put in the corner, so we just said we will continue this tomorrow and all together said, "To be continued!" with our arms up in the air like we would see in our morning weekend cartoons. I will admit, we got along pretty well and everything was perfect in life at that moment, until I went to climb into bed. My uncle pointed at me, and said "Not you, I need to talk to you in the living room." That's when my brother and step sisters whined, "why does she get to stay up later, that's not fair." Then I replied, "Why? Did I do something wrong?" I started to panic a little, thinking I did something or maybe there was something I didn't do that I was supposed to have done, but possibly had forgotten, but nothing came to mind. My uncle replied "Your not in trouble, I just want to talk to you"

I replied with a small and meek voice "okay" as I went out of the room and into the living room. I was super nervous. He goes to sit down on the couch and starts watching tv and I'm just standing there, wondering when he is going to talk to me about whatever it was he needed to talk to me about. A minute goes by and I'm still standing there, feeling really awkward so I asked my uncle, "what did you want to talk to me about?" My uncle replied, "Oh, nothing, here," as he points to the couch, "sit down and watch tv with me." I was beyond excited and said, "Yes, Awesome" I felt on top of the world because I got to stay up late, but at the same time I felt bad because the others didn't get to and that got to me a little so I said, "Maybe I should just go to bed, it's not fair that I get to stay up late and I feel bad and I am getting sleepy now." as I rubbed my eyes, I started to get up and my uncle stopped me and said, "Come here, come sit on my lap you can fall asleep on me and I'll put you bed when you fall asleep." With him being my favorite uncle, I said okay, climbed on his lap and started to fall asleep.

I never got the chance to really fall asleep because as soon as I was dozing off, that's when I felt a warm presence on my private area. I pushed whatever it was away because now I really was trying to go to sleep and I wasn't in the mood.

Now I know by saying that you must think I received this special kind of "attention" often...and you would be right. I also never said how old I was in the beginning, only that I was still a child. So this form of presence that I felt in my lower region, was in fact very common and became a form of normality for me because I to would touch myself down there, but only because I received this kind of attention and I didn't think it was a bad feeling.

The presence of a hand kept trying to touch me down there and when I finally said not right now, I had forgotten I was falling asleep on my uncle until I heard him say "just a little touch." I looked up at him and he was smiling, then he said, "no one has to know" he paused, then continued, "it will feel good, I promise" I looked down at his hand, and with me having a lot of questions, thought it would be "okay" since it does feel good I do it myself.

So...I let him start touching me. After a while of him touching the front of me, he stood me up off his lap onto the floor and then started to slide his hand down the back of my pants, going back and forth with his hand in the front of my pants to the back and vis versa, and because it felt good I wiggled my body a little. With that little reaction that I did, he asked "Do you want to make me feel good too?" I didn't say anything, just looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and nodded. He took my hand and flatly placed it on his private area and told me rub up and down. I did that, and when I did, he moaned, I stopped because I thought I was hurting him but he said "keep going," I did. "Yeah, that's it, keep doing it like that," he then grabbed my hand and told me to wrap my fingers around his shaft. When I did, he started thrusting into my hand, pants were still on but it was sticking through the fabric looking like it was going to burst out at any moment.

After a little while of that, he said, "okay come here, I'm going to lay down and you on top of me." He did that and positioned my lower area to his, grabbed my hips and started to make me move against him. This was a whole new feeling for me that I had never experienced and I thought it was amazing. It felt so good I started to move on my own...and he loved that, I got so excited from this new feeling that I climaxed. When my uncle had realized what I had done, he asked, "Did that feel good?" I shyly responded with a slight nod and he said, "Good, keep moving for me so I can feel that too okay," I did as I was told and a moment later he also climaxed.

He got me off of him, and asked if I wanted to finish watching tv with him, I said, "okay" sat down and started watching tv with him. Not long after all of that had happened, my father came home, saw me still up, new something had happened because his face went from confused to knowing exactly what had happened and got mad real fast. I ran up to him excitedly and told him that Tio George let me stay up late.

In a voice I had never heard before, my father said, "Mija, go to your room and close the door, it's past your bed time." I slummed my shoulders and said, "okay" I gave him a hug and kiss goodnight and went to my room where my brother and step sisters were sleeping, closed the door and climbed into bed.

The next thing I heard was my dad yelling at my uncle, I heard him say, "How could you do this 'George' do you know what you have done!?" no response. My father continued, "this means you can't live here anymore! She is old enough that she is going to remember this! You pendejo! Now what if she goes and tells her mom?!" My dad was so angry with my uncle and I felt I was to blame for his outburst. The last thing I heard before my dad went to his room, I heard him say, "You have get out right now, you have leave, get your shit and get out." My uncle finally responded with "What?! Why?! I didn't do anything, she came onto me, where am I supposed to go Frank?! I don't have no where to go!" my father responded "I don't care George, but you can't stay here anymore, I can't protect you anymore."

And that was the end of that. I heard rustling around and my uncle gathering his belongings, and I felt like I had caused this, I had caused him to not live with us anymore and not be allowed around me at all. I learned later that what he had done, was not the first time he had done something like this to me. I was told from my mother that there were suspicions of him doing something similar to me when I was a baby and too young to remember due the several occasions where he would disappear with me as a baby into another room to "change" my diaper.

After learning and realizing that it was wrong for him to do, he no longer became my favorite uncle anymore. But a person I did my very best to avoid. I also came to the realization as to why I had already started touching myself from such a young age, even before he did what he did. Now, because he gave me whole new "feeling" of experience from riding him, it opened a new door of satisfaction that I could not control. I had to always to be riding something from that day on because my hand wasn't doing it for me anymore. I started getting noticed by the teachers at school because the "urge" would be so strong that I had to get release and I would masturbate in my seat in class. The teachers started to see this because they could see under my desk what I was doing and also see my face turn red from the process of it all.

Looking back at how detailed I remember this, disturbs me to no end. It's humiliating at how I just let my uncle touch me. Because it felt good and me being so young, how could something that felt so good be so bad? Right? I grew up being addicted to sex, I was watching porn at the age 10 once I discovered it and new thrill of getting off on watching other people having sex. When I saw my first porno with a man and a woman getting naked, and I saw the man's penis, I grew excited and moist in my lower area.

Then when I saw a man stick his penis inside a woman for the first time and seen how the woman reacted, I tried to stick something similar to a penis inside me but it hurt. I was confused by this. How is it the woman in the video was enjoying it but it hurt me instead. I felt sad, I wanted to feel that what she was feeling. I later learned in middle schooled in a sex-Ed class that when a woman has sex for first time I does hurt. It's because we are all virgins and the teacher explained that being a virgin is not a bad thing, and lot of women take pride in not having sex until they are married and I was, to say the least, flabbergasted.

'Wait to have sex? But why?' I wondered, when it feels good to rub down there or to ride something without penetration. As I grew into my teenage years the urge for penetration grew stronger and stronger, I didn't care that I was virgin, I wanted it to just be gone so I can just have sex and enjoy it like everyone else. It came to the point that my first try was with my mom's best friend's son who was 6 years older then me. I had the hugest crush on him and thought he was soo hot. Little did I know, he was only talking to me because he wanted piece of ass and well...why not fuck a virgin who has the hots for him, right?

Well it happened, after that, I felt like I was finally free of being a virgin and went to find guys online, turns out, I was very picky on who I wanted to let inside me. In total I was with, between a span of 2 years, I had sex with 4 guys, 3 of them becoming my boyfriends for a period of time, until they cheated on me. Then I met the man I would spend my life with, my amazing husband, who just so happens to finish popping my virgin cherry?

Yeah, confused the hell out of me too. After my husband and I had been dating for a couple months, we had sex for the very first time and afterword's made me bleed and start my fucking period. I was like what the hell just happened? I wasn't due for my period for another 2 weeks at this point so I was majorly confused. Then he asked the million dollar question...did I see blood they very first time I had sex with the guy I had a crush on. I said no. He said, then he didn't break my Hyman all the way, only partly to where I don't feel the pain when I have sex. He never made me bleed! I still keep asking how that is even possible. I don't know if that is the reason but I will say I felt a pop when my husband and I had sex for the first time and yes it hurt a little but it also felt good at the same time.

I am now living a life with my husband and our 2 wonderful children, I homeschool and work part time while he works full time and will soon be moving out of the state we currently live in to be closer to my family since we have lived close to his family, they don't really care either way so he likes my family better because they are always so kind to him, more so then his own family, unfortunate as that is and as sad as it is to say. We can't wait to move and be closer to my family. We are indeed, going in the right direction with our lives. With all my love. I will someday publish a book on our life. I will someday accomplish my dream to become a writer and have my books published. Someday. Somehow. Thank you for reading. I appreciate any and all commentary, please be kind and loving. Thank you.