How many men cry in the civil affairs bureau when they divorce?
I am 28 years old and divorced. He and I were very calm throughout the procedure, and it went smoothly on the whole. The moment I got the divorce certificate, I just wanted to leave the Civil Affairs Bureau as soon as possible. This is the place where I swore to be together forever with the people I love most. This is the place where I broke everything with the people I thought loved me most. Coming out of the hall, he caught up with me as I trotted, seized me in the corridor, sobbed for a moment, let go of me, and ran. I was left with tears on my face, crying loudly while walking. From 20 to 28, five years in love, three years in marriage. Eventually go their separate ways. The reason for divorce is very bloody, very common. He cheated. It was discovered around November 2019. So it went on for about a year. Because he always said no. How did you find out? Cell phones are a good thing, or a bad thing that ruins everything. I found a recording on his phone of him sleeping with someone on a business trip. Many times, and at different times, one time even on Christmas Day of our second year of marriage, which was not a weekend, he lied to me about a meeting at headquarters... In other words, this man has been cheating for at least a year, when we were married for less than two years. I have asked him more than once why he travels so often. He replied that the company is expanding its business. His money is always not enough to spend, he answered me to talk about business please clients need to make money, these money can be reimbursed financially in the future... At first I confronted him and refused to admit it, but then I sat through the disgusting recording and found the smoking gun. He had to admit it. He said he didn't love the woman. He only loved me. His words revealed that I was the only woman before, did not try others, feel novel, did not withstand the temptation, but he has been insisting on this aspect of my love only increase without decrease, he thought that as long as handled properly, with my relationship will not have an impact... How ridiculous, of course you do not love her, she is just a tool you play, you do not love me, I am just your habit for eight years. What love is, love is I with he together from that day on I can open in various places shows that our relationship, love is I see good novelty will be the first time to share with him, love is even if cheating is our common things around me could not risking just one over ten thousand by the other party know to do it, because I only hope he good, getting better and better, Nature wouldn't do anything to hurt him... I don't know who that woman is, and I don't care who she is. When I found out, I asked for leave, shut myself in my room, not to be disturbed by anyone, and not to be hungry, so I just sat there, from dark to dawn, and then to dark, and then to dawn. Instead of crying at first, I was incredulous and shocked and overwhelmed. I asked myself a lot of questions. Was I not good enough to make him unsatisfied? There are a lot of people who cheat in this world, and many couples choose to forgive after experiencing cheating. Can I do it? Will I forget after a long time? He said he was just trying to be new. Now that he has tried, has he changed? . But when I repeatedly asked myself the answer, and found that I could not compromise with my principles, when I determined the seriousness of the matter, when my reason trumped my emotion, I made up my mind that I could not forgive him, even if I was alone in the future, I could not do it. How can I trust him to go on a business trip later? How can I make love to him without remembering that he was once a loving husband to me, and at the same time he was naked with others in a strange city, speaking disgusting words? When he refused to divorce me, I packed up my things and went to live with my parents. When my parents heard my explanation, they showed full respect to me and made up a room for me to stay in. He came to see me many times after I returned to my mother's house. I don't even want to see him. I frantically threw things to get him to roll, and when he left I was very lost and helpless. I began to cut myself, forcing myself to suppress my tendency to forgive him. I don't allow myself to relent. If I forgive him, what will happen? He'll think it's so bad if I find out, and eventually I'll give in. He may suppress his curiosity for months, years, or longer, but one day he will be tempted to cheat again, and I will be in this situation again. It was all ups and downs, and I started having mental problems. I would burst into tears in the night and get up alone, desperate to slit my wrists and jump off buildings. I had to use a sleep aid to fall asleep. I have severe PTSD, which is post-traumatic stress disorder, and I can't deal with all the sexual stuff, women in scantily clad clothes, laughing and screaming, and I can't hear them, I can't see them without associating them with my ex-husband, automatically imagining my ex-husband sleeping with someone else. Yeah, I was mentally ill for a while. Depression and anxiety. Then I took a long time off work, my mom took me to see a therapist regularly, my sister took me on trips... Where's my ex?? I don't know what happened to him while we were separated. Just in my former mother-in-law to persuade me to go back to the words of the faint feeling that he is not good, my former father-in-law beat him, his work frequently made mistakes, he almost got fired, he drank a lot of alcohol... Later, they may feel sorry for me and feel embarrassed to persuade me again. Perhaps see my mind, impossible to turn back, there is no hope to persuade; Anyway, they let me go, and we filed for divorce. It's been a while, and I think about him now and then, like when I read this headline and wrote my story, but I don't think about him most of the time, as if he never existed. I got rid of everything I had with him and started over. Division of property. I took my own car. There are no children, so there will be no further involvement. There will not always be a lucky pass in this world, when the betrayal of the moment, whether admit it or not, willing to or not, love is over. —————————————— Above answer -- thanks to everyone who participated in this answer, I read all the comments. Originally just want to find a similar tree hole place unbridled talk about the pain, did not expect that everyone gave me so much love dearly, comfort; Or think I'm too extreme, sniffy... There are pros and cons, freedom of speech, freedom of thought, I'm not going to judge who's right or wrong, but thank you all again. If I don't take the medicine to help me sleep, I can't sleep a whole night. What I fear most every day is waking up in the night. The endless darkness will amplify the pain. I don't think it's gonna happen to me. I'm just not sleeping well. Often treat my nerves, but my family is very worried about my safety, even as the doctor warned his family patients with depression and anxiety can't be myself will adjust itself, drug therapy is the most effective way to strong stress and physical pain can make patients uncontrolled to commit suicide, after all, I tend to be strong before. Now they don't trust me to do what I'm told, so, knowing the side effects, they have to see me take it. I know I let my family suffer, but please don't say anything about getting better for your parents. I hear too much, and I just feel heavier psychological burden, because I also want to get better, but... Well.. Drugs make me like a zombie now, I can not change, but have to accept. Those who do not understand may never understand. Those who do not understand regard me as an affectation. Anyway, you said so about me before, and I don't care. The doctor says you can recover if you follow the doctor's orders, so do what you're told. Things happened to divorce and now, experienced a lot of things, also see a lot of people. Those who do not leave me, really love me; Those who gloat and laugh; The ones who don't want me to be miserable enough. At first, I was afraid that others would talk about me, but thinking about this, I gradually don't care, because through this, I understand who are the people who really deserve my love, not all family is family, not all friends are friends... Some people don't understand why I'm so miserable, just after a divorce. Maybe I put too much importance on love. Some people say "love is like a ghost, no one has seen, the letter is there, do not believe, no". But I think I have seen it and experienced it in a profound way. My ex-husband was with me, and I thought I was the happiest woman in the world. He was really good to me. Even now, I am still very grateful for the wonderful things he has brought me, and it really warmed my long love years. From the university student days, every season to buy me clothes in advance, twice a year; I have a small illness and pain, he is more nervous than me, will hold me like a child, take care of me, busy; No matter how busy he is, he will try his best to spare time to accompany me to go to the supermarket and take a walk. We have a lot of our own memes and our own language. Only he and I can understand the tacit understanding, and we have endless topics to talk about. He never cold war with me, quarrel, he will silently accompany me to let me lose my temper, I go out he followed me, he will say "wife, I take you to eat a lot of delicious, don't be angry" just ask me to be happy; He every contact with a group, in the new environment will give them to take me to know, tell everyone I was his girlfriend/wife, class the classmate, good friend and friend, football team teammates, the company colleagues (that's why I always give him freedom, I think I will trust in return for his consciously, I never checked his mobile phone, don't follow his trip, not to mention a he cannot cheat or something, Because I thought he gave me enough security, he is the same as me, default to the bottom line of the kind of people); Married over time not long, I am not familiar with his family, relatives, everything he will not let me face alone, everywhere safeguard me, stand on my side, protect me... These little things in life he does very well. Three years do not have children, enjoy the world of two people, because he knows that children, children hard, he love me, no matter how the family is born, he said we only have a child, boys and girls he like, we also take a name together, together fantasy of a beautiful family of three; Because his company is headquartered in the city, we agreed to save money together, five years to go to the city to pay a house down payment, I tried to participate in the selection, intend to take the examination to the city to settle; We struggle when we are young, take care of children, filial piety parents, when we are old, we will travel around the world, he said he most want to go to Spain, I said you must take me to Hawaii, Provence, Mount Fuji... He said, "Well, I'll do everything you want." These big plans for the future we also agreed to be very specific. In the same way, I treat him well. I knew he liked playing football when he was in a different place in college. In order to allow him to participate in the games on weekends, I never asked him to come to my city to find me. I always went to find him, silently accompanied him, took photos and recorded videos for him. He was one year out of the society before me. As a senior intern, I chose to find a job in the city where he worked. The pressure of internship was low, so I took the initiative to undertake all the housework. His family conditions were not good enough, and he had a younger brother who was fourteen years younger. My parents did not agree that I should marry him. I held his hand and told them clearly that I loved him and we would be happy. I also took him to all my social circles to tell everyone about our happiness; I shared every beautiful scenery I saw with him in every city I went to. I will remember every delicious food I tasted and plan to take him to eat with me next time. I know very well that the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will bring him pressure, so I never let him embarrass, I know right from wrong, not noisy, never ask the family to buy anything for me, filial piety to my parents and his parents, his brother as my own brother... I give him the best love I can give him, except that I can't satisfy his X experience of different women. So maybe it's okay for me to get divorced, but to admit that the relationship is gone; To admit that he who loves me so much in my heart would betray me and tangle with others; I have to admit that our promises of a better future are broken; It's too hard for me to leave him. But, no matter how hard it is, I can't go back. The comments say cheating is cheating. The recording is stupid. You got it wrong. It's not the recording that's stupid, it's the cheating that's stupid. Recording is just a way of discovery, itself does not mean that the operation is not clever. Some things to do is to do, cheating is bound to be found, this common sense we should have. It's not a recording, it could be a booking record, it's not a booking record, it could be a transfer record, it's not a transfer record, it could be a leaked itinerary... Is cheating is, it is impossible to those who cheat for a long time since that was found to take nothing for granted, but it seems to me is more to the existence of the poor, clever, self-deception, because their partners don't care them doing at ordinary times, didn't put them in the eye, or even found pretend don't know, muddle along, to treat them as tools. Betrayal is not allowed in a close relationship, but any impurity that is allowed to exist is actually an empty shell of an intimate relationship. This kind of relationship in addition to each other every day to deceive themselves, muddle along, force themselves to meet the life of the unhappy do not allow themselves to regret forgive each other's cheating punishment, again and again pull down their bottom line, barely maintain the surface form does not collapse, let each other more and more tired, there is no other way out. I don't want this kind of relationship. I recognize the complexity and greed of human nature; Also understand that feelings will eventually from strong to plain law; I can even accept that a person cannot love another person forever, and that there is a strong possibility that they will move on. But I will not tolerate deceit or betrayal! I don't allow him to acquiesce in the release of my own heart have quietly metamorphism is wanton greedy desires, and indulge in this desire for more than a year's time, always in the beautiful dream, I treated him as in fool and cheat me like a fool, then use a trail "mistake" to me, along with my love for him into the abyss. It's a cruel way to wake me up. If you really love me how willing to hurt me like this? Back ten thousand steps, I aside if he really loves me, at least he is really afraid of hurt me, because even if is again deluded also can understand his such behavior will cause what kind of impact, don't say we are out of the society of adults for years, even wet behind is not deep, thought not mature people also know what it means to cheat and rebelled.