Who is it
This must be a test. To be alive and somehow be guided into events and challenges that are mentally computed into a multiple choice layout of potential life altering answers, just reminds me of college prep exams. So unsure of what you're doing yet still have to do it. Life, that's what it seems to be to me. It all makes sense when you know the things that are around you aren't what they seem to be. Then, something reminded me. “This is a test, this is only a test!” “Beeeeep”…like the longest broadcasting testing screen ever. Oh, the waiting until getting back to regularly scheduled programming is like an eternity. In this moment, sitting right in my place, I start to contemplate between heaven and earth, hell and everything in between. “Where it could all lead? So I rise from my chair another day like taking my S.A.Ts. But, today I go out into the world and I don’t feel the same as I did the other day. Today I leave my house feeling like someone may be watching me, but somehow the paranoia most would feel is not there. Feeling this way, continuing every day accomplishing things I never thought I could, are an easy task but somebody’s watching me. The days have always seemed so ordinary until today, yet everything is still the same. Things haven’t changed, no not one bit. Except one thing, before being never really sure where each day would lead or what each night could bring, finding the strength to change things seemed so impossible that they were. Until today because, oh yes things have changed. New and strange things happening to me all around yet can’t focus because somebody is watching me. All the pain each day used to bring have somehow gone, now that somebodies watching me. Things that used to seem important, aren’t anymore and things that seem to be of little interest are now starting to take the cake. This is a good thing considering the fact that what was actually of most importance to me was blinded self destruction. Since I’ve had this feeling of someone watching me, the relationships that were previously noted in my mind as “always there” have become of most importance to me. Now I'm not sure of the reason behind this but maybe because if someone were watching, I want to set a good example of who I am. Being able to step outside of myself now that my focus has shifted to this lingering feeling of being watched has brought me to the realization that being surrounded by plaster cement blocks of negativity has made it particularly easier for me to be watched. This feeling has created this curiosity for discovery of things and ideas I do not know but I do know that these things can be found deep within myself. Change has been invited into my life since I ain't got much money anyway.
