Love after
Love is a feeling that happens to us naturally, is shocking, and sometimes painful. Let me tell you a story about how I thought I met the “one.” One night I was scrolling through a dating app called “Chispa’’ and I matched with a guy that was cute and charming. After a facetime call, we decided to meet and he sent me over to his place, let’s call him Magic. Magic always had a way with me and knowing exactly what to say made me like him. I didn’t think much about that night, since it was a one-night stand. Furthermore, after some time of passion, sex, and a lot of talking he decided to tell “ I can see myself in a relationship with you.” To me was so great, I have liked him for months now, and now he wants to be with me. I can remember the excitement I felt we were starting the relationship. I believe I had never been so happy when we started and then I met his family and it was rainbows and butterflies. I kept thinking to myself I deserved this to be with someone I love and who loves me. I think everything started going awry when we would go out and drink with his brother and his girlfriend. Most of the time, there were conflicts and disagreements. Now, remember how his brother’s girlfriend would call me a golddigger after barely knowing me. I always felt as if I had to win his brother and his girl over, it was exhausting. Until there were nights were my past lover or I would drink too much to the point that we just started yelling at each other, or him at his brother. After that, I just decided to distance myself from the situation. I knew things weren’t okay between us, and I wanted it to work. Another night, we were invited to go out with them, however, I was just emotionally exhausted at this point, and he would never say something about it. I went to his place as I was laying there with him I felt so restless, I needed to tell him how I felt. After agonizing him, and telling them “we need a break” he was saying “ we are fine” and then said goodnight and stormed off. The last memory I have of that night was he saying “ why are you leaving?’’ the question haunts me until now why did I leave I know I left him for reasons and my sanity. After a year of not seeing him, I decided to talk to him and spend another night in his arms. He seems soo happy to see me. The day I had a minor surgery and my bed was not working so I just went to him. I had so many feelings being there with him, touching him, and kissing felt so odd but so good. Being in his arms after so long felt like a relief, having him kiss my lips and my forehead. Of course, I have to talk about the sex, I couldn’t function as I wanted to but he still managed to make me cum and so did him. The morning after I felt so guilty but satisfied, I got what I wanted. I wanted more of him, his smell, his kisses, and his skin. I still have his pants which I can't bring myself to return. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? Now I have is silence and memories of that night...During this time of trying to let go, I tried to move on and "focus on myself". But there are nights where there are dreams of Magic of being with him. Love can be natural, sweet, and exciting, but it has its dark side too. I can just say that it can be worth it, you just got to love yourself first. It can be hard to leave someone that can be addicted to you. In your mind, you can just daydream of how excited and happy they make you feel.