Here I stand, guilty. Guilty of not taking care of myself. Guilty of forgetting that I matter to a fair amount of people and it's not fair that I have neglected my self care and even more-so, forgotten how to love myself. Over the passed few years I have completely neglected me, myself, and I. I pinpoint it all to being a single mother. Since I have said that I blame me becoming a mother I might get some backlash, but I sure hope this reaches a fellow mother or even a father who has ever felt the way I feel. Who has ever forgotten about themselves in the chaos of raising a tiny human and raising them alone. I hope that this shows people that they are not alone. They are not the only people guilty of self neglect and self abandonment. I have recently come to a realization that I may be a good mom (or so people tell me), but I could be an even better mom if I take care of myself.
We bully until death. When will this killing end? Yes you! Popular girl with the pretty hair, expensive make up, and designer clothes. It's your fault. Yes yours and your little clique's fault that this child—this innocent, kind, not so lucky to be born into a rich family like you girl—now lays lifeless in her coffin as her parents lay her to rest.
I have been watching and reading a lot of self care stories and after going through these stories I am just amazed at how inordinately ridiculous we as humans can be. A lot of the stories I have been reading start with some backstory about the “why” in which some of these authors came to the realization that they needed to take care of themselves rather than others. I couldn’t help but relate with these people on every single level possible. We seek justification, affection, comfort, peace, approval, love, just about everything from other people. Women, we do this especially. We have this innate need to be wanted and needed by a man. Not just any man, but a man that WE want. We get it in our heads, with the help of said guy, that they want us too, that it’s a mutual feeling and what not. Then we are lied to, manipulated, ignored, etc., without so much as a reason or explanation. Oh, let me tell you sis, I have your answers to the questions WE ALL ask ourselves:
Never once did I think this day would come. Never once did I think that I, at age 22, a white female, would have to sit my little brother down, age 14, half black, looks mostly black, and have “the talk” with him.