I Don't Understand Anger
I don't understand the purpose of anger. Maybe that's because no one showed me healthy ways of expressing it. It's the only feeling I ever saw my father express, regularly. never saw him, sad, anxious, happiness was certainly rare. But anger was on display. I now understand that he never started out angry. Frustration builds. He never felt listened to by his family. He worked hard to provide and all he ever got was bills and coming home to a tense environment. I didn't know that my mother fell out of love with my father before I was even born. But knowing what I know now about the pervasiveness of trauma. I can't even be mad about how my dad acted. He didn't grow up with anyone telling him expressing emotions is a healthy human thing. Feeling your feelings was just a bad thing if you are a man. So, of course when he realized he wasn't even going to get support from his wife and he couldn't burden his children with his day to day turmoil. He buried every feeling he had until the only thing that came out was anger.