Mother of four, navigating life post loss of husband. Co-host and Producer of NewVMusic vlog and owner of Virtuosity Agency, with a crazy life.
A Daughter's First Love
I lost my father on December 10th, 2018, 14 days before my birthday, and two months and one day after his. I began telling the story the day he was diagnosed with cancer as a means to process the news, and saved it to go back to visit. Before I could work on it the next day, he lost his fight, and it would be ten months before I would be strong enough to complete it (Find Part 1 here). This will tell the story of his last days.
A Girl's First Love...
Yesterday was a day I will never forget. My dad had been in and out of the hospital over the last few weeks for having his blood sugar going from dangerously high to plummeting dangerously low as we introduced insulin. It was so hard to get regulated it seemed, and adding to the stress was the fear of every dose of insulin given, he could end up in hypoglycemic shock. I was wearing out. We finally got it regulated, and I felt like I could breathe again.
Either Broken or Finally Fixed
As if my dating life wasn’t already a laughing stock, with the choices in my age group amounting to the leftovers of broken marriages, divorce settlement beat downs, and the complete failure to commit (launch) types scrambling around in the age of Tinder. Now I have been dealt an even harder blow. My dad’s health has declined and now I am struggling to keep him around as long as possible.
The Key to This Life
Those of us who have suffered loss, tragedy, and lived a not so stellar life are very familiar with hindsight or we never truly overcome it. The point where you can say you’ve been granted an epiphany of understanding the situations you’ve endured, and can grasp acceptance is all thanks to the mysterious and necessary gift of hindsight.
Too Young to Shelf...To Old to Wait
I have a choice to make, and by God I am not comfortable making it. I work part time as a bartender to make ends meet (but mostly to have a profitable social life and save money for retirement) and being an almost introverted, extrovert I seem to have adopted the job as a means for socialization.
Saying Goodbye to Misty
I lost one of my oldest best friends at the end of September. Misty and I met in the 4th grade at Woodstock School when she and a group of students transferred from a small private school which was closing. I was probably one of the most shy and withdrawn kids on the planet at the time, but not Misty. She was larger than life, despite being tiny, and was naturally a jokester.
Confession: My One Regret Exposed
I have one tangible regret. Never wanting to be the reason someone hurts, I make it a point to try my hardest to never be. I'm not saying there isn't a few (probably many) people who go around telling "This is why I hate her" stories, but their recollection of it is usually biased and not 100 percent correct. The reality is the fault is usually 100 percent mutually culpable, with the exception of this one time I am about to divulge to you. I have never really shared this in its entirety with anyone, but one person, and I am feeling increasingly anxious as I type. It needs to be said, so here it goes.
Feeling Myself (Becoming a Hot Mess)
This week I decided to work on trying to look 'cute' more. I am single, after all, and apparently running shorts and tee shirts isn't the best way to "people", or make a first impression. This weekend I did a (what felt like 4000 square ft.) house for a friend of mine, and worked on the yard, which equates to about three grueling gym sessions, so it seemed like the perfect time to do it. You know, because working out once makes you look hot and I technically worked out three times. This is what happened.
The Truth About Single Mothers
What comes to mind when one hears the term “single Mother?” The word ‘difficulty’ is a given, and you may also consider words like ‘strength’ or ‘persistence’, and you would be correct. With the title, there is apparently a certain air of respect and honor attached, although many are using it completely wrong.
Politics and Dating...
Remember in the 90s to early 2010s when a liberal and conservative could actually date, maybe even marry and go on to live a happy life? That was an actual thing. People could have varying political views and still come together in other areas successfully. There was an almost calm before the storm, so to speak.
I Attract Crappy Men
I attract crappy men. No point in denying reality, because it is what it is. Is it all my fault or is part of it just my life situation? I used to disagree with anyone who would claim their problems are not their own doing, until recently, that is.
Expectation vs Reality
I had an epiphany today. I seem to have them most when I am recovering from a heartbreak, and despite the fact it sucks to have to endure one to grow, never going back from the knowledge is always going to be a win. It has been a weird cycle of dumb love and fleeting moments of pure genius for me for quite a while. Had someone tell me being an adult included this, I’d have never agreed to it. I mean, who would ever willingly go into something knowing it was going to end, even if the pain made them smart for 30 minutes? Although we all have a tendency to see the bright side of every breakup with the old “It wasn’t a waste if it taught you something” adage, you are lying if you say you’d blindly jump off of every cliff you come to for a brief moment of clarity. You wouldn’t.