Am I a writer?

“Am I a writer?” I ask myself this question often. Too often. Why do I second guess myself on something I love doing and have done since the age of 10, for what reason? I have no idea. There is no real point in asking if I’m a writer or not because the truth is I have never stopped writing for most of my life. Perhaps what I’m really asking is if I’m good enough to call myself a writer. I know I am comparing myself to the writers I look up to and for that reason I feel I cannot call myself a writer. But as these thoughts go through my head I cannot help but continue my writing journey, writing is part of my life and something I have needed to do my whole life.

When I was in third grade I wrote a short story and my Teacher was so impressed she had me type it up on a computer. Back then computer labs were barely starting to come to schools so this was a big deal. Before that my Dad had bought me a typewriter to do most of my writing. My Teacher also got one of the students in my class who was good at drawing to illustrate my story. I still have that story and sometimes share it with the kids I work with. I remember my Teacher telling me to keep writing because she thought I was good, which I did. However, as I grew up my writing changed as well as my outlook on myself. At times I would write something only to read it and destroy it. This happened mostly during my very dark teenage years, still I kept writing. This is what I try to keep in mind when I ask myself if I am in fact a writer, the fact that I have always written makes me a writer, right?

Another reason I feel I question myself is because I have seen so many artists being very vocal about their incredible belief in their own ability to perform. This is something that as a writer I tend to struggle with. I rarely call myself a writer out loud and have only shared my writing with a few people. Imposter syndrome? Perhaps. But still I keep writing, this is the thing that never changes in my life. No matter how I’m feeling, writing seems to always be happening whether in my head or on paper or computer screen.

I know that the very question I’m asking myself is stupid and not important. Why label myself as something? For what reason do I want to classify myself as something and not only that but measure the success of my writing as either good or bad? Writing makes me happy, writing is the most natural occurrence in my life, and the most constant thing in my life therefore I should accept it and love it. Writing is part of me and will most likely continue to be until the day I die. Why should anyone question themselves on something they enjoy doing and that is not harming anyone?

Lately I have been pushing myself on this site to publish my stories no matter how they seem to me when they are done. I have also not re-read them out of fear that I will delete them as I have done to many of my stories. I realize that I am highly critical of my writing and will at times delete stories I love because I feel that the writing is not good enough, I feel that the quality is not there. I don’t want to do that anymore, besides the only way to get better is to practice so deleting my work is no longer an option. This is definitely a work in progress. I am not perfect and being hyper-critical to my own work is a bad habit that I need to shake off.

Still, the question pops off in my head at least once a week if not more. I also keep writing and putting words down every single day. I cannot stop myself from writing nor do I want to. The joy I get from creating something new or simply writing about things I go through is unlike anything else I can get in my life. I guess I should really work on not erasing the question from my mind.