The #metoo Denier

I’m a sexist.

This revelation was as much of a surprise to me as I’m sure it is to you reading it. Even more so when I consider my family, made up predominantly of strong women, and my friendship group full of bright, intelligent wonderful ladies, to whom I regularly preach the importance of women and female friendships. Not to mention the fact that I identify as a feminist.

So why am I a sexist? In the aftermath of the “me too” hype, I was chatting to a male friend who said he was surprised about the volume of “me too” statuses on his Facebook feed from his female friends. I rolled my eyes and said something to the effect of “catcalling is not the same as rape”. I paused immediately and had to check myself. Almost unconsciously, I had helped to normalise everyday sexism and sexual assault. As soon as the #metoo statuses came out, I discounted myself as a “victim” having thankfully never been raped. In my hubris, I failed to acknowledge the myriad of other everyday acts of sexual assault, many of which I have unfortunately been a part of, but had naively brushed under the carpet, dismissing them as just something which happens as part of modern society. But it should not happen. If I, a strong believer in female equality, am helping to perpetuate this idea that it is okay to catcall women, okay to override a woman’s demand for contraception before having sexual intercourse and okay for men to press their genitalia against a woman on a bus, then how are we to overcome this?

This was an alarming wake up call for me as it illustrated how widely spread the issue is. However progressive and well-educated we believe ourselves to be, society has imperceptibly infiltrated our thoughts on normal sexual behaviours. I hear stories from my grandparents’ generation: men chasing women around the office, Hollywood actresses getting roles via the “casting couch” route. Then my parents’ generation: tales of men pinching waitresses’ bums at restaurants, the friendly neighbourhood flasher and men seeing the rush hour crowd as an opportunity to feel up a woman’s skirt. If, like me, you thought these examples were an Archaic concept, redundant in today’s society, think again.

So here’s your wake up call: societal influences are strong. However well-informed, progressive and modern you think you are, you are not immune to the normalisation of sexist mentalities. But, you can help to change it. The next time you are catcalled, don’t dismiss it as a normal transaction between men and women; see it for what it really is which is the objectification of women. Call men out on their sexist and derogatory comments. Speak out against sexual assault because it is your right.

The key now is to not let #metoo be a media trend; one which blows up the internet for a week, until the shock factor wears off and we revert to our old ways as if nothing happened. This is an achievable goal but will not happen if we continue to treat sexual assault as a taboo subject. There needs to be a dialogue and an open forum in which to talk about this if we expect to ever develop as a society. So, how do we do this?

• Promote a tolerant environment in which victims are not afraid to speak out about their experiences.
• Use this media attention to turn scandal into a call for change and education.
• Educate both men and women about what defines sexual assault.
• Educate so that “ignorance” is never a valid reason.
• Educate so that there are no more victims.

DISCLAIMER: this article only addresses sexual assault against women but that does not negate the fact that sexual assault against men is a very serious issue which pervades today’s society.