I have always had a connection with horses. Since I can remember, I was that one weird girl in school who was obsessed with horses. I had mastered how to whinny, neigh, and run like a horse (Yes, I was that peculiar). I would much rather be around horses than people (Until I discovered alcohol of course...).
Way back in 2001 when I was 11, I never dreamed the next 16 years of my life would be filled with the most excruciating pain month after month; I never imagined I would feel the judging glances in the pharmacy when I went to pick up my medication or at camp when I had to explain what the medication was used for because of the stigma of this particular type; I never thought I would miss a mass accumulation of days from work and school because my body was racked with numbing pain; I never thought there could be a name for what I would be suffering with for the next 16 years.
Let’s face it: being a mom is hard. Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, it’s hard. Five years ago I took on this task and gave birth to my first born: eight pounds, fifteen ounces. Healthy baby boy. For three years, I worked little jobs, but nothing serious. Then we got pregnant with our second, and I became a full time, stay at home mom. Awesome right?! It was. Then, March 13, 2017, our lives changed forever.
How many times you see yourself in the friend zone? I see myself all the time! I know right, and its difficult because they're almost all the time your best friend or a close friend. The worst is when they make themselves available all the time and lead you on.
Shelves span the length of my bedroom concealing the grey of wall, thick with leaning books and mismatched baskets. My clothes reach out, stretching like cotton arms toward carpet. Resting above this organized chaos, two large cork-boards brim with photos. I think of the pinned pictures as recent, although they arenʼt anymore, and I know a slightly younger version of me looks out. Itʼs the face of a white-blonde boy, my brother, revealing how much time has passed—braces have now corrected his crooked grin, flat hair replaced with untamed curls.