I’m Making My 2024 Presidential Run

Donald Trump just announced his 2024 presidential campaign a few days ago. If that ignorant dickhead can become president and then lose the re-elections, fuck it. It’s time for a real candidate for the people to step up.

“For the people” meaning “ALL OF THE PEOPLE”. If diversity and equality bother you, it’s time to research some other countries to relocate to. Some of you won’t like here, in J-Pro’s America.

We are going to make America FUN again. We are not great if we’re pushing marginalized folks down. We are not allowing the Moral Minority to dictate what the US of A is all about. You fuckers are going to snap to and toe the line. And you’re going to have a great time doing it.

It’s far more fun to get along. Think back to the last BBQ you attended. Maybe you were surrounded by people you didn’t really know well. People who looked like you. People who didn’t. I bet you all got along, right?

That’s the problem with 2022 America. We are too comfortable hiding behind screens and typing vile, racist, and bigoted bullshit. Your fear of anything different than you know, and your anxiety over losing whatever falsely perceived power you think you hold is what holds you back from being a decent human being.

Well, no more of that. President Provencio is going to help you grow. And we’re going to have a great time doing it. Other countries will no longer despise us and laugh at our ignorance and division. It’s time to lead again, and lead by example.

Here is my platform for my 2024 Presidential run. I won’t go into a ton of detail as of yet, but these are the things I believe in and will make happen. You tell me if I have your vote or not by the end of this. I’d love for you to be on my side and the side of a better America.

We Will Take Care of Our Poor

This is one of the first, biggest things we’ll need to fix. The poverty in our nation is unacceptable. Children, adults, and the elderly should never go to bed hungry. They should have affordable or subsidized housing. Nobody should be sleeping in their cars.

We Will Respect and Take Care of Our Veterans

When you serve our country by being in the military, there is absolutely no reason for you to end up poor, hungry, and homeless. Military veterans will be given resources for affordable or free housing. Their health insurance will be top-notch, not piss-poor coverage. It’s the damn least we can do for your service.

We Will Make Marijuana Legal in all 50 States

This is where the fun part of our platform begins. Legal weed. We’ll tax the fuck out of it to pay for some of the programs we’ll be implementing.

Between that and cutting our bloated, grossly inflated, unnecessary military spending, we’ll be able to better care for all of our nation’s citizens. Spark one up and don’t worry so much. Your future president of the United States of America has your back.

We Will Invest in Education

By offering free or affordable higher education, we will make our country more prosperous. This will include junior colleges, universities, and trade schools. There is no reason anyone who wants a better life shouldn’t be able to learn and reach their financial goals and become better, more-educated people.

We Will Outlaw Posting Hate Speech

If you are caught posting nasty, hateful, racist, or bigoted things online, or saying them in public, you’ve just earned roadside garbage duty. And you’ll be leg-shackled next to someone who you profess to hate.

Let’s see how you both feel when you’re picking up dog shit or trash for 8 hours straight. Work out your bullshit, Fellas. It’s easier to get along once you spend time with someone you THINK you hate.

Affordable or Free Counseling and Mental Health Care For All

Our country is a stressful place to live. As evidenced by the exponentially growing number of mass shootings, something has to change. Especially for men, who commit almost all of these mass shootings. Affordable or free therapy will be provided and encouraged for everyone.

Sensible Gun Laws Will Be Implemented

No, we’re not coming to take your guns. However, there will be new laws and regulations to ensure that gun ownership is well-vetted. We will make sure that 18-year-old kids cannot just go buy an assault rifle and slaughter innocent schoolchildren on the same day.

We’ll Make Corporate America Pay Their Fair Share of Taxes

This will also help fund our social programs to feed, house, and care for the poor. Corporate America will pay its fair share of taxes. I’m not talking about a shakedown of epic proportions. But fair, honest taxation that will help relieve the tax debt of hard-working Americans who shouldn’t have to pay as much as they do.

We Will Not Allow Religion to Dictate Our Laws

You will always have the right to practice any religion you choose. And we will have protection FROM your religion. No longer will extreme religious organizations be allowed to hurt and discriminate against our citizens. Our children will no longer be abused or ostracized for not following their parent’s exact belief systems.

We Will Trust Women To Decide What’s Best For Their Bodies

Obviously. This is a no-brainer. If you don’t approve of or support abortion, that’s fine. Don’t fucking get one. But keep your religious views and your laws off of American women’s uteruses. I can’t believe I have to even address this in 2022.

My Fellow Americans, can I count on your support in 2024? Let’s make America fun and safe again. I can’t wait to meet you all on the campaign trail. I’ll be the one passing out doobies. Let’s party like it’s 1999 and love one another. &:^)