You Can Change Your Life

To change your life, you must first change your thoughts and behaviors. What do mentors, coaches, and therapists have in common? Each helps you get better or improve in some way. That “some way” always affects how you think and leads to a change in behavior.

Change and behavior

You can think about change in life this way — all change in our lives comes from our thoughts and actions. You could also state this as “change comes from what we think and do.” Sounds simple, doesn’t it? The funny thing about life is that what sounds simple is more often far more challenging to do than to say.

Think about any change you want to make in life. If you want to improve your leadership abilities, you must change or improve one or more behaviors. If you wish to change your spending habits, you must change the supporting behaviors. To change your weight, you must change your eating and health habits. Habits, by the way, are automated behaviors.

“To change a habit, make a conscious decision, then act out the new behavior.” Maxwell Maltz (1899–1975)

Change and relationships

What do our behaviors always involve? Other people. Your behaviors and mine affect not only our lives but those we interact with as well. Relationships are, in fact, one of the primary reasons we change what we do in life. This makes sense, especially when you understand life itself only exists in relationships!

When you have a colleague, peer, or boss who is difficult to work with, it is more often due to a behavioral issue. The behavioral change required could be from them, or it could be something you need to change in yourself. Nonetheless, without the relationship, change may not be necessary.

If the difficulty is with your spouse, family member, or friend, you or they can improve your relationship through behavioral change. The need for someone to change some behavior applies to every challenging relationship in life.

Change the behavior, change the relationship.

Making change practical

Do you want more peace in your life? Examine your behaviors. What behavior do you have that creates or exacerbates strife or stress? If you can identify it, you can modify it. When you modify it, you can find more peace.

A personal example is how I always believed I needed to be busy. Since retiring, I have made significant behavioral changes in my life. After decades of working hard, it wasn’t easy to slow down.

Out of the changes I made, I adopted the saying:

“Every day is Saturday, except Sunday.”

This simple change to my frame of mind has helped me tremendously. Initially, I kept myself busy working around the house and yard. That soon got old as I do not enjoy monotony.

Slowly I started to change my behaviors. I began playing the guitar again, which I had mostly abandoned due to my busy work schedule. Then I started working on completing my book. I set a pace so as not to put undue pressure on myself. I wanted to enjoy the process.

Next, I took a day each week with Jane, my wife, to explore our state and its many treasures. The great thing is most of these places are within a few hundred miles of home. It is an easy two-hour drive to Washington DC, beaches on the Atlantic Ocean, or the Blue Ridge Mountains. There are dozens of museums, old homes, parks, lakes, civil war era battlefields, and so much more. We have many years of exploring ahead with so many places to go and things to do!

Each behavioral change I have made has significantly improved my quality of life. They have, in fact, shifted my entire attitude toward life!

Behaviors reflect the way you think and the way you see your life.

My change in thinking and finding so many new things to do and see has largely eliminated my old behavior of constantly needing to be busy. I have now begun appreciating and enjoying life with Jane far more than I ever have in the past.

I continue to make behavioral adjustments to be more intentional in my relationships. I love that Jane and I can work together in the church world as we coach, consult, and train. Yes, we each continue to work in a manner of speaking, but we do it for the enjoyment of helping others, not to stroke our egos. We have changed our behaviors developing strong desires to give back to, and help others in the church world, a very fulfilling part of our lives.

“How do you change your behavior? Change what you worship.” Timothy Keller (1950-present)

Final thoughts

How could changing a behavior or two help you in your work? How about in your marriage, family life, with your friendships, or in any other way?

You know yourself better than anyone else, so what behavior can you go to work on starting today? If you are stumped, ask someone close, like your spouse. I bet they can come up with at least one!

“You’re a grown up, and you get to decide what behaviors affect you for five minutes versus what behaviors change you as a person.” Kelly Williams Brown (1984-present)

I challenge you to find one behavior you can go to work on, change, strengthen, or improve. The best way to do this is to do it with someone else. Someone close to you that you can trust. They will most likely have some suggestions for you! And you may be able to help them as well.

Imagine making one small behavioral change or improvement that enhances your overall well-being and happiness. You have it in you. Begin the work as soon as you can. You will make your life and the world a better place! Guaranteed!