Winners Mentality

Twenty Thousand Dollar Grand Prize! Jackson held the ticket in his hands staring down at it. After a moment or two he pulls out his black book. He flips it open and begins to jot down numbers frantically. After a few seconds of flipping from page to page, doing a few calculations and scribbling more, he closes the book and holds the ticket out before him.

“This is the one.” He mumbles to himself. “After playing 400 times in a row, probability says this is the one. The winner.” A few people passing by glance in his direction as he continues to murmur to himself, wondering if he might be crazy. He leans back in the chair and begins to imagine everything he could accomplish with a grand prize win. He could get ahead on his rent. Invest money into stocks and become rich. Buy a franchise, support local businesses or maybe even start a business of his own. He could help the homeless or give donations to animals and people in need. He could pay off his debt and still have money to spare. He would be able to afford a house for his mother, like he always wanted. He could make sure his family was taken care of whenever needed. The opportunities were endless. Jackson exhales deeply and smiles to himself.

“Yes. This is the one.” He confidently states. He removes his scratching coin from his jacket pocket, feeling the weight of the cool metal in his hand. His heart rate begins to elevate. Endorphins fire. The familiar feeling of adrenaline runs through his veins. He scratches the first line. The second line. The third line. After the entire ticket has been scratched, he stares at it for a moment before it fully registers. “I won.” He gasps. “I won!” His voice echoes across the grocery store. People turn to stare but Jackson pays no mind. “I finally did it. I won. I’m going to be rich!”

At first, Jackson truly enjoyed the spotlight. Reporters showing up at his house to take pictures and ask him about his life story. It brought him pride to see himself on the front page of the local newspaper with his name published for everyone to know. He offered tips of advice on how to build wealth once obtained and people started listening to his tips about investing. His fortune increased quickly and he enjoyed being able to buy anything that fancied him. Quitting his job brought him an extreme sense of satisfaction. He even signed a few autographs for strangers who recognized him as he walked the streets of his hometown. Unfortunately, after a few months, the shine became a luster. The original buzz died down and the only people who seemed to care about who he was were crazy fans and people who wanted his money.

One evening, Jackson was relaxing in his newly bought, overly priced home. He was drifting in and out of sleep when the sound of shattering glass startled him. He managed to escape his home and contact the police but by the time they arrived the intruder had fled. Jackson spent thousands of dollars on unnecessary security and became so paranoid he was unable to sleep. He would spend hours watching the surveillance tapes, never seeing anything but his empty front porch and backyard. He paid for the best therapists but couldn’t shake the paranoia. He decided to move and left before his house was completely sold.

After taking a few weeks to settle into his new small town life Jackson had, for the most part, returned to normal. He was still having trouble sleeping and was trying to hide his loneliness by drinking it away. He liked to stop by his favorite drinking spot daily. He would buy rounds for everyone, shoot pool, and talk about life. Even though he was social and everyone at the bar loved him, he never trusted anyone enough to actually become friends. He decided it was best this way.

As the excitement of his new life wore away he continued looking for anything that would reignite the flame. He decided to travel and spent what little money he had left on cheap booze and expensive women, hoping it would fill the void. One night in Russia he was approached by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She gave him the greatest night of his life and he in turn, presumptuously, married her. Once the feeling of love faded away and the divorce was finalized he quickly realized he had been used for nothing more than a green card. He was unable to focus on maintaining his investments, which shriveled up quickly without his attention. He spent what little money he had left settling the divorce and before he realized it, Jackson’s bank account was back to red.

Having drawn his winnings out over three years, Jackson had grown comfortable and accustomed to the expensive lifestyle he had adopted. He found it hard to integrate himself back into society. Maintaining a steady job felt dull and mundane. When at work he felt unmotivated and detached. He still had much left on the mortgage to his house. Unable to afford the payments he was forced to vacate. He had nowhere else to go so he returned to his hometown and moved in with his parents. He realized as well, that through all of this, his emotional state had gotten worse. He felt lonelier now than before. He was more distrusting of people. His heart was wounded. He couldn’t go a day without drinking and he was unable to afford help. He often found himself stuck in the past, reflecting on all the things he could have done differently that may have led to better circumstances. He often thought that if he would have healed his emotional wounds before gaining his wealth he wouldn’t have blown all of his money trying to fill a void. He replayed the day he won over and over in his mind, almost to the point of obsession. He remembered some of the things that he had thought about accomplishing with his winnings. He quickly realized he had accomplished none of them. Instead of taking responsibility for his downfall, he tried to blame it on external circumstances. “If that man had never broken into my house, I would have never suffered this paranoia. If I hadn’t been intoxicated I would have never had sex with her. The alcohol is the reason for all of this.” No matter how many excuses he concocted, deep down he knew none of them were true.

Twenty Thousand Dollar Grand Prize! The ticket reads. Jackson holds the ticket in his hands staring down at it. After a moment or two he pulls out a new black notebook. He flips it open and begins to jot down numbers frantically. After a few seconds of flipping from page to page, doing a few calculations, and scribbling more he closes the book and holds the ticket out before him.

“Alright, Jackson. Let’s do this again.” He mumbles to himself. “This time. We will do it the right way.” He removes his scratching coin from his jacket pocket, feeling the weight of the cool metal in his hand. His heart rate begins to elevate. Endorphins fire. The familiar feeling of adrenaline runs through his veins. He scratches the first line. The second line. The third line.