Why It's Important To Let Go

The most dangerous thing about students of history is that they continually teach only the history they think matters. If they're good teachers, unfortunately, people will listen. That turns them into people stuck in the past, unable to see the present, and oblivious to what could still be. 

You've heard it a million times:

Live in the moment.

Be more present. 

Living in the past isn't helpful. Constantly looking backward is an exercise in futility. It's gone, and it's never coming back. 

So many people are rooted in the past and miss out on fully living their best lives now. 

Even looking back over your shoulder at good memories is only positive if done once in a while. How do you know if you're living in the past? There are some signs. 

There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book, or simply close it. 

 - Shannon L. Alder, Author

Signs You're Living In The Past

We all enjoy a bit of nostalgia. Can you enjoy nostalgia too often? An example of this might be a quick moment of memory growing into a recurring urge to relive past experiences repeatedly. While nostalgia can make you feel good, it detaches you from the present day. 

Trauma or conflict haunts you. Childhood events or severe conflicts make it different to let the past go. That's because painful experiences can affect our lives for years. Is there anything from the past that plays rent-free in your head, time and time again? 

You struggle to let go. Maybe it's difficulties getting over a breakup or used to a separation from someone. This same problem can seem trivial, like refusing to discard childhood or teenaged items. When holding onto these items, it looks like you're trying to stay connected to the past, but they anchored you to the past. 

You resist change. If you live in the past, you might find it hard to accept change. You're likely holding onto long-standing routines, familiar places, and people you've known forever. Being cautious about change is fine, but excessive resistance can leave you in a mind-numbing routine. 

Past versus present. When you are holding onto the past, you likely compare everything from today to what you once had. You might compare today's you to yesterday's you. This can apply to everything from your job to where you live, what car you drive, and the friends you now have. Whatever you're doing it almost always casts your past in a better light than today.

If you have so far related, you probably understand the past is holding you back. Your attachment to the past is an anchor keeping you from moving forward. It's not too late to embrace change and let go of things holding you back. 

Letting Go Of The Past

Release your old grudges, now! It takes courage and commitment, but if you can let go of your old grudges you can free yourself. Find the strength to face the person that hurt you and forgive them. It's empowering to let someone else know that their sins against you no longer bother you. 

Forgive yourself for your mistakes. No matter how many times we recreate the past in our minds, or replay old events, it won't change the results. Move forward and be present in whatever you're doing today rather than yesterday. 

Get reacquainted with the present. If we're overly attached to the past it can be because of a lack of connection to our present day. 

Plan and try new things. The best way to be in the present is to try new things. Whether it's traveling to places you haven't seen or getting involved with a new hobby or activity, it can stimulate you and help you focus on living in the here and now. 

For example, last year I got the chance to publically let go of a grudge. I was married once, to my high school sweetheart. Long story short, things didn't work out. As a matter of fact, they went epically wrong, and in a way I wouldn't have seen coming even if I'd been psychic.

It was my son's wedding, and while we'd seen each other, the damage she'd done was always present. I needed to publically let go, not just be cordial for my son's sake, as I had for years. It lifted a weight I'd been anchored by for 30 years.

Takeaways

Letting go of the past can be difficult. The past is as much a part of us as a limb. Our experiences help to make up who we are. 

But the past comes with problems. Things that end don't always end on a good note, and some of them can be traumatic memories. Things like abuse, violence, divorce, career failures, or mistakes we can't get over follow us for years. 

When letting go of the past it's like being paroled. You're freer, but you're unlikely to forget the past. You've let go of the weight and started moving forward, even though the events that haunted you still serve as a lesson. 

Try looking at the things you frequently think of from your past. Are they positives or negatives? Take the negatives, and start working on letting them go. Forgive people for past sins, or try talking things out with them. Forgive yourself for your own mistakes. While you might not forget, forgiveness can be an uplifting experience that will push you forward in life.