Why It Matters

One day I am casually scrolling through my Facebook feed and come across an art contest that is asking for submissions dealing with mental health awareness and suicide prevention, and submission could be art work, a short story or poetry. The word poetry sparked my interest even though I hadn’t written any poetry in a long time for this cause was near and dear to my heart, so I am confident that the subject matter would inspire me to place words on the pages of the new little black book journal that I had purchased some time ago but have never used. Now seems like the perfect time to find my favorite pen, and begin letting words spill out of my fingertips onto the pages of this journal. I mean that’s why I bought it, right?

The contest has a theme of “Why It Matters”, and so I sit at my desk with my favorite pen, my new little black book journal, and I contemplate on why mental health and suicide prevention matters to me. I place the pen on the page, but no words flow from my brain to my fingers and out of the pen for over an hour. I try not to get discouraged and begin thinking about the suicide prevention walk that I have participated in for the past eight years and why the walk is so important to me which leads me to thinking about the people that I am walking for and discovered why it matters, and the words begin to flow . . .

Why It Matters

They are not just dates on calendars

They are constant reminders

That someone didn’t feel worthy of life

That they were unable to sift through the strife

That clouded their vision

That blurred their life’s mission

Convinced that their life was no longer worth living

That their soul was incapable of giving

To the world another ounce of joy, love

That they were tired of the push and shove

That occurred in their mind by the day, by the hour, by the minute

For in their mind their pain wasn't limited, it was infinite

And they couldn't be convinced otherwise

Which resulted in the loss of lives

And that is why mental health matters to me

For I use to be one of those people who couldn't see

Through the forest to the individual trees

For a concrete reason to believe

That my life mattered to anyone other than me

But as I wrote the words to let the world know

Why in future days I would be a no show

I discovered a gift that would give me new life

A way to sift through all the stress and strife

And that gift was poetry

For the words helped me to flee the darkness inside me

And as I discovered my mission my purpose

A new found love for myself began to surface

And I now make it a point to spread awareness

To let the world know every life is precious

We need to be mindful not only of our actions but what we say

For your words can determine if someone will be around another day

And to that end can we stop saying that someone committed suicide

And say by suicide is how they died

Once I’m done writing, I prepare my entry into the contest, and hit the submit button. Now the waiting begins, and as I wait for the results of the contest I write more and more in this little black book that I have purchased for the purpose of jotting down thoughts, feelings, and poetry and it feels good to be writing again. So even if I don’t win the grand prize in the contest, I have gained back my ability to write again and that in itself is the real prize. A month has gone by and I receive an email from the contest, my entry has made it into the final round of judging and has already earned me a prize of $10,000, however, I could potentially double my winnings to $20,000 if I’m willing to submit a video recording of me performing the poem which if picked as the winning entry would be featured at the banquet to honor all of the winners of the contest. I’m stunned at first, but quickly decide that yes I will record the poem for the other category of the contest.

I enter my home office, set up the green screen and cameras so that I can begin recording the poem. Being a perfectionist, I record the poem over and over as I feel like I’m not delivering it correctly each time I play the recording back, and finally on the twentieth take I feel like the poem was performed flawlessly. I prepare the entry and submit it per the guidelines given in the email. Another month goes by, and I see an email heading flash across the top of my phone screen. I want to open it but at the same time I’m scared to open it, however, curiosity gets the best of me and I open my email app on my phone. I see the email and hover my finger over it trying to gather up enough courage to touch it so that it opens, and I may read the contents. As my finger hovers over the email, I notice that the time on the clock changes to 1:20 PM and I click on the email. I WON! First place in the poetry category, 20 takes on the recording of the poem and at 1:20 PM 2 months later, I have won $20,000! I am so grateful to be sitting down for I know that if I had been standing, my knees surely would have buckled and I would have fallen to the floor. This prize money will enable me to complete a movie I filmed some years ago about mental health awareness and suicide prevention, and I couldn’t be happier.