Why do we "NEED" Human Connection, Anyway? Why am I Clingy to those I DO manage to bond with?
9 year later- People may change- EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT does not. Battle back the Depression please
I don't wanna feel. I don't wanna think. Don't wanna live for happiness that's just pretend.
Wish I knew what life is for... Always longing for it to mean more than just existing to obey. Don't wanna live by what people say.
Just wanna sleep my life away. Better than being disconnected from the reason for being. Wishing I can roam free (astral travel = FREE & FASTER) & be near people who are not here. Why must I see those I miss as the sole reason life is worth living?? Please STOP crying for Lisa & George... like the light is gone & this place is DEAD & meaningless!! How did I manage to feel like they make the world spin??? Now it is STILL & empty:( Guess I just don't care about much. And it was awesome to have new people after 3 were gone. To turn around, and Now they're gone too. The point of hope caught by the slamming door WAS?? I guess?? to be anti-social to avoid emotional dependency.
So why do I see them and say "I want them'' (or whoever) instantly??? A year later, I'm still saying the same thing daily!!! HMM ?? Childish!!!
Oh yeah purpose is still missing. Why is it that some can instantly feel it [Purpose], & others usually need a traumatic scare to reveal it? I'm just one who is unsettled; non-compliant. Giant road block in journey. So I [WISH for night fall] So I can return to my favorite life activity. SLEEP - the only time I don't ask Why??? Or say, " Stop thinking/feeling that " !!!!
**
~ From Aug. 2013 : I was upset about my then NEW friend moving to CA. We met August 2012... was just 5 months after my mom, grandpa& and aunt passed away *See their picture on My Mother's Day poem published May 9th 2021- My first vocal piece/ The three passed on March 17, 2012.
I was hoping that we'd spend lots of time together at their metaphysical store. THAT would be a reason to keep going to stay optimistic after losing 3 people. But it turned out I GOT MY HOPES UP mistakenly. EXCITEDLY DREAMING Of "future" FUN WITH NEW FRIENDS...Only for this to be CRUSHED 2.5 months later When friend says "We're moving" Me: HEART SANK . Sobbing. NOOO! SO IT WAS LIKE HOPE RUG YANKED OUT FROM UNDERNEATH ME, I lost 2 more people that year. I closed down... Didn't want FRIENDS > NO HAPPINESS! So I even stopped singing and listening to music- Music WAS the only *friends* I needed for YEARS before I met George & Lisa... So when they left, I DECIDED I NEEDED NO ONE. (They ALL JUST LEAVE ANYWAY EVENTUALLY). Didn't want short-lived HAPPINESS... didn't need THAT Either . SO MY CONSTANT Source: 'MUSIC' was pushed away too~ *
I share this memory today ADDING - " Still the same VIBE" Only I'm crying to be with my teacher mom(s) instead of George & Lisa. * Who have by the way, moved back since... Yay but still have only seen them twice in the last 5 years.
These days (9 years LATER ) INSERT TEACHER ... But still the same vibe.
WANT TO SLEEP OVER!
But HAVE NOT BEEN ANYWHERE IN 29 months . NO ONE HAS LIFTED ME/My WHEELCHAIR, IN & OUT OF VEHICLES. DON'T WANT ANYONE DOING IT ANYMORE -
Yet still I whining ... wanting to call and ask/beg: TEACHER COME GET ME😢
Wishy washy in my head...
I don't want the ageing people in my life struggling or hurting themselves anymore. MORE uncomfortable I'll be IF they were to attempt it now after 29 months being unconditioned for lifting me.
And my teacher mom... I'm wanting HER to come get me ( yes, The one I chatted with on my birthday) hasn't lifted me in 25 YEARS! Do I really want her to LIFT ME NOW? NO! (WHINE YES) NO! (WHINE YES)
OH STOP IT!
Depressed- I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING TO DO WITH LIFE
JUST TEACHER- "Please come take me home with you a while" NO!
... AND kitty playing/snuggles time. Consumables: Coffee & Chips.
"OK . Get A GRIP. Battle back Depression PLEASE!"
"You're not getting YOUR way... Detach."
** MESSAGE **
~ STAY EMOTIONIALLY DETACHED : Save your sanity. ESPECIALLY save the sanity of those you are too attached to. Step back and you might salvage SOME connection. Isn't some connection better than none at all?
Revolving lesson-
RETURNS 9 years later - from Lisa & George.
About the Creator
Bonnie JS Eglin
Looking for purpose ( Disabled- Not employed )
Write out my emotions! Let it flow as am compelled....
Hope to be inspired to write poetry( Song lyrics )
My Cat is my routine
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Comments (1)
This was so relatable. I've decided that I don't need any friends in my life because everyone always up and leaves. I get attached too fast and it's so devastating when they leave. In the end, we only have ourselves.