What is Narcissism?

Disclosure: This piece is about mental health awareness and the struggle many people face every day. It is not meant to be a diagnostic tool or give any medical advice whatsoever. Every individual has their own story and their own treatment plan, so even if you see part of yourself in this piece, it's vital that you seek the help of a trained professional. It IS okay not to be okay.

This is story 11 in a large collaboration about mental health awareness. The story previous to mine was by Tiandra AKA TheLadyPoet and is featured here (click the name of the story): Fabricated Love

When we think about individuals who have narcissism, we think of people who are self-centered and worry only about themselves. However, there is more to that to this disorder. Growing up, I often tried to understand the multiple narcissists in my life. As a child, you do not understand these behaviors, and you learn that this individual (or individuals) is (are) just that way and to accept it. However, as an adult, I now see the different narcissistic traits after being exposed to them again.

I often watched them exaggerate their life (as they still do today). I never understood why they would tell unbelievable stories about what we did over the weekend as I did not go on some fantastic adventure and admire them for spending time with me. Instead, I remember vividly how I spent the whole weekend in my room while they played video games. Unless you call Mario saving Princess Peach your heroic rescue, there was no heroic rescue.

I remember how holidays were and how great they were if they were spent admiring them and the gifts they got and how it was essential to make a huge deal out of every present they gave no matter who it was given to. After all, they strived to be admired by all.

Ah yes, and the sense of self-entitlement. Positive moments had to be in abundance, and nothing negative could ever happen. There was no such thing as rolling with the punches. There were and still are no healthy encounters with this individual. If they lose their power, then they will become hostile. This individual lives in their fantasy world, where they will always be the center stage. There is no time for others to take the spotlight. These delusions can only be described as self-glorifying illusions.

I strongly remember being young and being made fun of for misspelling something in my school journal. I remember how I wanted to stop writing and muffle my thoughts because it was easier than competing with the other writers in the family, even if I was only five or six. I was told how stupid I was and how I wouldn't ever be as good as them.

Recently they have entered this need to control my life even though I am an adult. So I stopped doing and saying what they expected of me. When I set clear boundaries, this individual became extremely insulted when these boundaries were set in place and began to throw a temper tantrum. But, to everyone else, they are charming and usually the life of the party.

As an adult, I researched these behaviors and realized that while they are narcissists, they are driven by fears. In a particular individual's case, they are driven by the fear of abandonment. When one family member abandons them due to their behaviors, they cling to someone within the family that they feel is weaker and can control. When I got stronger, they began to push away from me because I stopped letting their thoughts and actions rule my life and how I viewed myself.

I used to be angry with these individuals, and it used to be hard for me to be around them. Unfortunately, I had to go "no contact," which means not accepting mail, blocking on social media, and blocking on my phone no matter how heartbreaking it is for me.

However, this article is not made to shame these individuals or anyone with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Instead, this is to show you the signs and encourage you to seek help. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) (located under the personality disorders category), someone who has NPD has a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, lacks empathy, and has a strong need to be admired by those around them.

When seeking out therapy, you need to find a therapy that helps you overcome your resistance to therapy. However, it IS okay not to be okay! Getting therapy will help you identify the narcissistic behaviors you are exhibiting that are controlling your life and get you the proper help you need to alter those behaviors to live a more comfortable life with those around you.

This will also allow a therapist to see what past experiences led you to these narcissistic behaviors. You will learn how to acknowledge these behaviors and how they affect those around you before it becomes a "no contact" situation (and if it has already gotten to this point, how to fix the relationship between you and your loved ones). You will be taught new behaviors and thoughts so that you can practice new patterns and see the benefits of newly learned behaviors. For example, let's say your family member went no contact. You can show them that you are going through therapy and making an effort to mend the damage you caused by your behaviors.

One therapy option is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). You would learn techniques like situation exposure (and how to react appropriately), cognitive restructuring, and scheduling positive activities. For more therapy examples, you can visit Healthline: How to Treat Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The next individual is Kyla Arr, with an article about children's mental health. Here is her profile: Kyla R.

Reminder: All underlined words are clickable links and this is meant to be an informational piece only and not to diagnose you with this mental health challenge.