What Is a Paradise Syndrome?

Human beings are naturally driven by meaning and purpose. It’s part of our nature. Everyone has a vision of how their life should be. But when our vision doesn’t match our reality, we feel a discrepancy.

The intense dissatisfaction within ourselves sometimes causes us to take action in the direction we want. So we aim to reach for new heights, but when we fulfill our sacred dreams, we are at an impasse. We can’t help but wonder “What else can we accomplish?”

This type of problem we experience is called paradise syndrome.

This is especially common in individuals who define their identities in a specific role, like entrepreneurs, business executives, athletes, and even parents.

A person can have a successful career, a loving relationship, and anything else their heart desires. All these aspects can fit into their lives as a key fits into a lock. Yet, they have trouble acknowledging their place in life. As a result, deep in their hearts, they feel empty, even though they’ve achieved everything they can ever imagine.

Paradise syndrome is at the core of their suffering.

What is Paradise syndrome?

It was first discussed by Watzlawick et al in 1984. It refers to the discrepancy in which human beings live, between what is and what could’ve been. As a result, a person may feel unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves, despite everything that they’ve achieved.

Workaholics are more likely to suffer from this condition. Because in their minds, no matter how much they work, they can’t find fulfillment. Working more, however, makes them more drained and deprives them of valuable personal time. This can cause them to lose their place in life.

It’s also common in high-achieving people who constantly seek ways to satisfy their desire for more by achieving things. The desire to achieve is within their nature. It’s at the core of their existence. And if there’s nothing more for them to achieve, they may feel depressed and emotionally unfulfilled. They get confused about their identity and fail to identify who they are.

Picture this: a highly successful person who has worked hard in his or her life to accomplish everything they could think of. They’ve come to a place in life where they believe there are no more goals to achieve, no new challenges to overcome. This creates a personal dissonance within themselves. Their burning desire to achieve is still alive and is screaming at them.

Paradise syndrome from the lens of society

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams, there’s a dark side to this, as lecturer Dr. Yong Was Goh explains: “People who have unrealistic high expectations will never be satisfied, their goal post is always changing.”

And he attributes this to the modern world in which we live. It’s due to society’s high expectations of us. As he says, “The paradise syndrome is a consequence of having a very high expectation about yourself and not being able to let your mind relax.”

The society in which an individual lives plays a huge role in the development of this slightly narcissistic attitude. The contemporary society we live in dictates that we shouldn’t settle for less, that we should push ourselves to the limits, and never suppress our desire to achieve.

When we are being deceived by our societal expectations, we conform to standards other than our own. As a result, our version of the truth may not be in alignment with ourselves. The more a person tries to fit within their society, the more they will become alienated from themselves.

This begs an answer to the question: “What if we settled for less?” What if we could take a step in another direction? Wouldn’t life be easier and more fulfilling for us?

Far too many people are scared to ask themselves this question for fear of not being enough for the society with which they comply. Can we blame them? The pressure of society can be tough to bear. So we unwittingly follow the unspoken rules of life dictated by society.

The need to press a reset button

To avoid being trapped in the paradise syndrome, we need to learn how to press a reset button and bring ourselves back in alignment. This way, we can take a step back and reevaluate ourselves. We can connect with ourselves and deep down uncover what’s truly important for us.

Kim Serafini also talks about it and she says that unless we learn to detach ourselves from our roles and enjoy everything life has to offer, we may suffer from “leisure sickness” as she puts it.

She says, “A lot of us are so caught up in who we think we are that we don’t separate our role through the week to who we really are on the weekend.” As a result, we can’t enjoy ourselves the way we should, and we’re blind to everything else our life can offer.

“People feel it when they’re supposed to be savouring paradise…but you can’t appreciate the fact that you’re there because you feel like you’ve left you behind, which is your identity.”

Serafini points out paradise syndrome or leisure sickness, as she calls it, is real and is often misdiagnosed among experts as stress and anxiety. “But it does exist,” she says. “It exists for people who are really into ego and who are really into doing and not into being.”

In essence, if you spend most of your life doing, then you’re not living. To truly live and experience life to the fullest, one must find a middle ground. Because life is not all about always working and achieving. It’s also about living. It’s about being in the present and savoring every moment.

The takeaway

We can unknowingly be pressured by society to outperform ourselves, only to be left feeling broken and depressed. That’s why we must learn how to push the reset button and realign ourselves with our path. Too much conforming to society’s standards and expectations can make a person lose their identity. It’s important to stay true to ourselves and adhere to our inner values and not those dictated by society.