5 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is a Narcissist

When your partner doesn’t pay attention to your feelings, you may wonder if he or she has some narcissistic traits. While some people occasionally show narcissistic tendencies, that doesn’t mean they are narcissists at their core.

But one of the defining characteristics of all narcissists is that they lack empathy for other people’s feelings. And they don’t understand how their behavior affects other people emotionally.

And the tricky part? Narcissistic people may not display their traits at the beginning of a relationship. In fact, at first, they may appear charming and charismatic. As your relationship advances to the next stage, those ‘hidden’ traits become apparent.

To help you identify if your partner is a narcissist, here are five subtle signs to look for.

Your partner lacks empathy

Lack of empathy is one of the most essential characteristics of a narcissist. Pay attention to how your partner reacts when you tell them something.

• Do they seem to care about your day at work?
• Are they concerned about your emotions when something is bothering you?
• How do they react to tragic news or events?

As family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of “The Self-Aware Parent explains, “Narcissists lack the skill to make you feel seen, validated, understood, or accepted because they don’t grasp the concept of feelings.”

If, for example, you try to confide in your partner and share some personal and sensitive information from your past, he or she will not show any emotional concern or be moved by what you tell them.

They will display no reaction and they can’t sense human emotions. Walfish says, it’s often the reason why so many relationships fall apart — no matter what stage they are at — because your partner is unable to empathize.

Your partner puts high importance on themselves

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of entitlement and place high importance on themselves. They think they are right just about everything, and it’s hard to prove them wrong. They tend to brag a lot about themselves to show their superiority over others.

They also expect to be treated in a special manner and demand obedience to their rules and wishes.

Your partner chases excessive admiration

Since deep inside they feel inferior, they are constantly looking for praise or admiration from others. They strive to draw attention to themselves at all times. Their number one goal is to feel validated.

For example, your partner may draw your attention to their looks or character traits to boost his or her ego. They may exaggerate their accomplishments so that they look special in your eyes.

Your partner behaves in an insulting way

At the beginning of your relationship, it may feel like they are teasing you, and you are fine with that. Later, you realize that it’s something more serious, and you start being affected by their comments.

Narcissists like to comment on everything you do — from how you spend your spare time, what movie you watch, to what you choose to wear. They judge you left and right and spin everything you say in a negative light. They’ll make blatant remarks and emotionally abuse you. It makes them feel powerful to control you emotionally. By lowering your self-esteem, they can increase their own.

Your partner gaslights you

Gaslighting or a form of emotional abuse is common among narcissists. It’s a form of manipulation. They may falsely accuse you of something, bend the truth, and try to prove you wrong.

With the tactic of subtle manipulation, they will make you feel that you are the cause of their problems. Whatever happens in their life, they may blame you. You become their scapegoat in the relationship.

Narcissists may spew blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality. As a result, you feel like everything around you is your fault. You start losing your confidence and self-esteem. You may lose your identity and feel like you’re no longer the person you used to be. You question every move you make and every word you say because in your mind you’re led to believe like everything you do is your fault. Remember they rejoice when you start doubting yourself because it allows them to feel superior.

Your partner desires lavish compliments

On the surface, narcissists appear to be super confident. But the reason they are is that they’re feeding off that confidence from you. Deep inside, they have low self-esteem.

As psychotherapist Nedra Tawwab says, “They need a lot of praise, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll fish for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell them how great they are.

In a way, your compliments feed their self-esteem. If you don’t supply them with a lot of compliments, they’ll look for them elsewhere. And they look for highly empathic people — that way, they can raise their self-esteem.

• Pay attention to your partner’s behavior.
• Do they often seek ways to lift themselves?
• Do they put you down often?

Do they always try to bring your attention to themselves and ask you to praise their wins and accomplishments?

As Dr. Weiler, clinical psychologist explains it, “Narcissists punish everyone around them for their lack of self-confidence.”

The takeaway

You may not know your partner is a narcissist until later in a relationship. If your partner is self-centered and doesn’t show empathy to your feelings, he or she may have some narcissistic traits. Paying attention to the subtle clues will help you spot a true narcissist.