What A New Year Means To Me

I don’t know if you are much like me, though I suspect if you found yourself here and reading this then you will find some of yourself in the following. You see I am not a writer, nor do I have the urge to throw my vices into the open for the world to judge, but... I am just beginning to understand that addiction is all around us and if we don’t seek to understand it then the cycle will continue to flow perpetually until one of these addictions kills us.

Now that might seem like a morbid way to start this but lets be honest, addictions can be fatal.

Who am i?

So let me introduce myself, My name is Luke. I am in my early 30’s, I have a good well-paid job, a supportive partner, a 5-year-old son and a little girl on the way.

Looking at that description you’d think what’s the issue then? Well up until about three weeks ago I was living a lie, you see… I am addicted to gambling.

It’s something I’ve done since I was 18. It started with sports betting but in the last few years moved into online poker, I would tell myself that it was beatable and trust me, at times it was! The issue being the more I won the higher stakes I would move up to, I would find myself in such a hole that I couldn’t get out of it and I would have to borrow money. Sometimes I would borrow from friends, sometimes from family but the worst would be the payday loans (Some of which I am still paying off today).

The Worst Part.

The worst part of my addiction is the lies, I didn’t want anyone to know why it was the day after payday and I needed to borrow a tenner to get the round of drinks, some of the excuses I came up with were the worst! Somehow though I convinced myself that people believed my lies, in reality most of them knew what I was doing but chose the British route of not saying anything to embarrass me, they knew I had a decent paid job and I would always pay the money back. This helped me drop into some awfully destructive patterns and is much more common than you would think.

How do I get out of this?

There was only one real answer for me, I confessed everything. That honestly was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The surprising thing is just how supportive people can be when you are honest with them.

What’s next

There is a crazy amount of help out there for all of life’s addictions, I will be writing more on the subject of Gambling addictions more specifically over the coming weeks but for a start check out GAMCARE, they have been a massive help on getting me to come to terms with the task ahead, they also provide support if you are a concerned partner/ friend of someone you suspect has issues.

For me, I am using exercise as a release. It gives you a chance to think, it releases some of the same chemicals to your brain that gambling did, giving you that same buzz you are addicted too. I am only 3 weeks into this journey, but I feel good and the weight off my shoulders since I admitted to myself that I have a problem is hard to describe. With a little girl on the way it’s about time I lived up to my responsibilities.

As I write this, I am around £20,000 in debt, I am looking for a second job to fill my time and bring in some extra cash as well as exercising every day. I know it sounds bleak, but I haven’t been this happy in a very long time.

Step one is admitting you have a problem.

Thanks for listening.

Follow My Journey & drop me a message to show your support:

Twitter: @Lukefrakes

Insta: @frakesluke