Waiting for sleep to take me

Well, here I am again. Lying in bed awake while my two year-old snuggles next to me in total peace. Every thought that I could possibly have keeps me from sleep and once again, I am left lying here in the dark thinking about what I should write. Some of the worst times to have unwanted thoughts, is when you’re trying to sleep.

I guess I should inform you That I have anxiety. Not just generalized anxiety but I’m a hypochondriac. Not that that’s what is keeping me up at this very moment, but just some information I thought you should have. I will look my cat licking her legs. That’s the sound that I want to hear. It has to be one of the Most annoying things is to hear an animal licking. Bleh.

Today was a nice day, and was very enjoyable. I wrote some content for vocal media and spend time with my two-year-old daughter, who by the way is still sleeping soundly, the little turd. My husband left this morning to go camp at the land that we bought and are doing work on. Times like these are when I tend to try to catch up on any house work and get things done so that I don’t have to bother him when he’s home. His office is upstairs, so while I always get the downstairs clean, attend to lack upstairs while trying to give him a work environment.

Does anyone ever feel like you can never keep up? I hate that I can have a great routine And cleaning schedule but then as soon as I go out of town for a few days and I come I’m out of the habit and I no longer have that amazing schedule. I have been trying to get back on schedule for months, but I feel like my motivation to do it is lacking and unfortunately I don’t know what to do about it. The tactic that I used to get started in the first time hasn’t been working the second time around.

I am posting all of these bed pictures to remind myself that I should be turning my phone off and trying to get some sleep. No matter what time I fall asleep I know this little one Off around her normal time and I’m gonna be off tired because I can’t fall asleep. I do feel like this is giving me an outlet to get some of my faults out however, random they may be.

This is what happens when you are a little OCD And probably have some ADHD. That brings up another thought that I have looked into some of the different diagnoses of different things like ADHD, ADD, OCD, etc. I feel like it’s easy to feel like you are one or a combo of things and I don’t know that I for sure or if I just have lost some brain functionality from having a child.

What a cute dog. Anyways, I was saying that I feel like sometimes brain fog etc. after having a baby stays with you I don’t know if some of the problem is that you’re constantly focused someone else or what the case is. I’m a stay at home mom, so I’m constantly with someone else. I love being a stay at home mom because I love me the to raise my daughter myself, and not have to rely on others. After going through several years of Infertility and settling on IVF we finally got our little one and I try to enjoy every moment that I have with her.

I guess I should probably get off of here and try to get some sleep or else I will have some more random thoughts going through my head and on to this page. I don’t know if anyone will even get what I’m saying or understand me. No one will probably even read this all the way through, but if you made it this far congratulations. You really didn’t learn much in this episode.

I’m gonna need all of the luck in the world to get to sleep tonight so if you could like and leave a comment letting me know if you think I fell asleep within five minutes of writing this I’d appreciate it 😂 I’ll give you a hint. I never fall asleep within five minutes. Good night.