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Unlovable

an unwanted feeling

By Esha DabholkarPublished 10 months ago 3 min read
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Unlovable
Photo by Kasia on Unsplash

Out of the emotions we feel, there is this one unwanted feeling that exists, which is absolutely of no use. Even so, you end up feeling this way. Unlovable.

There may be times that you might feel unlovable, you feel that you deserve it. But is it true? Who is to decide whether you are lovable or unlovable? Who is to decide whether you are worthy of love or not?

Most of the time, you end up feeling this way because the person you love doesn't love you back and you start feeling that you might be the problem. That there is something wrong about you, that is stopping the person from loving you. But do you want a person to decide whether you are lovable or not? The reality is, people might not always love you and it's completely fine. You don't need someone's validation to feel loved. You need to understand that you are not unlovable.

Some of you might think it's weird. Because unfortunately, when you were young, there might be some incidents where you were denied this feeling when you needed it the most. You were taught that love is earned when you meet specific standards. You will receive love when you are socially validated. BUT. You need to correct your brain if you feel the aforementioned points are true.

Many people end up feeling unlovable, but you don't have to accept this feeling. But have you ever thought about why it is that we feel this way? And the root of this situation goes back to your childhood, when painful moments become memories that change your perception of love and life.

Do you have a memory where you reached out for love but were faced with denial? If yes, then that situation may have changed your perception of love. Parents often make the mistake, that you'll only be loved when you are the ideal child that they always dreamt of, and that results in you thinking that you don't deserve love, because you didn't fit into their "ideal" mold. Their constant comparison with your peers makes you feel incompetent, and you end up feeling undeserving of love.

You might feel unlovable because of the memories that created a negative impact on you. For example, an insult, bullying, or shame that make you feel unlovable. Certain incidents in your life remind you of these memories and you are obliged to feel this way. These insignificant memories are so deeply engraved in our mind, and they follow us throughout our life. Don't let this feeling get you. You deserve love. No human is unworthy of love.

You can feel lovable by practicing self-love, establishing new loving relationships, and therapy. Replace those old memories by creating new ones. Remind yourself every day, no matter what you've been through, no matter what circumstances you are in, you are worthy and deserving of love. It takes time for our deeply wounded inner child to understand, that we need love. Remember, love is a basic need, just like water.

Expel all the negativity in your life and look for positivity. Meet positive people that will change you for the good. If you are an introvert, take yourself out on a solo date, whether it's a movie or dinner. Groom yourself. Keep doing what you love. Feel good.

Feeling lovable sometimes might be difficult. It may feel like a long-overdue journey, a journey that will transform you from your unlovable self to a lovable being. A one-way journey, where you will never look back and will never return to your old self. A journey where you will learn that you deserved love and that you were worthy of it from the very beginning.

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