Turn The Table On Anxiety By Setting A Daily Appointment With Your Fear

Many of us have reached a point in life when anxiety was running rampant, making your heart beat an uncomfortable staccato rhythm, palms dripping, lungs constricting painfully, with oxygen supply dangerously low.

To cite the Encyclopedia of Psychology:

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure.

People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry. They may also have physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, dizziness, or a rapid heartbeat.

Let’s face it, anxiety is hard, making you live a shadow of a life, always second-guessing yourself, always wondering, always worrying. A bit like driving with a foot constantly on the brake pedal. People with anxiety disorders view the world in tinted hues of worry, with the unknown a frightening place to be avoided at all costs. As a consequence, they voluntarily relinquish various important parts of existence because of the uncertainty it entails.

Fear

The cornerstone of anxiety is the powerful emotion, named fear. But what is fear exactly? Merriam Webster classifies it as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.” For people struggling with anxiety, this anticipation is a constant of life and danger can be lurking at every corner. A simple task of going grocery shopping can become troubling, not to mention life-altering decisions like relocating, changing a job, or even marrying. Fear can become so all-consuming that it cripples your entire life.

So what to do about it?

There are various techniques out there that can help one cope with debilitating fear, from breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, etc. As someone who has struggled with anxiety issues most of my life, I’ve tried many of them, to different degrees of success. But what truly made a difference was a little something called a daily appointment with your fear.

Why would that work?

Part of what makes anxiety so crippling is the fear that it can strike at any time, so basically fear of fear. People have trouble focusing on positive emotions like joy or happiness because there’s always an invisible sword of Damocles dangling over their heads, preventing them from experiencing anything else but a sense of danger. But what if you could turn the tide and instead take control of your fear by inviting it to a daily appointment?

By doing so, the ever-present feeling of doom is abated, being redirected to a timeframe of your choosing. Let’s say you pick 4 PM or whichever works best for you. Whatever that is, just make sure you’re not interrupted and can give your full attention to this very important appointment.

Whenever you feel fear stirring during the day, you remind it that it’s not yet time for its meeting and to rest easy that it will have its forum at the agreed-upon time.

How does it work?

You managed to keep fear at bay until the clock strikes 4. Good for you! Now what? Choose a comfortable, isolated position, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Inhale and exhale. Again. Inhale and exhale. Nothing exists but your appointment; the world can wait. Inhale and exhale. When you feel at least a semblance of calm, invite your guest in. You might feel silly at first, but just do it. Visualize how you speak the words and then the almighty fear walks in the room. Only it’s not so all-powerful now, because this is your appointment and you make the rules. You may envision it like a turbulent cloud, a tempest, or even a deformed giant. The form matters less, but the intention behind your action. By formally inviting fear in, you give it the audience it craves but restricted to specific boundaries. Now that it’s here, you state the limits. You can say something like: “Fear, I’m here, I’m listening. Speak your mind, but do it gently, so I can grasp your meaning. Slowly. What is bothering you? What should I be aware of?” To this, fear can actually speak in a particular voice or show you images. Be very careful and connect the dots. It may show you a picture of your current job, immediately followed by one of a dingy prison. Or of a scenic ocean full of sharks, planes crashing, etc., etc. Whatever is relevant to your situation. You get your information and store it for later thought. Maybe even ask a follow-up question to a particular issue. When you have enough data (don’t forget, the goal is not to get overwhelmed, this is only your first discussion, baby steps) thank fear and promise you’ll see each other again the next day. And then you visualize its exit. That’s it, you got over your first appointment with your fear. Well done!

Now internalize what it had to say and prepare for your next meeting. And the next one after. Until you get to a point where the daily appointments are not necessary anymore, because you reached a mutual understanding and respect for each other. The more you build a healthy relationship with your fear, the freer your life becomes, without those often painful self-restrictions.

Fear is not evil.

What you need to understand is that fear in itself is not evil, but simply an indicator that something dangerous may lie close by. Emphasis on the “may”. We humans exacerbate it to an extent that it seems larger than life, vicious and cruel. But it’s not. Fear just wants to help you out. Listen to it in a healthy manner. Don’t give it more power than it should wield, but don’t fall to the opposite extreme of ignoring it either. Because it has a nasty habit of breaking free when you least expect and claiming its rightful place, by your side.

Final thoughts

Fear is a powerful indicator that can guide you tremendously if only the right setup is enabled. If you befriend your fear and view it like the natural ally it is, adversity becomes opportunity. Don’t let it lead, but don’t stomp on it either. Book a daily appointment with your fear until you reach that common understanding that can help you live a happy, complete, mindful life.

There is always a solution. Why not try this one? It may work for you as well. Good luck!

A.M. Radulescu

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