To The Bravest Little Girl I Have Ever Known

You don't like to be called a little girl, and I don't blame you one bit. Your body matured earlier than your peers and men never let you forget it- ogling you from age 10. The meaningless fact that you got your period early and had boobs was a tool used to treat you like a grown-up when people wanted something done, and as a child when no one wanted to take you seriously.

But, although it has been looked at as a flaw, taking things seriously has always been your strongest suit.

You never called yourself brave; afraid of needles, bees, and a roller coasters. Someday you'd conquer your fears and be brave; be respected.

But the whole time you did what no one else could do.

As a child you survived quietly, the only way you knew how.

And at 12, in the face of abuse, you boldly came forward with shocking results; accusations of slander, gossiping socially-deficient adults who didn't listen to what was happening... who asked you to prove allegations that were not your job to control.

You did the right thing. You showed honor and bravery that most adults could not, not just once, but over a two year period.

You stayed to defend your reputation in the face of unfair judgement and immature reactions.

You were thirteen by this point.

And you suffered in a way no one should have to with panic attacks, fear, and a deep worry that your world would never improve. And that the entire world would never improve.

At 39, I am here because you did not quit. When I fight, it's to honor your sacrifice; your maturity and bravery.

Two years ago I was assaulted on a date seconds after saying no...after saying do not touch me.

There did not seem to be anything to do about this other than block this person online, but the other week when someone reached out, having read my essay on the subject-- one that did not name names, they encourage me to make a report against this abusive person.

I didn't want to. But neither did you at 12 years old ...then again at 16, 17, and in your 20s... always committed to holding men accountable for sexual abuse that you never asked for- that you went to such great lengths to avoid and it still found you.

I didn't want to, but I reported it and he was fired.

Things are different in the world now- not all better, but people are listening. We have this phrase, me too- it reminds us to hold ourselves accountable for speaking up for ourselves and supporting others...

It reminds us that it is our job to create a world where little girls are not tasked with the role of ending sexual violence.

But in 1994 that didn't exist.

You are my hero...and you are me.. So I am my hero.

People are so scared of a confident woman, and you know what- that's fine. Go ahead and run- I know, it's so scary to bow to huge feminist demands like basic human decency and not being touched with consent, but you'll get used to it.

And I'll speak until you do.

Thank you to 12-year-old me, who is still my hero. She did what the best heroes do- she didn't see one, so she became one.

I will always try to live up to her. I will always be grateful. I will always be proud.

And even when things are dark and I forget, part of me will always be her.