To have and to hold

The other side of addiction? Addiction.... a dirty word in society unless you have experience with it of course. When people think of addiction / addicts, they see a dirty, unclean, thief, criminal and have a very low opinion of anyone who suffers from addiction. However addiction becomes reality for all walks of life. Even Solicitors, Barristers, Judges, Police officers, Builders etc etc. In fact it is widely known to become a problem for celebs that struggle to handle the pressure of being in the lime light.

Yes..., an alcoholic is an addict. Its an argument many alcoholics have with themselves, they do not class themselves as addicts. However it is formed and develops in exactly the same way, the behavior of a drug addict and an alcoholic are the same. The same as a cocaine addict looks down on a heroin addict. Yes the substances are of different natures but the outcome is the same.

But what about the people whom have loved ones who suffer with addiction? They are seen to be weak, desperate and stupid for sticking around?

Being on the other side of addiction, you feel shame and humiliation. You feel judged by society, you try to hide the fact that someone you love dearly is in fact an addict.

This is not because you think any less of that person, because you learn to understand it to a degree, its because society has made addiction a dirty word. So you try to hide it, but as anyone who knows an addict its incredibly hard to hide. It effect's every part of your life. Finances, Emotions, lack of stability and you are constantly living in fear and on egg shells.

People believe that every addict that keeps returning for their next fix, if its alcohol, drugs or anything else. They see them as weak and not wanting to stop, they portray them to be the lowest of the low in society. This in itself is a solid stigma that's been made by our so called empathetic, loving society.

For instance, you often find people on social media asking for financial help or help with food, clothes etc; people all come together to help those people they see as in need. Yet if an addict was to ask for help they would 90% of the time get turned away in discussed. The same is said for the loved ones who live trying to help their loved ones to rebuild their lives, get clean or dry. They suffer in silence, because no one is going to help anyone help an addict right?

So where does this all start and end?

My reason for writing this book, is based on my own personal experiences both as a child living with an abusive alcoholic step father and then an abusive alcoholic husband myself. Hmmm.... yes that's correct, I followed in my mothers footsteps I hear you say. I have never ever suffered an addiction myself, but over the years and much research I have, you could say become more knowledgeable than those who council people with addiction.

I have seen both sides of addiction and neither of them are pleasant. Seeing someone you love, suffer from withdrawals is overwhelming, on the one hand you resent buying the substance they have become addicted to, on the other hand you can't handle seeing them suffering. This causes a fight both in your own mind and those around you, then you have the desperation of the addict you love. You live in desperation for that person you know and love to return.

Addiction changes people in such a harsh way, it's like living with Jekyll & Hyde. One day your living the family life with someone who's kind, Loving and Compassionate. Then the next day out of the blue something triggers them and the desperation comes for their next fix. I say fix because no matter what the addiction, they all work the same way.

In much of my study about the mind and addictive behaviors, every addiction is a reaction. From birth to the age of 7 we are taught our beliefs by our parents actions, beliefs and reactions. This stores deep in the subconscious mind, this includes life event's, surrounding's, trauma's etc.

From the age of 7 to our teen years, the ego and conscious mind starts to create our personalities based on the same things. This is where our fears develop and our limiting beliefs. 80% of addiction is created as a reaction to trauma of an event or lifestyle as a child. A child's mind is unable to consciously deal with things that create a high emotional reaction, so it then stores deeply into the subconscious mind.