There are three very important factors in friendship

01 mutual caring

Mutual care is the love and care of friends expressed between two people. However, there is a problem to be solved here, which is how to understand the love presented between friends.

In general, this kind of love involves two parts: empathy and reciprocity

The ability to empathize is easy to understand. You can be genuinely happy with a friend's success, but also frustrated with a friend's failure. You can empathize with his suffering, whether good or bad. Reciprocity is the kind of behavior you give to your friend, both in words and actions, with a core purpose of wanting the other person to move forward in a better way, that is, your behavior can add value to the other person. So, one of the fundamental aspects of friendship is altruism, wanting the other person to be better.

02 intimacy

The three main elements of intimacy:

I will tell you something that I won't tell anyone else, and you will keep it a secret. This self-disclosure makes us vulnerable to each other, so we form alliances to protect each other and build "bonds of trust." However, this way of building trust through confidential sharing is more popular with women. Boys are more likely to share activities to establish trust links with each other.

Your native similarity is also a solid basis for establishing intimacy. And you all have a lot in common: shared interests or enthusiasms or views... [or] a similar style of mind or way of thinking. Such "similarity" and shared things between you can make some people feel the same feeling at first sight, such as meeting a soulfriend on mountains and rivers. But this affinity from the soul is distinguished by the strength of this similarity between you. Similarities between if you is very strong, are likely to be produced, such as yu boya son, Ma Enmao deng as tough not to destroy the foundation of deep friendship. However, in many cases, when I first meet a person, I express my love and appreciation for her, which is actually accidental. In other words, one day I am surprised that what I say or do to you is the same as what I think and sympathize with, but tomorrow, you will become very different from me. Therefore, the similarity between friends can be found but not found. And from the point of view of Manne philosophy, everything is in flux. At first sight, you are another me, but time will let me become a different me. Therefore, the great and rare confidants are based on the similarit between each other, but they are not determined by it.

Since there are no two similar leaves found in nature, everyone is unique. The two people we meet as friends may be completely different. Because of differences, friends are like a mirror to ourselves. Through this mirror, we can have a more thorough and comprehensive understanding of ourselves, whether it is advantages or defects. For example, in the face of the same thing, friends A and B make decisions, different decisions, not the same, then, this difference can guide both sides to reflect on whether they need to improve their own aspects. If A thinks B is better, A will adjust to B's direction, and vice versa. Or A&B feel that they are not good enough, and the combination of the two is a better form, then they will move forward to the better direction after the combination. Such reflection caused by differences will promote two people to develop ina similar direction. On the one hand, their differences will be eliminated, and on the other hand, their original similarity will be strengthened. Ffiends can be more and more alike.

If we can push this convergence to the extreme, it is that when I interact with my friend, I become the recreator of my friend's present state, and my value is realized in him, I will love him as myself, and he is another self that I want to realize myself but cannot. This situation is quite common in many friendship and love with genius and great man. Engels achieves Marx in the name of friendship, and Yanni becomes Marx's secret in his life as a couple. Rather than being Soulfriend or Soulmate, Engels and Yanni are Marx's Precreators. Such friendship, love encounter, just like gear and gear bite, there is no room for replacement.

However, there is also a problem with this extreme state, and that is the weakening of "self". You attach your ideals to others, you don't think about yourself, you blindly pay for that person. This situation can easily get out of hand. Bondage in the name of love is a real manifestation of this situation. Don't worry, of course, that this extreme state is just one of many possible outcomes.

The mutual influence and shaping between friends, we as the parties themselves can select, we can choose to accept such transformation, can also say no. The actual bull sessions at best only approximate. Bosom friends are alike, not the same.

03 shared activity

Play together, make fun together, laugh together, have such an activity basis, just have the possibility of developing friendship. There are two types of shared activities among friends:

Reciprocal activities: I help you repair the fence today, you help me paint the wall tomorrow, reciprocity between friends is quite frequent. Some people always put the friendship is pure and noble, full of a gentleman's friendship is like water, friends open their mouth to ask you for help immediately fidgeting, as if friendship with money, with help is not worth anything. Well, it doesn't have to be. The essential difference between people is the difference in social relations. This social relationship manifests itself externally as whose son you are, whose mother you are, whose friend you are, but internally it manifests itself in everything you do with these people. Reciprocity between friends, this is the most indispensable part of life, if skipped this, life is really boring.

Activities purely for friendship: Do these things purely for friendship long live. For example, invite a movie or have a big dinner every now and then, just to promote friendship, without any utilitarian purpose.

Both types of shared activity are important and necessary for deep friendship. Only by carrying out such activities can you reflect on each other, show the similarity or independence of each other, build the iron alliance of your friendship, and establish the privacy of your friendship kingdom.