The Girl Everyone Disliked in High School

Life was not easy for me. I somehow grew past all the pain, the hate, the depression, the humiliation, the anger, and the hate. I could go on with all the feelings that I had growing up as a teenager but I think I got my point across. This is the hardest story I will ever have to write. I may be 20 or more years past this time in my life but, bringing up all this pain and emotion is not something I ever want to do. I just would like to forget.

Yes everyone had a hard teenage life. Bullies, bad parenting, etc. Well, the life I endured is the one that is now being spoken about on the TVs about kids shooting up their schools because of the bullying they got. I could have been the shooter. I am just not a killer as much as I really wanted to back then.

It started almost the first few weeks of school. Freshman year. So just getting into high school here in the United States. I am not sure if other states do their schools differently. But, here high school starts from 9th grade to 12th grade. So being a freshman I was already an outcast from the higher-up grades like the rest of the freshmen. Unless you had an older sibling that was popular, then you were automatically popular. All jocks and cheerleaders were the most popular in my school.

Then there were little groups that had their popularity. I lived near a few guys that were on the popular side and this is where it all went downhill. Hanging out with one guy ruined my life. He had tried to make a few sexual advances at me and I was not ready for that or ready with him. I saw him as a friend nothing more. He did not take rejection very well. So this guy claimed he saw me do something that I never had done nor would I ever have tried. He told everyone that I had sex with a hot dog. It took the whole school over like a storm.

After that almost every day, someone had to call me out and call me a hot dog or wiener lover... any name that could be associated with the food I was called. Even got the song "I wish I were a Oscar Myer Weiner" sung to me ALOT. I ditched school quite a bit. Know even on one of my days I skipped, and the principal talked to the school about how I was getting treated. It did no good.

I had maybe 3 friends. One that actually took the time to get to know me, was my best friend. The other two were embarrassed to talk to me at school like the guy who spread the lies. I still talked to him, I had no friends and did not want to lose the only out-of-school friends I had. Yes I know he was not a friend.

This boy and two of his friends even held me down on the school bus and molested me. One guy held me a long with the other two one holding my hands and one sitting on top of me. One went down my shirt and the other down my pants. Someone on the school bus told the school what happened. I was dumb still trying to save what I had, said nothing happened. I hate myself to this day for letting him get away with that.

I was on my lunch in the lunch room at school talking to my one friend. All of a sudden the whole lunch room started singing that wonderful Oscar Myer song to me. Yes, the whole lunchroom, not a group of kids. Everyone in that room, maybe 50-75 kids. I somehow did not show them the pain inside. I did not give anyone of those people the satisfaction of the pain they caused me.

I never finished high school. I did make it through all that torment until the end of the 11th grade. I only had one more year to go. I just could not take it anymore and left. Problems at home and at school, I ran away from the top of the united states all the way to the very bottom. If I came back and shot up that school I do not think that would have given me the satisfaction I was really looking for.

This started my addiction and taking after my parents to not feel the pain I was still holding on to. I went out drinking a bit too much. But at this point, I was the popular one at the club. One girl that really tormented me a little more than the other kids in school showed up to the club, she tried to talk shit like it was still high school. Once she saw my group of friends. She left and never came back to that club again. Even one of her best friends in school got to know me a bit in high school and she and I were ok. Would not say friends but she even apologized for how she treated me.

Then he... Mr. Asshole himself showed up at the club, with his other two friends that molested me on the bus. I went up to each one and just asked for an apology. It has been years nothing more I wanted. They all said sorry but the ass himself. He even refused to admit what he had done. I could have had some big guys friends of mine beat him bloody. I did not. Once he had seen all the big guys I was talking to, he left without his friends. He never came back either. I think knowing I had control made me feel a bit better. It will never take away all the pain they caused over the years, but even a little bit gave me a very little bit of satisfaction.

Becoming sober, this is one thing I talked to my counselor. Talking about it helps but brings back memories I want to forget. Glad it was not something I had to talk about all the time.

If anyone is feeling this pain please go and talk it out with someone. Bullies love to make you feel little. Love to make you feel pain. They get joy out of your pain. Don't give them satisfaction. Walk away and report them if you are still in high school. Yes, be that tattle tale. That is something no one, not one person should have to ever put up with. End it before it gets too far with you building up all that pain and anger to become the next shooter. No one innocent deserves to die over this.

©Kerrie Gutierrez-Diaz 2022

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