In the morning it hits me like an intense bolt of lightning, that feeling of despair hitting every corner of my weak mind. Every thought pushing into the little optimism I have left, every morsel of hope, shattered by the incoming droves of demons, with their gleeful smirks and power to create such torment. And there’s me standing, looking at the sky, wishing it would swallow me up.
Now, to begin with, I'm a sufferer of various layers of depression. That dark, sinking illness engulfing you in the unwanted embrace of numbness I like to call"The Void." We could go on forever describing all the possible adjectives associated with that awful sickness but we all know what we really want — coping mechanisms. I'm here to bestow what I've learned about how to tame the beast that I've lived with for many, many years.
Two things you should know about me: I used to do yoga and I used to be on medication.
I guess we all have an idea of what depression is. We're all told about how it makes people sad or withdrawn. The media attempts to give us an unrealistic overview of how it all really is. Of course I cannot speak for everyone. This is my (very unromantic) experience.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling like my old self. Not the good kind of old self, but the self-destructive and self-sabotaging self. I’ve been having a hard time coping with, well, everything, and having a harder time being around people even the people who mean the most to me. But as of late, I feel like I’m drowning, and I recognized the old, familiar, feeling… my depression is back.
Here is a list of six things I've learned from depression.
"This is what depression looks like," says the pharmaceutical commercial. As my blood boils, we see a pathetic looking person who looks simply like they've give up, thus validating what the strong have always conferred upon those who've been hit by mental illness. A $40 co-pay to see a therapist shouldn't be a surprise then or that New York State's public health plan does not cover mental illness. It doesn't help either that "depression" suffices as a medical term, which misrepresents anyone who's experienced this condition. Let me clarify.
Have you ever been standing on a bus and someone accidentally brushes your hand with theirs, and you just get a sudden euphoric rush, simply from having another person touch you. You may be touch starved. I never thought there would be a term for it, I always just thought I was lonely and couldn't figure out why. This has helped me realize a few very important things that are helping me, albeit slowly, turn my life around.
Here are some ways to deal with anxiety and depression.
Here are the signs that you are depressed.
Thousands of years ago, Buddha said, "Life is dukkha". Dukkha has been translated from Pali into English as "suffering." This doesn't mean that Buddha himself thought that life was miserable and thus there was no point in living it with some positive purpose or meaning. What he meant is that life by its nature involves suffering.