Strange Man.

I hadn't been working as much at my job and for that I have been so grateful. It's the reason why I've been able to make as much content as I have (even though a part of me feels I should have been producing more lol #VirgoTingz).

But I was called in today because of some drama with a manager there.

Anyways. Beside the point.

This man came in with obvious mental issues and I really felt for him, generally but also as a person who has been institutionalized and has dealt with various mental health issues in my lifetime. He was an old man and the first thing he did was ask me to remind him to get gas, and then he went to the restroom. And he took a seemingly long time so I was a bit worried for him. And then he came out eventually and I didn't need to remind him of the gas. But ultimately, this man was disturbed and it was so sad to witness.

Thankfully, he was very self-aware and continuously talked about his mental health. He told me how his son called the cops on him last night and that it was unforgivable and some other stuff. I don't mind having a sympathetic ear but it's almost always weird when I'm at the register and other people are in line. Definitely not the time to give me your life story, but I digress. He was having issue with pumping his gas, and he had to come back twice. And I told him how the money goes back to the card if you take more than 3 minutes, so he's trying to say he's gonna run and I'm just like 'yeeeaaah please don't do that. be safe dude'. And I'm not sure how long it was that he was on the property, but it took a lot for him to leave eventually. He tried to give me a tip (I think) and I was going to take it but I wasn't necessarily eager about taking the man's money so I waited for him to take the 20 back because I really was not sure what was going on. Thankfully my coworker was outside when I went out to help him and my prayers for resolution were answered and I went back inside. I feel my Virgo placements so heavy in the sense that I care so deeply for people but I have the ability to care at a distance. I don't talk to my parents but almost every day I do think of them and my brothers hoping they're alright (even though there is a bit of resentment in my heart for them, but that's beside the point lol).

Ugh.

I really care for humans as creatures that suffer and feel pain, but I am so indifferent to interacting with them. And at the same time, I do have a shadow aspect of me that is always looking down on humans. I don't feed that side of me, but it is there and it does loath the human race.

Right after the man left I knew I wanted to write about it, so here we are.

And one thing that I wrote down when I took notes at the register was just how sad it is to me that people get demonized or alienated for mental illness.

It's understandable if you see a man shaking and yelling obscenities, maybe you should stay away. But at the same time, no. Everyone is deserving of love and respect and especially those that are so disturbed in the head.

Ugh.

Anyways. I hope this doesn't bring your mood down at all, and that you are having a beautiful day today! Blessed be <333